Flake Out (advice anyone)

I'm trying to decide, when enough is enough, should just let this one die or is it time for a reality check. My friends and I have been hanging out, nothing new, but one has consistently been absent. Her life has not changed in any major way, but the last time any of us saw her, she was not in a relationship, and now that she is, it's almost like the rest of us don't exist. We've invited her out quite a few times in the last three months, but she's always "busy," having to study and then we find out she spent the weekend doing shit with her girlfriend or traveling with her girlfriend. We're not sensitive people, if you don't want to hang out with us, fine, just have some fucking balls and say it, but you can't forsake your friends for some girlfriend, and then get dumped and expect to get cozy with people you haven't had time for in the last three months. My best friend who is also a really good friend of hers has been in NY for almost 5 months, and she couldn't pry herself away from her last gf long enough to say hi when she came home.

All of us have had our own relationships and personal shit and have always made time for each other, but she can't. Someone suggested that lesbian relationships tend to be more serious than usual relationships in the beginning, but I really just think that's horse shit, an excuse. We've had this discussion once before when she had her gf come along when we went camping, and it turned out that we all hated her (she was a bitch, and according to her something is wrong with me because I'm a guy.)

This super love obsession thing is getting old, maybe she's co-dependent or something. I don't know the inner-workings of lesbian relationships, but I can't believe that this is what a healthy relationship does to a person, or looks like, although they have all looked like this, just not lasted as long. It's fucked up to say, but I don't feel sympathy for her and her relationship woes anymore, her being dumped is petty much the only way any of us are going to see her again.

Comments

Your feelings are very understandable. You feel like you are getting used when she is upset and depressed because she either got dumped or doesn't have anyone. Then she gets in a relationship and "POOF", no friend. Sounds like she has an addicitive personality and throws herself into "love" and that is all she focuses on. And believe me, it ain't a lesbian thing. I have three very good friends that are lesbian and they hang out with or without their gf and that is ok with both of them.

I'd tell her straight up, this is how we feel and we are your friends, you don't need to lie to us and we deserve better. Maybe even say her gf is welcome when you get together to hang out.

I hope it works out for you in enough time that she hasn't completely burned all her bridges with you guys.
 
I've found that lesbians tend to give their relationships their "all" for the first few months. You'll call and call, and you might get one time hanging out with them alone. I can't explain it, but lesbians tend to commit to the relationship very quickly, and sometimes they get absorbed completely into it for a period of time. Give your lesbian friend a little slack while they're testing the waters of the new relationship. She's still the same person that you became friends with, but she is taking some time to figure out how to fit her old life in with her new life. Continue to call and let her know that you're still friends, and in a couple months she should begin to integrate back into society. Usually this happens with either the ending of the relationship, or with the wearing off of the new love/lust and settling down into a routine in the relationship.
 
Oh gawd, guys, this is exactly what girls do!

Whether they are str8 or gay, there are loads of girls out there with exactly this kind of behaviour.

We don't all do it, but I bet there isn't a girl on this board who hasn't experienced exactly this with at least one or more of their female friends.

When I was a kid and first experienced it I too was 'WTF?!?!' Then as I grew up I saw it more and more... and to be honest, as a girl, you learn to put up with it. My friend is 41 and is in just the same spot you are in now. A friend of hers has just got a boy friend and she hasn't heard a dicky bird from her in 2 months. Prior to that their social life revolved around eachother.

Sadly it's just a fact of life. She will come back when she's dumped, and it's just up to you whether you want to be there for her or let her back in your circle. But be sure next time she finds a partner, she'll do exactly the same again. Totally unreliable as a friend. I've never been that aware of any guys doing it though. I certainly didn't do it. I'm not sure whether it comes down to insecurity, selfishness or, as was said before, complete focus on the relationship. Maybe all 3. But it is bloody rude and has always irritated the pants off me!!
 
but you can't forsake your friends for some girlfriend, and then get dumped and expect to get cozy with people

Why can't you, they're your friends and friends are supposed to be there for you not make demands that you have to put in a certain amount of hours before they're friends.
 
Well, I have plenty of friends that are like that. They have a life too.

If she is busy, let her be busy. But, I think that you shouldn't listen to her if starts to rant about her girlfriend breaking up with her...if THAT ever happens.

If it does happen, you can tell your friend that you guys weren't around for all of that...and that since she was all about her girlfriend and less about the rest of her friends back then, her rants will be received with a well-placed busy signal. Hehehe.
 
Thanks, for the advice

SpoiledPrincess
Good point, it does seem kind of fucked up to drop a friend like that

rryguyga80
I think calling her would be a good idea, to stay on the radar

Osiris
an honest talk couldn't hurt, sounds like a good idea

IknowKK
I hope it doesn't spread to any of the other girls I know, she used to be so reliable. Also your avatar is brilliant, thumbs up.

invisibleman
The busy tone sounds like a good idea as well

So an honest talk, stay on the radar, expect it, and if it happens again I'll try a busy tone.
(sounds a ton better than dropping a friend of 7 years)

Thanks everybody!
 

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