Bits and pieces

Pretty much all of my previous blog posts have been a part of a larger arc. For the time being, I feel that I have exhausted that particular arc.

The bucket is empty.

Yet there are some thoughts rattling around in my head, and I'd like to try to catch them.

This may be a bit scattershot, or it may not. Let's shake this ol' box of neurons and see what falls out.

Whining and complaining. Unattractive activities both of them. Rather than whine about something, isn't it better to look at the subject at hand and try to figure it out?

Instead of just sitting there going "Waaah waaah, I'm too short to reach the cookies!" wouldn't it be better to get a stepladdar and fix the "problem"?

But it's such a tempting thing, to complain and whine. It takes so little effort and it helps, a little bit, to ease the sting of failure. Or to ease fear of failure.

This meshes nicely with rationalizing your behaviour. Rather than try to fix the issue, you just say "Get the cookies? Psh, I'm too short for that!". There are probably better examples, but I'm in the thick of trying to capture fleeting ideas here!

Everything can be rationalized, from the mundane "I like to take this route to work, not because it passes the gym with the big window, but because there are no traffic lights" to the disgusting "It's only natural to prefer much younger girls, we're hardwired to go after the most fertile female".

It's a natural response. At least it is for many.

It strikes me that I time and time again come to the same conclusions: to become better people we must strive to act free from our gut feelings and first instincts, for they often seem to lead us astray.

Hard work ahead? Procrastinate, because nobody likes hard work. Right?

Fear of failure? Rationalize avoiding situations where you might fail.

Can't accomplish what you want to accomplish? Complain about it.

Yet to get results in life, to get ahead and to achieve our goals, whatever they are, we must fight against these urges.

Hard work? Roll up your sleeves and get to it.

Fear of failure? Fucking do it anyway. What's the worst that could happen?

Can't accomplish what you want? Find another method, try again, work harder. Maybe even reevaluate your goals and shoot for something else.

But then, perhaps I am making unfair generalisations. There are probably people out there to whom these vices never occur. People who instantly jump into action and get shit done. However, I am not one of them. I have worked hard to achieve the willpower I have, and even though I occasionally feel proud about it, I know that it can always be improved and that there are many men better than I.

Yet it is too easy to compare downwards. "I am better than that guy" will not lead you to improve. You can only improve by comparing upwards "He is better than I. To beat him I must improve".

So what does "better" mean?

It seems a lot of people say "I am a nice person". Well, with that and dollar you can buy a cup of coffee.

It's easy to be a "nice" person. Just don't be a fucking dick. Just follow that old chestnut "treat others as you would have them treat you". A good concept, regardless of its source.

Nobody is going to give you a medal for being a "nice" person. It's like saying "I take good care of my children". It's what people fucking expect!

The important thing is what you can do aside from being a nice person. Because sure, you may be a great guy, but what can you do?

And here we enter into a whole new world. There are unlimited metrics to measure this, and I am not even going to go into that.

All I want to do is point out that being "nice" is not an achievement.

And I'm doing that as much for own sake as for that of any reader.

I feel that I have breached a rich vein here. There is more, but I am having a hard time formulating it. So let's call it a night.

Here are some bits and pieces. Maybe they'll resonate with somebody, maybe they won't. Either way, here they are.

Comments

Hi, I think you are on to something here. However, in a world with the 5-second soundbite, where everyone is on their frigging mobile phones texting and chatting, and things seem to have become de-personalized, there is a value in being "NICE". But I think the context of being "NICE" needs to be defined. Does it mean being polite, courteous and respectful? Or does it mean that one is a doormat? Does it mean that one puts others before themselves?

Much of what you are referring to has to do with VALUE judgements. But VALUE is subjective. What one person values as important, another doesn't. If you live in a culture surrounded by discourteous people, who are all out for themselves, then someone who is considered "nice" is more valuable and appreciated.

In business, it is competitive. A "nice" person will get trounced, run over, and tossed aside. But what about in a social situation---say, in dating? Is it better to be "nice" or to be a dick? I guess it depends on the audience. And again---the audience has their own subjective feelings about this.

You are right--achievement is its own metric, which goes beyond someone's level of "niceness." Have you heard the phrase "nice guys finish last"? Do you play dirty or clean? This is a theme of life as old as creation. What about Lance Armstrong? He got everything by cheating and playing dirty. International Fame, Celebrity, and money. Promotional deals that led to him becoming a multi-millionaire. Even being infamous is going to earn him huge cash. Paid interviews, book deals and so forth. I am not saying that he is not talented. He had to be great to even be sponsored and on an international team as he was---so there is a level of talent, dedication, hard work and commitment to be a professional athlete that is beyond what most ever achieve. I have no clue how many years it takes to reach that level in his sport. So Nice can be defined in that circumstance as a choice that led to breaking rules or following them.

I would also like to point out that being "nice" or the opposite of nice (however that may be defined) sets up a classic scenario in our world for confrontation and a dynamic that could even be thought of in terms of "survival of the fittest." Does being "nice" get one ahead? Or does it set up a situation whereby one can be taken advantage of? Because the law of the jungle prevails. Does the mob rule? What if someone speaks out on an issue that is morally wrong. But the culture at the time is in opposition to the idea? Just by sheer numbers, the mob will rule and squash the idea---even if it is just one. Giving blacks and women the right to vote, took years in the US. Even though it was the right thing to do. It was the nice thing to do. But for so long--white men had power. So here we are back to the idea of power and the law of the jungle and how being nice is getting run over and trounced. It is amazing to me how even "nice" ideas and just ideas and right ideas often do not carry the day. All it takes are some nasty, negative people (not nice) to become a mob or gang and to hijack an issue, debate, or idea and to dominate it. The majority rules--but that does not make them right or nice.

I will stop here to let others comment. I look forward to continued commentary in this thread on your original idea. I apologize if I have taken your thread in an unintended direction---but I do look forward to your follow up, as I think you are on to something brilliant!
 
TastyFox;bt111362 said:

Interesting input here. When I discussed "nice" I meant in the way that some guys say "Well, I'm a nice fellow, why aren't I getting chicks?". It's about more than being "nice".

These other issues you bring up seem to me to be more about "good" than "nice", although at this point the whole conversation is falling apart due to faulty and incomplete definition.

I could go on, really, but I'll let the author David Gemmel sum it up for me with his Iron Code:

"Never violate a woman, nor harm a child. Do not lie, cheat or steal. These things are for lesser men. Protect the weak against the evil strong. And never allow thoughts of gain to lead you into pursuit of evil."

I think if you stick with that, you can't go much wrong.
 

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