Erotic Messages from the Water Corporation

I have a couple of houses I rent out in a seaside resort to the north of where I live. I'm accustomed to getting letters from the relevant authorities and they are usually full of jargon and gobbledegook that leaves me wondering whatever became of the English language.

One paragraph in the latest letter - which refers to plans to improve the central wastewater system - has left me somewhat disturbed. I quote:

"As these rectification works are carried out you may experience increased activity around your various private holdings and works may be required in your front verge. All disturbed verges will be reinstated at the completion of works. Please notify us if you consider your front verge needs to be treated with particular sensitivity in any regard and we will endeavour to deal with it in a manner that maintains its visual integrity while still ensuring your waterworks are of a superior type"

Is it just my dirty mind that feels there is something almost sensual about their designs on my "private holdings" and their promise to treat my "front verge" with sensitivity and leave me with superior "waterworks"?

I feel a need to loiter with my front verge exposed in the hope that these works may upgrade my waterworks to an extent where I am eligible to join a Huge Penis Support Group!

Comments

Your water corp has a very dirty mind! I look forward to seeing any improvements to your front verge.
 
Maybe you're on the verge of having your private holdings become the object of a lot of husky, sweaty work. Might be worth investigating.
 
Looks to me like your Water Corporation are semi-subliminally sending you erotic 'positive strokes' messages because they know sex sells, and by forming an erotic association in your head between some necessary and routine maintenance - which nonetheless infringes on your property - and sensitive front verge considerations, they come across like an intuitive and considerate lover, tapping ointo your deeper subconscious mind, and helping make it easier for you to accept that your front verge will be disturbed . . .in the nicest possible way!
Freudian PR at its finest!
 
The most disturbing thing is that my front verge has already been modified - at birth. I'm worried about what may be removed next!

And, yes, I am on the verge of making the verge open for inspection ... soon.
 
Comically I like your front verge just the way it is and if there is to be any "private holding" going on please let it be me doing the holding!
 

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