Depression: My War *que dramatic cheesy music*

So I saw Ezra_Pound's thread on suicide, and wanted to put some scattered thoughts down on depression.

A little bit of my history:
I have been depressed for a very long time now. I think its close to about 7 years. There were a few months in between, during the last semester of high school when I wasn't (really pretty girl and I were getting friendly...unfortunately nothing more....but that's for a different sob story), but then it hit again and harder. I was only diagnozed about a year ago. I struggled through most of university and finally couldn't take it anymore. I saw a phsychologist for 8 months, and then stopped going because my insurance coverage ran out for the year. But from talking to the psychologist, I understood a few things. I had depression and anxiety issues, I needed to be able to relax and refocus, and take care of the anxiety, and develop a new basis for happiness other than my marks at school and university. The psychologist taught me ways to relax, via meditation and breathing, and presented me with a different outlook on life.

My problem:
I don't know whether it's just depression or laziness, but I can't seem to get myself to do anything. I tend to be lethargic most of the time, and rarely ever seek the company of people. So without accomplishing anything, or having much of a social life (read....loner), the cycle continues...
I am really negative, and I hate that about myself...which ironically, is quite the slippery slope. Anyway. My point is, that this negativity, is kind of the cause AND effect of depression, forming some sort of....freaky-deaky....mobius strip....like situation. Incoherent similies aside, I desperately need to break this cycle. My life has gone nowhere for the past 4 years, and I want to stop this! I need to stay focused toward this end.

To be continued....

*dramatic cheesy music fadeout*

Comments

Alright. Well your case sounds alot similar to mine, where i am lethargic and dont pursue a social life, although i know that being social and getting more friends to do stuff with is important for me. But there is the anxiety that still controls, and is one of the things that makes it hard to do something like pursue a social life.
Well what i hear alot is that i need to do something to break this cycle ,and i'm sure that you have heard this too. And its alot easier said than done. I would say set a little goal everyday, it sounds cheesy, but it can help.
 
I'm just like you man, I'm trying right now to see a counselor for it. I've had anxiety almost all my life it seems and it has made me depressed because I can't really get out there and do anything without feeling clausterphobic. I would go to the store and get hot flashes because of all the people around me. I've never really had a social life because of it. I just can't seem to make friends are be around other people without getting all worked up.
 
Sounds like depression to me. I think you should get an official diagnosis though. There may be medication and diet change that can help you. Hang in there.
 
John, I agree with naughty. It sound like depression, perhaps a lower grade variety called dysthymic disorder. It tends to be more chronic than situational and is responsive to antidepressant medications. Welbutrin is good in that it doesn't have negative sexual side effects. In fact, some studies have shown it to improve sexual function in men who aren't depressed. Tom, some antidepressant medications have anti-anxiety side effects profiles. Paxil is one. Mr. Hardcock, this sounds more like agoraphobia. Do you have panic attacks?
Guys, I hope you all get some help. I believe that counseling can be truly transformative to SOME people and situationally helpful to most. But psychopharmacology has really improved in recent years and is pretty reliable if you give it a chance, bearing in mind that it is an inexact science and the first medication tried may not be the right one.
Dave
 
I've lived with it for as long as I can remember....since..oh 5 yrs old or so, until now, at 30 yrs old, so you are not alone.

Of ALL the shrinks, and ALL the pills....you have to keep trying to see what works for you.

For Some of us (me), it never gets better, and you learn to live with it somehow.

Hardcock - Welcome to a Social Anxiety Panic Attack. Wait till you get em so bad you literally collapse. Theyre Fun!

My therapist told me "I dont know how your still alive"

Neither do I...but I'm still moving forward. One day at a time.
 
I saw a doctor once about it, and he prescribed some prozac, and a mild sedative for the anxiety. I am not too keen on medication, just because it tends to have way too many side effects. Even the doctor, who prescribed the meds to me, told me that. But I am thinking about going back to see my psychologist.

Thanks for all the response/support!
 

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