A diary of real-world casual sex that I have as a white guy in NZ in my forties
- Author Shofixti
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I'm finally through it, fellas. Through the pain of sexual assault - and back to seeking fitness, health and good times.
Sincere guy (28, my apartment, Grindr)
I have a kinda casual friendship with a guy two buildings over. I feel like we may actually be better friends than hook-up buddies...
I'm not the most spontaneous guy. I struggle with overstimulation which can leave me feeling numb and disconnected rather than really into the moment, so I'm a little surprised by the theme of this post today
Stocky Guy (30s, his flat, Grindr)
I think I was expecting to hook-up but it fell...
I am finally, finally through the worst of the trauma
I had to be medicated last year because of rampant panic attacks - I slept for pretty much six months doing little else. Got a little fatter, but am now back in the gym attacking it, seeking growth, gains and happiness
I didn't have much...
:emoji_biohazard: Three and a half months into a relationship: I was raped
I am keeping the details quite vague, because I don't assume I maintain complete privacy here.
For two months I was just confused. I could only really own that a "not nice thing" had happened to me, I had been violated...
:rolleyes: Me
Today I had some me time.
When I masturbate I typically use a sex toy to fuck - I don't think I need any more experience with my own hands. Today I was curious how my backside was feeing and first squatted down on my bedroom floor and put my dildo inside me. I propped it up with...
Slim Latino (30, his AirBnB, Grindr)
This guy was personable and keen on Grindr, coming back to reticent-ol'-me several times. I gave him my WhatsApp and a voice message to ... but I rebuffed him saying I was too raw still from the break up to meet. He let me know his sister was out for the...
Recollections
Damn. I was reading my last entry and I just can't remember a few of those sexual episodes. The Brit I find very attractive and we've been together more than once. But the airport guy and the city guy . . . ? I just completely blank, I have no idea who they were/are. Isn't that...
I've been highly stressed out lately and it's made keeping up with things a bit tough to manage.
I bottomed for two different guys - a hairy sexy brit with a nice uncut cock (I wrote more on this but lost it when the PC updated itself), and a dude who had just come off his shift near the...
:emoji_honey_pot: Latin true dad-bod Part III (50s, my place, Squirt)
He's messaged me a few times since we had our first two fucks. His body has soaked up a lot of sun and he seemed more athletic than before. But this is kind of an annoying story.
He had really bad garlic breath, which made...
Middle-Eastern mammoth (Late 30s, my place, DudesNude)
I had been nervous about my ass after the last guy tried to fuck me with his whole dick in one unfriendly motion. But curiously, my backside seemed to be coping well. I'd been conversing with this man for a fortnight and he was keen to...
:emoji_hotsprings: Sun-soaked demi-god (Early 30s, my place, Grindr)
Interlude: I started today fantasising about part of a conversation I had with Hot Scholar (last entry) where the topic of Latin men and sex came up. In my imaginary dialogue I was telling him that I was trying to suspend...
Hot scholar (Late 20s, my place, Tinder)
Well the dam has broken, eh?
Tinder is a pretty shit app in the gay world as it is mostly there for the vanity of getting matches and then utterly ignoring them (actually from what I can tell it's even worse for straight men). But this guy wrote to me...
Long drive-way Latino (35, his flat, Grindr)
Tonight I was feeling a bit of Grindr fatigue. Scanning, blocking, messaging all felt a little bit like drudgery.
Interlude: Okay men, we're getting pretty close to a full six months now without another dude bringing me to orgasm. So I've been...
:emoji_heavy_multiplication_x: No luck - I'm being too picky
I have been back on Grindr, Squirt, DudesNude and Tinder - but I'm not spontaneous enough to make the most of things. I want sex - but I often don't want it immediately; I like to plan and prepare a little bit, even if that's just 2-3...
:emoji_high_brightness: Handsome chap (Grindr, 30, his flat, slept overnight)
I have continued to see this guy, once a week, or fortnight or even month. New Zealand had a second lockdown so that put some distance between us. He always seems a little sex averse, he'll steer things away with a...
:emoji_high_brightness: Handsome chap (Grindr, late 20s, my bedroom, slept overnight)
I had chatted to this guy a week or so ago and exchanged WhatsApp details. He sent me a message basically saying that he was going to come around and stay the night, haha! Quite a bold move. I accepted. He...
:emoji_two_men_holding_hands: One of the main reasons I write this blog is because I fear I forget about sex. As much as it takes time and energy to pursue and to do. . . if sex is simply forgotten then did it deserve the effort in the first place? So I have to own that I forgot about a fuck...
:emoji_avocado: Keto (I made a thread about this when I started) & :emoji_abcd: Writing
So, June wasn't a big month for me sexually. The Keto flu fat-adaptation phase tanked my libido for a few weeks and then I had a writing deadline for my PhD that filled me with stress and poor sleep. The guy...
:emoji_high_brightness: Fit Runner (late thirties, gay bathhouse) Round II
So he'd been the last shag of January this year. We're facebook friends, so it's easy enough to stay in touch. We'd made a plan to meet at the sauna, but he was feeling tired so we started at the bar first so he could...
:worried:
Summary: So, the last few weeks have been a real pain in the ass. Guys who felt so free to communicate under conditions of lockdown, have gone silent now under conditions where we might actually meet. I've been ghosted and postponed, and the quality of potential connections seems to...