Androgynous Androgyny

So that there's no confusion. I'm a boy/male/gentleman/man/lad/fellow/XY Chromosome bearing human being.

Throughout my life I've gotten comments, whether observatory or derogatory, about my "soft" features.

I've even been confused for a female before. Told by one individual that they could only ever think of me as a female.

Told my another that I look like a male version of Alicia Keys.

Okay.

Now I'm in college. Off on my own. Been so for a while now. Nothing new. Now I'm experiencing a different side of what it means to look like me.

People see my features and assume I'm homosexual. Well......that part isn't new. That started in 4th Grade.

Even in Primary School, kids, specifically other boys, would ridicule me for my naturally curly eye lashes. They'd say I went home to curl them like a girl and what have you.

I've gotten comments about my lips. About how pink they look. How red they look. How much they resemble a certain part of the female anatomy.

I've been told I have girl hands. (Really? That's a new one)

So now I'm getting hit on by boys........young men.........old men.......homeless men............

Anonymously and in person.

I've been accosted twice on the streets of my college campus by these older guys. Demanding I give them my number with their Cell Phone extended. Hovering around me as I pack up my vehicle to leave. Asking me about where I live. Complimenting about my eyes. Telling me I look like a super model. Asking if I'm coming back. Attempting to hop into my car to use a cigarette lighter that's not even there. Begging me to come back as I'm leaving. Still there when I get back. Leaning inside passenger side window of my car as I try to pull off.

Asking me if I'm "interesting in being with a nigg@."

Even though I'm of legal age, I get that I look much younger and so I don't think it'd be a long shot in calling these GROWN MEN pedophiles.

I'm getting facebooked anonymously now by people from my college. They obviously know me. I have no idea who they are. They ask me questions.......compliment me........make statements........

Of course I ignore. I don't want to be rude.......I don't want to give the wrong idea either........

I'm naive so my initial response to such compliments is to say, "thank you", and be done with it. It occurred to me that giving the circumstances, that might not be the best thing. So yeah......I ignore.......as a result......periodically throughout the years here, I get a check up from the select few individuals who are open about their status, don't care if I know, and continue to message me (in addition to the countless numbers who do so anonymously).

Is ignoring them still leading them on? I don't know..........

It's all rather interesting.......I don't lose sleep over any of this. I'm just trying to imagine how it's going to be once I'm officially out on my own in the real world. College is just a miniscule bubble society that's a lesser iteration of what is to come.

Hope I'm ready.

Comments

Sorry that happens to you NOINRI. You are kind of pretty. Can you report it as assault? I think sometimes you have to fight fire with fire (whatever that means). If someone is that aggressive, you may have to respond in kind. Just because you are attractive does not mean you have to be nice to strangers who accost you.

I sometimes stare at pretty people, and maybe want to get to know them if, you know, our ages are appropriate. But I would never insinuate myself into anyone's personal space the way you describe.

I'm no pedophile, but one time I saw a young boy, I mean quite young, probably six, seven, eight at a recreation area with his adoptive parents. We were all talking and I kept looking at him. He was a mixed kid with such pretty skin and dark curls my eyes kept returning to him. Eventually, when I looked he returned a hard stare until I looked away. Kind of put me in my place because my behavior was probably inappropriate. He was just so pretty. Seemed very precocious, but when you are pretty and you don't like being ogled, you have to be assertive. Assertive is not the same as aggressive. Assertive just means you stand up for yourself.

Good luck!
 
dxjnorto;bt19300 said:
Sorry that happens to you NOINRI. You are kind of pretty. Can you report it as assault? I think sometimes you have to fight fire with fire (whatever that means). If someone is that aggressive, you may have to respond in kind. Just because you are attractive does not mean you have to be nice to strangers who accost you.

I sometimes stare at pretty people, and maybe want to get to know them if, you know, our ages are appropriate. But I would never insinuate myself into anyone's personal space the way you describe.

I'm no pedophile, but one time I saw a young boy, I mean quite young, probably six, seven, eight at a recreation area with his adoptive parents. We were all talking and I kept looking at him. He was a mixed kid with such pretty skin and dark curls my eyes kept returning to him. Eventually, when I looked he returned a hard stare until I looked away. Kind of put me in my place because my behavior was probably inappropriate. He was just so pretty. Seemed very precocious, but when you are pretty and you don't like being ogled, you have to be assertive. Assertive is not the same as aggressive. Assertive just means you stand up for yourself.

Good luck!

Nah. None of it was assault status. The first time that it happened I didn't even realize what was going on until halfway through. Thought it was just a friendly older guy who needed a light for his cigarette. Then he got too inquisitive, invasive, needy and creepy. When I went inside and came back out and saw that he had waited for me to come back well.........how naive can you be right?

Yeah, I don't mind looking/staring. People have the right to do that I guess. And of course I wouldn't mind if it was someone that I was attracted to.

But as far as boys my age coming on to me.....well I'm not public yet about my bisexuality. In society you're either "gay" or "straight" and I'm paranoid that if I respond a certain way that they'll figure it out and tell everybody else and if I reject them it might be too mean. And if I reject them too nicely, then they'll still figure it out. The overly paranoid part of me, thinks that they're heterosexual and that it's a trap to figure me out and tell everyone. So yeah.

This is all good practice I guess if this keeps up.

Thanks!
 
Be public then. My experience is that few people hold reservations about sexual orientation anymore if you are assertive, but not in their face.
 
Oh if I ever do that, it'll be years in the making.......not that I think it'll be much of a surprise or shock to anyone. Ha.

Well actually part of it may be. Although that depends on whether people can actually differentiate between bisexuality and homosexuality, which I neither think they can nor care to.

If I ever get a serious boyfriend, or a boyfriend period, then I'll consider crossing that bridge, but right now there's no need to I don't think, as far as family is concerned anyway.

I'm still very conflicted. I don't have it figured out.
 
It gets better as you get older because you don't really give a fuck and as you noted, you figure out everyone knows already anyway.
 

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