Adrift. Weak. Terrified.
That’s how I feel lately. Five days ago a major traumatic event triggered buried trauma I buried 25+ years ago. There was no way in that moment to avoid the reality of being pulled back to old terror.
I am shaken. Terror is a feeling foreign to me as a man, but I was reminded of that feeling again. I pride myself on the ability to withstand, survive and excel in the aftermath. That has proven to be not only elusive, but damn near a fairy tale at this point. I find myself randomly in tears without knowing why. Or thinking through pains 10, 20+ years old.
Pain. Fear. Anxiety. And Anger there to protect me from the other three. Momentarily this my mind’s minefield. Maybe a professional can help me navigate the field without tripping over every secret wire along the way.
That’s how I feel lately. Five days ago a major traumatic event triggered buried trauma I buried 25+ years ago. There was no way in that moment to avoid the reality of being pulled back to old terror.
I am shaken. Terror is a feeling foreign to me as a man, but I was reminded of that feeling again. I pride myself on the ability to withstand, survive and excel in the aftermath. That has proven to be not only elusive, but damn near a fairy tale at this point. I find myself randomly in tears without knowing why. Or thinking through pains 10, 20+ years old.
Pain. Fear. Anxiety. And Anger there to protect me from the other three. Momentarily this my mind’s minefield. Maybe a professional can help me navigate the field without tripping over every secret wire along the way.