Blog Entry #3: Always On My Mind

Crushes, I mean you can't live with them, and you can't live without them. This is a short tale about the three who are always on my mind.

My first crush started back when I was in Elementary, he was a handsome rebel of a thang. Mmh. A few times I tried to get close to him but I was very awkward and pretty much shy. As an introvert, I could imagine what could've been, but never how it actually would've been, because what goes on in my head sometimes makes me wish I was just like it, but it's all in my head.

Anyways, the first crush I had was a classmate of mine. He was athletic and very rebellious. He's done some questionable things like stabbing his hand with a sharp pencil and it bleed like crazy. Other times, he jumped on the desk and ran across the other desk before slipping and nearly breaking his neck. I think another thing he's done was when he slammed the door on his groin..then again that was on a dare. At least he wasn't like another classmate I mentioned on here from an earlier post, Brisk. Back when we were in the 2nd grade, he swallowed a baby spider and the next day he had this really weird allergic reaction to it. It was freaky. But anyways, my 1st crush has done other extreme things, which made me all the more attracted to him.

I had one perfect opportunity when I was in 8th grade. I became best friends with a classmate of mine who is openly gay and is best friends with the girl my crush has a bad crush on. Thus my crush has been bugging him to help hook him up with her. My crush, whose name shall be Shorty because he's shorter than I, and my new best friend we're all hanging out every now and then. But one night was a perfect opportunity. My friend and I were hanging out and Shorty came along and then we all went to my friend's house. We chilled, listened to music, and laughed, and talked about girls. Shorty was just very chilled that night. I think he was high or something I don't know. Now I've known Shorty for a long time mostly because we went church together since we were younger. So he's caught up on my attraction towards him. He may be an idiot but he's very perceptive.

Anyways, Shorty, my friend, and I were just chilling and suddenly Shorty just lays flat on his stomach and faced his butt toward us on the bed. My new found best friend whispered to me that he has slept with Shorty because he was a little curious and a bit horny some time ago, so he gave me a look like "do you want it?" Side eyeing towards Shorty's little behind. I was nervous and just awkward. My friend ended up pulling Shorty's pants down a little revealing his butt and then smack it. I panicked and just left. My friend and Shorty was confused. Well that's the end of that memory because Shorty ended up sleeping with the girl he wanted and then ditched my best friend.
We're still best friends up until a few years ago where he just suddenly didn't want to speak to anyone.

My next crush was in high school back in senior year. I've seen him around before and had prayed once that I get to talk to him. But fortunately my prayer came true under bad timing. But we didn't actually speak until taking the Mid-Terms when he was adjusting his pants and was lifting up his red shirt showing off his stomach. I was getting kind of turned on during our mid-terms and the fact that he was sitting in front of me didn't help. I wanted more of him. He was similar to Shorty, both super fit athletes and religious. The thing I wish I didn't do for my 2nd crush, whose name shall be Red, was confessing my feelings for him in private messaging. Ugh. He told everyone and ugh I'm just embarrassed. But thankfully everything wasn't a disaster for me. Nobody really cared except for two of my classmates, they just love the gossip. Since then, Red has been a little different towards me. One time I patted him on the butt and he did the same to me. Unfortunately, we kind of became distant as he wanted to pursue his goal of becoming a pastor, so that means he cut me off.

Now this last one has made me fall harder than the other two. Because I only had a handshake with him and suddenly "Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles" just started to play in my head. I've never met him until onset of a movie they were filming. I played an extra and he played a soccer player. I ended up becoming obsessed with him and I never got his name, just remembered his face. Mhhh. Later on I learned who he was and where he was from. Up till this very day, I'm still obsessing over him and we never even spoke.

Alas, even though they live very, very far from me. I'm still thinking about those three. I can't seem to let them go from my mind no matter hard I try. I'm obsessed with them all for being themselves...and it doesn't help when all three of them are religious. I don't really know why I can't move on from them, it's like I just have to have them. I think if I slept with them they'll finally go away from my mind. Who else is boy crazy like me?

End.

P.S. maybe it's fate. I did pray about meeting them and I did. It was actually quite unexpected. Also, I'm actually getting a little better at letting them go. So that's a start.

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MondaySucks
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