Extremely Irritated.

So I have been irritated to the max about this particular topic and I need to vent.
Back in April of 2012 I made the conscience decision to begin to accept that fact that my bisexuality was not just a phase or fantasy, it was the real deal. At that point I decided to come out, slowly but surely. The only family I came out to was my niece. And I’m only out to a few friends. I don’t feel someone should be rushed into coming out if they are still getting used to the idea themselves.
I have been on a few sites attempting to casually date my first, maybe only, man. I have been upfront and honest about the fact my family doesn’t know, and won’t officially know anytime soon and here’s why. When I first came to terms with my sexuality, it was in the middle of my father dying from pancreatic cancer. Literally, 2 weeks after my “discovery” my father passed away. So it really wasn’t a good time to stand and say “guess who in the family is attracted to women AND men…this guy!” Especially when you don’t know how your senior citizen mother with the heart condition, who just lost of her husband of 44 years, is going to react. The mourning period continued throughout the summer and still today. Now it’s been almost a year since his passing why not tell them now? Good Question. My sister, who has been battling stage 4-breast cancer, is now dying. She is not expected to make it through next week. Again not the perfect time to stand up and say “guess who likes pussy and cock…this guy!” So what’s my beef? Don’t tell me I’m too old to still be in the closet. Don’t tell me I need to tell my family. It doesn’t make me afraid or embarrassed. My sexuality is not the priority in the family. Don’t get upset with me and tell me I am ashamed of being bi when you were outed by your sister boyfriend at the age of 14.
Also, don’t get upset when I say I don’t want to come out at work. I work in a field where being openly gay or bi could cost you your job. Is it right that that could happen? No it’s not, but the fact is it can and does. I still stand firm about my belief when it comes to gay rights and my office is a hate free zone. Everyone at work knows I am very supportive of LGBTQ rights and that I do not hide. But when you work in an environment that is very conservative, it’s a job security thing nothing more and unless you are going to pay me my $65,000 salary plus benefits don’t get mad because I say I don’t want to come out at work.
The other thing that “chaps my ass” is when a women or gay man say they will not go out with a bisexual man. The reasoning is for some gay men; “it’s too hard to worry about my man being with another man, but to have to worry about them being with another women also is too much”. For women it the same thing just vice versa; “it to much trouble worrying about him with another woman, but to have to compete with men too, is too much”. Here’s a direct quote from a man I was talking to on plentyoffish.com: “Cuz its to much tryin to worry bout him fuckin around wit other guys gotta worry about the ladies too fuck that aint nobody got time fa that!!! lol.. and u knw women r so touchy feely I wouldnt b able to see his female friends on him and shit.. plus im jus not comf with the fact they like pussy.. I dont understand why some men put themselves thru that shit..if I was bi and had a choice I would stick to women cus men are full of shit and never knw wat they want and r far more unfaithful..” Yeah, that’s what he said. Here’s my thought on this. If you are feeling this way then you have some self-esteem issues that you need to work out. The problem is not me being bi, but you need to have better self-esteem. I don’t see it being any more trouble then any other relationship. I also have a problem when a gay man tells me “You need to choose dick or pussy”… I choose FUCK YOU. I don’t have to choose a goddamn thing because I like them both. If I end up with a woman for the rest of my life, then that is what fate had in store and the same goes if I end up with a man. I choose to love people. Don’t tell me “you’re bi now, but you’ll be gay later” Uh no I don’t think so. I love pussy just as much as the dick. My love is first come first serve.
The fact that some gay men would openly discriminate bisexual men all the while trying to obtain equal rights for all of us is disgusting to me. If you are that concerned with losing your man to another man or women, then step up your game because my love is first come first serve and I have a lot of it to share.

Comments

I hope you fee better writing this. I could sense the emotions you are battling.

First, I totally 100% agree with you that your sexuality is not the family's priority. There are too many much more important issues to deal with. As a matter of fact, I think your sexuality is never your family's business, unless they just come right out and ask. Who you want to have sex with is really no one's business, except for those you want to fuck. Why do you feel such a need to "come out"? Peer pressure? Want to bring a guy home? Deal with those as they come along. As I see it from your blog, you haven't even met a guy yet. You will know when the time is right to tell your family. (just my opinion there.)

Point two: Dating is tough for anyone (well except for those perfect people out there... and I bet if they were truthful, the relationship part gets tough for them too.) I understand and have heard the "I can't date you b/c you are bi" comments. The bottom line is this: If a person says they would be to busy worrying about you with another guy (or girl).... that means they don't trust you. Trust is the basis for any relationship. That whole excuse is just a crock, simply put, either a person trusts you or they don't. So when you hear that comment just move on to someone else.

Good luck.
 
Sorry about your father.

You're not obligated to "come out" to anyone except yourself. Sexuality labels are a ridiculous manipulation that only date a century or so. In many ancient cultures, including Greece and Rome where we carry on their ideas, bisexuality was consider "evolved" from common thought.

To reject the emotional and intimate connection with someone who is like you, is called self-hate. Let us not forget we are all the single-cell organism that learned how to multiply.

I've been bi all my life and its not changing. I avoid the gay community because its not a healthy place to actually LOVE men. The treat each other like shit.
 

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