Dinner Alone with Alex

**Please read part I of this story here if you haven't already**

Link to part I: http://www.lpsg.com/blogs/stringer/just-another-summer-monday-night-41671/
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Alex and I met for dinner last night, just the two of us. He picked me up from my house after work and then we drove to the restaurant - blasting deadmau5 along the way for all of the city to hear.

We got to the restaurant and started getting a little deeper in conversation. He put everything out there: that he likes me and thinks I'm very attractive. I am really surprised at how straightforward he was and that he does have feelings for me, but maybe I shouldn't be after looking at some of the clues (how about him making out with me - duh). He was telling me how some of the texts he sent me were meant to be hints but I was completely clueless. I was coming from the standpoint of "I just want you to be comfortable, so I'm 100% looking at you as just a friend [for now, until you're ready to open up]." And open up he did (figuratively, not literally :wink:). I didn't even know he was gay until last night. Just was not going to assume anything until I heard him say it. But he told me everything - he shared his gay experiences and I shared mine - I was glad because it made us even closer.

Here's the problem. I really like him too. But I just have zero physical attraction for anyone close to my age. That's very big. I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone I don't have a sexual attraction for. It's simply too big a dealbreaker. I said this in a way to him - "I'm generally not into guys my age" and he took it as a rejection which I felt fucking awful about. I immediately tried to reassure him that I'm not ruling him out completely. I continued to him: "I am not going to rule you out because of your age. Nature will run its course with us and whatever happens happens." That was the nicest possible way I could say that I am not really feeling this - like THAT - but I wanted him to know that there is always a chance and that I am open for anything happening. I know that sounds terrible but it's the god's honest truth, and he appreciated that I explained it to him. I wish it were easy for me to just throw myself at him, but if the attraction is not there.............................

Dinner flew by. Two hours passed after we ordered when we realized our food hadn't come yet. Our waitress didn't put in our order (as a result, drinks were on the house, plus we got an additional 10% taken off the bill). We were so wrapped up in conversation that we forgot about the food. That just illustrates our connection and how easy conversation flows between the two of us. After dinner I invited him to come hang out at my place for a bit, which was probably a mistake. That sends a message that I don't know if I wanted to send yet. He met my parents and then we hung out in my room for a bit and it felt really awkward - he definitely wanted to do something with me but I did not, and that created a weird vibe. I should have just said good night after dinner and that we'd reconnect again soon. But anyway, that's not too big a deal and we didn't do anything further. He went home at 10:45, so we were alone together for about four hours.

All that being said, I am frustrated. I meet this amazingly hot guy my age who has the most perfect personality, and is very into me, but I feel no physical attraction toward him. Why is it always something with the guys I meet in person? Nothing has come easy at all for me yet in my young dating/love/sex life. I know this all sounds silly, and that I should not to get too bent out of shape since I am only 18 years old, but it does weigh on the mind. I won't let myself get too down about it, just venting a bit.

That's how I feel right now and that's where I'll leave this for now. I'm going away for the next seven days so we won't see each other but we will keep in touch by texting. Then I'll only have two weeks home before going away to college for my sophomore year.

To be continued...

Comments

There is no explaining attraction, but from all the people I have spoken with about sex this past year I do know that your preferences usually will change over time. You will meet a hot someone who may just blow you away but who is outside the norm of what you usually look for and all of a sudden....you will realize that you are starting to "warm up" to that body type/age/physique/whatever. Don't beat yourself up. Just stay open to a friendship with your guy and do not burn any bridges with him--his friendship is important to you now. But I would also say to NOT lead him on and that will serve you better for the future in not ruining a wonderful friendship.

My own preferences in men have changed this past year and a half as I have been opening up to sex and relationships. While I am trying to not be as picky as far as the body type, my tastes have actually become more narrow lately. I have NO CLUE why. I think it may have to do with some of my lovers, who are all slender, tall, hung and kinda baby-faced. Twinkish a bit but still athletic and toned. Definitely a younger guy. Just go with your current desires and it will lead you eventually into exploring and having a good time. You may surprise yourself and find later on that you are becoming attracted to others in your age range. Good luck with things!
 
random comment, i know, but...

it's definitely worth it to keep him around as a friend. it's hard to find someone you just 'click' with, physical attraction or not. and how many friendships last longer than 'romantic relationships'?

if you 2 grow into more, it will be organic and beautiful. just go with what your heart tells you.
 
Dude, get over this fixation on older men. We’re fussy queens who are stubborn and set in our ways. We have dinner at 4:30 pm and go to bed by 9. The TV is on extra loud because we hardly have any hearing left, it takes forever for us to have a bowel movement and we have to take pills to get a boner. And just think – when you’re 40 and some teen aged homo hottie is lusting after you you’ll be stuck pushing your old guy around in a wheelchair and feeding him strained applesauce and Ensure. And I won’t even start on the hair growing where it has no right to be!

OK, maybe I exaggerate. Except for the hair. I’m going to pm you later this week. Sorry I don’t have time now. The early bird special at Red Lobster ends in a 1/2 hour. :biggrin1:
 
Well, my friend, it has taken me awhile to get to your newest blog post.

I do believe that we get preoccupied with traits of others which attract us, but you have to realize that the "right" person on the inside may not meet your criteria on the outside.

My observation has been that the strongest, long-term relationships developed over time as a couple gets to know each other and how compatible they are with each other. "Love at First Sight" is very rare, some say it does not exist.

Cdunstan has a point about the age differences as life progresses. I say, if you want to have a fling with someone attractive and older, then find the "right" one, but have no expectations in the relationship. That way, you won't be so disappointed.

Alex seems awesome and has put himself "out there" for your benefit. He is taking a risk, even though he knows your proclivities. That move stands for a lot in my book. It would be worth developing a better relationship with him, whether it leads to a romantic one or not. But he is attracted to YOU. It may be difficult for him to settle for friendship in the early part of this journey.

You have friends here who care, so don't be shy about talking with us about what's on your mind. Believe it or not, decisions you make regarding your relationships do affect you long term, even if the relationships are not. Just ask us older guys... even if we deny it outwardly, we know inwardly how our earlier relationships affected other subsequent relationships. But that's another chapter...
 
You're only 18? Wow! You're amazing, Stringer.
You know, I feel for you ... but I'm not at all worried about you.
You are way in advance of your age in lots of ways. Very sensitive, very aware.
You obviously have a bit of stuff to sort out ... but when you do, you're going to be one formidable partner for whoever is lucky enough to land you.
 

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