I do appreciate the masculinity of a man, and always have been fascinated by it. I am most fascinated by men's bodies, and the genitals that are between their legs. Of course, that is only the surface of it all. I think what intrigues me more is their fluid sexuality, and how open they are, especially when engaging in the act of sex, bringing himself and another to orgasm. There is something beautiful about that mutuality between two men, that are not afraid by their own sexuality, and instead embrace it. There is something innate, and natural about it.
My sexuality has been a continuous battle for me. The past seven years, I have been very promiscuous. I've jumped from one guy to another, and have shed even all my standards completely, just to try to get that gratification from sex when I was in my times of horny despair. It was an endless cycle. I don't know what I cared for more, if it was the physical sensation of sex, or the psychological one. To my disappointment, almost every single encounter I had during that time only lead to more frustration, and desperation. I deal with a lot of insecurity with my own body. First off, I have a really boyish body with low muscle mass, with some baby fat slathered around. To boot, I am short framed, and statured. Second off, I don't have a good size of a dick. My dick only measures at 4-4.5" in an erection. Most of all, I made the mistake as well of circumcising my dick several years ago. To me, that has been the biggest problem when it comes to a lot of my issues with body dysmorphia.
Why did I get it done? I dunno. That's something I always ask myself to this day. There was no benefits from that surgery at all. It has only caused me a lot of grief, depression, and anxiety, and has also turned me into the hypersexual human being that I am to this day. With the high libido, and not getting enough sexual relief, I suffer a lot of sexual frustration. I have a hard time balancing my sex life, and my own personal life. Every day, I often wonder if I had not gotten that surgery would I have had a healthier sexuality? I would have definitely had my functional dick still to work with, and not been in such active pursuits with sex like I have been these past few years. The part I really lament is that I could have been really happy about myself. I could have been confident in my own body.
I do love being on here, and seeing all of your beautiful bodies, and cocks, and most of all, just men being men, but I know that I am kind of a social pariah on here.. I don't want to taint this website with my insecurity, with my anger, with my resentment any longer. I think that my experience with the surgery, and the years of promiscuity and sexual frustration, has tarnished my view on sexuality. I don't think I can live that kind of lifestyle any longer.
At the same time, I do feel like I am stuck with this godforsaken piece of manhood. There's always going to be that sexual urge. I just know that I am never going to find relief, and it's a depressing thought. The only other thing I can think about is just ending it all. Why go through the motions of life only to just have to struggle with sexual frustrations, body insecurity? I have paid for sex. I have actively went out of my way just to find it, and only to be disappointed in it. My whole world literally revolves around the idea of sex. Why? I don't really know. Maybe that's my only purpose in life? Maybe I am just selfish.
I don't really know anymore. I am lost and confused in my thoughts. I think the only other alternative I have is just to end my misery by - that -. I am just a travesty of a human being. There is nothing good about me. All I am is just being stuck in this cycle of sexual frustration, and having to relive through trauma, and regret and self-resentment. There's nothing good about me. I'm so tired of it all. I can't do this anymore guys. I'm so sorry for bringing this negative energy to this website. I don't have a place in this world.
My sexuality has been a continuous battle for me. The past seven years, I have been very promiscuous. I've jumped from one guy to another, and have shed even all my standards completely, just to try to get that gratification from sex when I was in my times of horny despair. It was an endless cycle. I don't know what I cared for more, if it was the physical sensation of sex, or the psychological one. To my disappointment, almost every single encounter I had during that time only lead to more frustration, and desperation. I deal with a lot of insecurity with my own body. First off, I have a really boyish body with low muscle mass, with some baby fat slathered around. To boot, I am short framed, and statured. Second off, I don't have a good size of a dick. My dick only measures at 4-4.5" in an erection. Most of all, I made the mistake as well of circumcising my dick several years ago. To me, that has been the biggest problem when it comes to a lot of my issues with body dysmorphia.
Why did I get it done? I dunno. That's something I always ask myself to this day. There was no benefits from that surgery at all. It has only caused me a lot of grief, depression, and anxiety, and has also turned me into the hypersexual human being that I am to this day. With the high libido, and not getting enough sexual relief, I suffer a lot of sexual frustration. I have a hard time balancing my sex life, and my own personal life. Every day, I often wonder if I had not gotten that surgery would I have had a healthier sexuality? I would have definitely had my functional dick still to work with, and not been in such active pursuits with sex like I have been these past few years. The part I really lament is that I could have been really happy about myself. I could have been confident in my own body.
I do love being on here, and seeing all of your beautiful bodies, and cocks, and most of all, just men being men, but I know that I am kind of a social pariah on here.. I don't want to taint this website with my insecurity, with my anger, with my resentment any longer. I think that my experience with the surgery, and the years of promiscuity and sexual frustration, has tarnished my view on sexuality. I don't think I can live that kind of lifestyle any longer.
At the same time, I do feel like I am stuck with this godforsaken piece of manhood. There's always going to be that sexual urge. I just know that I am never going to find relief, and it's a depressing thought. The only other thing I can think about is just ending it all. Why go through the motions of life only to just have to struggle with sexual frustrations, body insecurity? I have paid for sex. I have actively went out of my way just to find it, and only to be disappointed in it. My whole world literally revolves around the idea of sex. Why? I don't really know. Maybe that's my only purpose in life? Maybe I am just selfish.
I don't really know anymore. I am lost and confused in my thoughts. I think the only other alternative I have is just to end my misery by - that -. I am just a travesty of a human being. There is nothing good about me. All I am is just being stuck in this cycle of sexual frustration, and having to relive through trauma, and regret and self-resentment. There's nothing good about me. I'm so tired of it all. I can't do this anymore guys. I'm so sorry for bringing this negative energy to this website. I don't have a place in this world.