Disclosure or keep the secret?

Guys,
More than 10 years I keep my secret from everyone that I am gay. Being gay in Indonesia is not a simple life. I often feel jealous when some of u have a fine partner, u can do what u wanna do. U can hang out and get married with someone u really love. I really scare if I must reveal what my sex orientation. Government and social environment never give a place for a gay. I have a boyfriend, but I must get broken heart twice, because he leave me for a normal life. He can't face social judgement. I won't blame him. To carry on my gay life, I just collect beauty hunk pics, gay movies, etc. Well guys, what supposed me to do? Is it right what I have done?

Comments

It sounds to me that you have dealt as you could with a very difficult situation.

I can only imagine what your life has been like. It's tough to keep that big a part of yourself hidden. I can't tell you if it's right what you have done or not; you are who you are, and you live where you live. Aside from leaving Indonesia, I don't know what you could have done differently.
 
As much as this goes against everything I believe in, I suggest you continue to keep your sexuality a secret considering the political and social issues you most likely have to deal with. If I'm remembering correctly, Indonesia is primarily Muslim with a bit of Buddhism and a smattering of christianity and a few Hindus? In such a religious environment I'd applaud you for coming out, but I would fear for your safety and your life. Do you have the option of relocating to a country in South East Asia that is a bit more gay friendly?
 
Thank krispdx, midlifebear and avgjoe for your comments.
Frankly, I wanna go abroad, leave Indonesia and stay in another country. USA or Europe I think the best location to carry on my gay life. But, I must have a reason to do it without make my parent shock and die quickly. I don't have any family or friends from other country. Everybody knows it's not easy to stay in another country for the long period or change my nationality. I just wanna feel free doing what I wanna do without feel quilty. I wanna love and be loved. Is it difficult?
 

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