Extremes: really in to you and then really cold.

So I ended up hooking up with my former roomate again, he's the small handsome type. I have been fantasizing about him lately when I found out he was coming to town for a visit. He is a lot smaller about than me (in all ways) which was a huge turn on for me and when I first saw him I knew he was gay, though he was still in denial.

Now we fooled around for a bit before he moved out to go to school. After that it was really awkward between us. He has sent me a drunken text how he missed me and then was really cold to me when we actually saw each other. He would call me randomly during the summer just to chat, always out of the blue. So I was really excited when he came to town before he went to burning man.


Now we had a good night of drinking and he kept saying he was going to stay at a friend of our house for the night. Then all of a sudden he said he was going to stay at my place. I knew then and their I was going to get some. And we ended up having some pasionate sex, and in the throws of his passion he whispers
"It's to bad I only get to see you a couple times a year" Now I'm pretty sure he hasnt had any sex besides from me. And I know i'm the only guy he has hooked up with. So when he comes back to town, he drops off one of my other roomates, he doen't even come in to the house. He seems to go through these extremes, from really in to me to really cold. I have no idea what to make of this, granted he goes to school in another province and I don't want a relationship or anything, but I have no idea of what to make of these signals.

Comments

There's an old saying: "We hate in others what we hate within ourselves". If we assume your analysis is correct and he is gay but he is in denial, it seems he can't admit his feelings for you. By treating you coldly he is attempting to show himself that he can live his life without having feelings for another man...which is you, in this case.
The problem has nothing to do with you specifically. It's all his drama. You can choose to continue to deal with him and his denial, his treating you poorly and having the occassional one night drunken stand with him. Or you can distance yourself from his drama and find another guy who has no problem making you a part of his life. Whether or not you tell him why you're removing him from your life would be up to you.
 
Don't know how well I can speak to the gay angle of this, but I know I go through swings because my heart and my head are trying to get in step with one another. While I'm usually pretty steadfast in how I feel about someone, occasionally in life, I'll run into someone who throws me for a complete loop. It's not just about sex. You really get enthralled by someone and you really like them, but you're trying to figure them out and all that stuff.

On the one hand, I definitely appreciate being able to say "enough is enough." If it brings you nothing but grief, let him go. On the other hand, as inconvenient and uncomfortable as it is to go from hot to cold, take some time to evaluate how you feel about him. Sometimes weird signals make you reevaluate what you're doing and how you feel (not that you're at fault for what he's doing). I know if I get into a row with someone, I try to take stock of where our relationship is going at the time. If it's worth it, stick it out.

Just be honest either way.
 

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