**Please read part I of this story here if you haven't already**
Link to part I: http://www.lpsg.com/blogs/stringer/just-another-summer-monday-night-41671/
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Alex and I met for dinner last night, just the two of us. He picked me up from my house after work and then we drove to the restaurant - blasting deadmau5 along the way for all of the city to hear.
We got to the restaurant and started getting a little deeper in conversation. He put everything out there: that he likes me and thinks I'm very attractive. I am really surprised at how straightforward he was and that he does have feelings for me, but maybe I shouldn't be after looking at some of the clues (how about him making out with me - duh). He was telling me how some of the texts he sent me were meant to be hints but I was completely clueless. I was coming from the standpoint of "I just want you to be comfortable, so I'm 100% looking at you as just a friend [for now, until you're ready to open up]." And open up he did (figuratively, not literally :wink
. I didn't even know he was gay until last night. Just was not going to assume anything until I heard him say it. But he told me everything - he shared his gay experiences and I shared mine - I was glad because it made us even closer.
Here's the problem. I really like him too. But I just have zero physical attraction for anyone close to my age. That's very big. I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone I don't have a sexual attraction for. It's simply too big a dealbreaker. I said this in a way to him - "I'm generally not into guys my age" and he took it as a rejection which I felt fucking awful about. I immediately tried to reassure him that I'm not ruling him out completely. I continued to him: "I am not going to rule you out because of your age. Nature will run its course with us and whatever happens happens." That was the nicest possible way I could say that I am not really feeling this - like THAT - but I wanted him to know that there is always a chance and that I am open for anything happening. I know that sounds terrible but it's the god's honest truth, and he appreciated that I explained it to him. I wish it were easy for me to just throw myself at him, but if the attraction is not there.............................
Dinner flew by. Two hours passed after we ordered when we realized our food hadn't come yet. Our waitress didn't put in our order (as a result, drinks were on the house, plus we got an additional 10% taken off the bill). We were so wrapped up in conversation that we forgot about the food. That just illustrates our connection and how easy conversation flows between the two of us. After dinner I invited him to come hang out at my place for a bit, which was probably a mistake. That sends a message that I don't know if I wanted to send yet. He met my parents and then we hung out in my room for a bit and it felt really awkward - he definitely wanted to do something with me but I did not, and that created a weird vibe. I should have just said good night after dinner and that we'd reconnect again soon. But anyway, that's not too big a deal and we didn't do anything further. He went home at 10:45, so we were alone together for about four hours.
All that being said, I am frustrated. I meet this amazingly hot guy my age who has the most perfect personality, and is very into me, but I feel no physical attraction toward him. Why is it always something with the guys I meet in person? Nothing has come easy at all for me yet in my young dating/love/sex life. I know this all sounds silly, and that I should not to get too bent out of shape since I am only 18 years old, but it does weigh on the mind. I won't let myself get too down about it, just venting a bit.
That's how I feel right now and that's where I'll leave this for now. I'm going away for the next seven days so we won't see each other but we will keep in touch by texting. Then I'll only have two weeks home before going away to college for my sophomore year.
To be continued...
Link to part I: http://www.lpsg.com/blogs/stringer/just-another-summer-monday-night-41671/
________________________________________________________________________________
Alex and I met for dinner last night, just the two of us. He picked me up from my house after work and then we drove to the restaurant - blasting deadmau5 along the way for all of the city to hear.
We got to the restaurant and started getting a little deeper in conversation. He put everything out there: that he likes me and thinks I'm very attractive. I am really surprised at how straightforward he was and that he does have feelings for me, but maybe I shouldn't be after looking at some of the clues (how about him making out with me - duh). He was telling me how some of the texts he sent me were meant to be hints but I was completely clueless. I was coming from the standpoint of "I just want you to be comfortable, so I'm 100% looking at you as just a friend [for now, until you're ready to open up]." And open up he did (figuratively, not literally :wink
Here's the problem. I really like him too. But I just have zero physical attraction for anyone close to my age. That's very big. I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone I don't have a sexual attraction for. It's simply too big a dealbreaker. I said this in a way to him - "I'm generally not into guys my age" and he took it as a rejection which I felt fucking awful about. I immediately tried to reassure him that I'm not ruling him out completely. I continued to him: "I am not going to rule you out because of your age. Nature will run its course with us and whatever happens happens." That was the nicest possible way I could say that I am not really feeling this - like THAT - but I wanted him to know that there is always a chance and that I am open for anything happening. I know that sounds terrible but it's the god's honest truth, and he appreciated that I explained it to him. I wish it were easy for me to just throw myself at him, but if the attraction is not there.............................
Dinner flew by. Two hours passed after we ordered when we realized our food hadn't come yet. Our waitress didn't put in our order (as a result, drinks were on the house, plus we got an additional 10% taken off the bill). We were so wrapped up in conversation that we forgot about the food. That just illustrates our connection and how easy conversation flows between the two of us. After dinner I invited him to come hang out at my place for a bit, which was probably a mistake. That sends a message that I don't know if I wanted to send yet. He met my parents and then we hung out in my room for a bit and it felt really awkward - he definitely wanted to do something with me but I did not, and that created a weird vibe. I should have just said good night after dinner and that we'd reconnect again soon. But anyway, that's not too big a deal and we didn't do anything further. He went home at 10:45, so we were alone together for about four hours.
All that being said, I am frustrated. I meet this amazingly hot guy my age who has the most perfect personality, and is very into me, but I feel no physical attraction toward him. Why is it always something with the guys I meet in person? Nothing has come easy at all for me yet in my young dating/love/sex life. I know this all sounds silly, and that I should not to get too bent out of shape since I am only 18 years old, but it does weigh on the mind. I won't let myself get too down about it, just venting a bit.
That's how I feel right now and that's where I'll leave this for now. I'm going away for the next seven days so we won't see each other but we will keep in touch by texting. Then I'll only have two weeks home before going away to college for my sophomore year.
To be continued...