Frank Response of a Friend

I don't usually post a thread and a blog which are exactly the same; but ZOS23xy mentioned that it was blog worthy and I trust his opinion.

It was inspred by this thread.

As some people here know, I am prone to wake up texting whatever pops into my head, at any hour.

Anyway I have a good friend who over the course of the last 35 years or so seems only to attract bisexual or gay men. As for me I attract gay men like moths to a flame dame. :tongue: Don't get me wrong, I love my gays! Any straight man I am with has to know and accept that I have gay friends and they aren't going anywhere. Sometimes I wonder, what it is about me that attracts gay men, yet repels straight men?

My initial question to my friend is in blue as are my comments. Her response is in purple. I don't know that I agree with all that she said but some of it makes sense.

----- Original Text Message -----
From: <me>
To: <her>
Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2008 6:49 AM

Why do you and I attract gay and bisexual men so much? Why can't I attract straight men like that? NJQT466

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -​

We are not threatened by gay guys. As much as we'd like a relationship with a man who loves, cares, would take care of us when we needed it, leave us alone when we don't and provide great sex, we are afraid -- afraid we will be decimated again like we were in the first place.[/QUOTE]
We were both involved in long term relationships with men named Ed. Both bastards decimated our souls in June of 2002 and it has taken us a long time to recover.

We act as if we don't need a man and that turns them off. We don't read their signals and we don't give any back to them.
That's her problem not mine. She is 16 years older than me and a fiercely independent feminist. I on the other hand, have no problem letting a man open my door, pull out my chair, or change my tire.

I treat 'D' like my boyfriend and since we're not -- he loves it.
'D' is the latest in a long series of bi-men to desire her. She is built like a 5'2" Jayne Mansfield with hips and ass and curly hair. 'D' makes no bones about prefering men but loving a woman wth booty. :lmao:

If you were serious, you'd get on a respectable website and be honest. You do not look like Whitney Houston even though someone once thought you were her. You are pretty and funny and a delight to be around. Be brutally honest about who and what you are and what you want out of a relationship.
I'm not sure what she means by a repsectable website but I have tried them all, even the ones you have to pay for and had no luck.

FWIW- I was mistaken for Whitney Houston on more than one occassion back in her pre-crack years of the late 1980's.


Be sure you say what you want: and I think you want a man who is professional,

has money and will let you have some of it to play with.
:rolleyes: Well duh!
Actually I'd prefer a blue collar man with white collar money. I have had a few too many negative experiences dating white collar professional types. The ones I meet have been arrogant, snobs prone to emotional and verbal abuse.

You want him to be smart, funny and whatever you find sexy. He has to be white. He has to live up to your ideas about a man and he has to make you happy. I'm not sure what you expect to give him back in return.
Everything, except my credit cards. Seriously, I don't know how to love half-way which is probably why I often have my heart broken.

You have to go on a lot of blind dates set up by your family. You have to be open to relationships with everyone. In other words you have to work at it. A relationship is not going to fall in your lap.
OH HELL TO THE NO! The last time I let a family member set me up on a blind date, was the LAST time a family member would set me up on a blind date. My dad chose my cousin to take me to the senior prom. :yikes:

I still cannot get used to the church being the center of social life in the south. I have been to church a few times here but there are literally no single men under 70

Comments

PA,

I dont think she is saying anything to you that you probably have not already said here a number of times. You have definitely preferences and have not been afraid to articulate them. I think ideally many women would want many of the same things with slight variations.
My question is what are the things that you would be willing to compromise in order that you achieved your goal of marriage and hopefully a child ? It would be wonderful if all of them could be fulfilled !
This post and many others has made me think about a book I read years ago about Black women and their dating expectations. It made me very angry when I first read it, but it also helped me to look realistically at what is out here and what the actual possibilities might be.
I think I am going to make a thread about what the psychologist called true market value. It created a sobering thought, to say the least.

As for attracting Gay or Bi men, it may be because they can appreciate you soley for the wonderful personality traits you may bring to the table. You are strong outspoken, bright and fun. They also dont have to worry about any expectations from you of support love or sex so their friendship I would think in theory may be the most genuine. It is based soley on you, not on wanting to get into your pants.
 
Confident women go together well with gay men; and in the same breath I'll say that on average, confident women don't have too many hetero guy friends. This is a very generalized thought but I can rationalize it. If you attract low testosterone hetero males then they are going to be intimidated by your intelligence and unwavering opinions. (high testosterone males would be described as type A) The low testosterone guys need an epiphany to realize they do not want to be in control of a relationship. Thanks to society all men think they should be in control. They need a woman to be in control. A confused man is a low testosterone man that thinks he needs to be in charge, or a high testosterone man thinking he needs to be led. It's the same for women. High testosterone women are type A and good leaders. They do not need a type A male to butt heads with them in their personal or professional life.

People can be classified in groups like this to extrapolate interactions etc for the sake of efficiency. Wouldn't you rather eliminate 8 out of 10 bad dates before ever going out with a guy? For example a first born child usually will not get along well or for long with another first born. There are anomalies as with anything in nature, but on average we can prove through divorces that two first borns do not align well. We can say the same about a high testosterone female and a high testosterone male. Nature prefers a balance and the best relationships I've seen are with low testosterone women and high testosterone men because they socially line up and intimately match.

I'm a bit off topic throughout this thought. Initially I wanted to talk about how our energy patterns attract certain people to us. I can't prove it but I've seen it too many times to ignore the phenomenon. I have a friend who does not look handsome or anything but he has this life desire to bang chicks and so he does bang chicks and sometimes more than one at a time. My best friend's father said when he was in college one of his roommates would sit down and pray to Buddha every night by repeating a word over and over. He would give Buddha an orange and a glass of water every night then in the morning he would eat and drink them. Do you want to know what word he repeated over and over? Pussy. And do you think he got laid often? Yes he did and by the hottest women on campus. The guy was less than average looking as well but his desire was exuded into public and attracted what it was he wanted. To make this long story less long I'm suggesting you to use your conscious thought to drown out your subconcious thoughts. Subconsicously you are asking to meet gay men. I think you should conciously ask to meet straight men.
 
Previous poster,

I was with you till you got to the Pussified Buddist. LOL! It may be true or it may also be that the person for all of his or her protestations to the contrary may be a closet commitment phobe. Often people unconsciously do things that will sabotage what they say they really want. The point in your story however seems that for even the men who were pure cat chasers they were open enough to just ask for pussy in whatever form it took. One person did draw what you may consider fine women, you dont know whatelse he brought to the table that one didnt see. But there was a degree of openess.
 
I have wondered why so many str8 women have endeared themselves to me. Most of my friends in fact are straight, the majority have families. I get along with the husbands who otherwise have only straight male friends. They don't agree with the whole gay thing, but neither do they agree with the all of the stereotyping that goes on. I bring something to my friendships, something of substance. When they need a friendly ear they get the best advice I have to offer, that has nothing to do with sexual preference and everything to do with basic human need.

I have worked for confident women, successful ones at that. I was never intimidated nor did I feel emasculated by them. I grew up with an older sister who for all intent purposes was the first Alexis Carrington I ever met. I am only impressed when I see compassion and a psychological balance at work in their lives. (in other words, when they have their collective shit together.)

Balance being subject to the individual's state of mind.

One employer of mine was intelligent but goofy as hell. The man she was engaged to was not a challenge, and not a man who took the bull by the horns so to speak. He had his own success, he was his own man but in the end she knew well enough to leave his balls alone. (This is often the primary target for these kinds of women, ball busters.) I didn't see the happiness in her when she spoke of him, in fact I felt she settled. She made several attempts to bully me and used language to bait me that never met with any success. This made her angry, sometimes a gay bitch does the trick. lol

Another woman I know is very successful, she has her own business as does her husband. The kids are both attending ivy league schools. She told me they have seen a marriage counselor for the better part of three years. Her hubby is frustrated with the lack of attention he receives. She is driven but she is also very successful. How did she wind up with him? How did he wind up with her? What made that relationship work long enough to build a life together? What attracted them to each other?

Perhaps they are mirror images of themselves. Who knows.

I guess I am trying to say there is more to any of this than meets the eye.
I think the whole thing is based in a need for that connection with someone of the opposite sex, gay men tend to be a happy surrogate, a fail safe just in case a relationship with a straight man isn't successful. Nothing wrong with any of that.

I see personal baggage all over some of the statements made as to why women need men. If the person posing the question was honest with himself, I suppose he would find the same is true about what he is seeking in women.
In my experience I have come to understand what we resist most in others, is what we wind up resenting in ourselves.
 
ROTFLMAO! Silly me, here I have been wasting my prayers on things like good health for my family, friends, and me. :tongue:
 

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