FARMER JOKES
Jokes, Courtesy of the Maxim Mobile Website. *Hope you get a good laugh or two from these funny jokes. *Write to me and tell me which one is your favorite! **
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A farmer got pulled over by state trooper Jon for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, trooper Jon got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya”
Trooper Jon stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they are—I never heard of circle flies.”
So the farmer said, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found, circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper said, “Oh,” and went back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute, are you comparing me to the rear end of a horse?”
“Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.”
Trooper Jon said, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer said, “Hard to fool them flies though.”
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A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What’s country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn."
The farmer grins. "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."
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Farmer Joe is suing a trucking company over injuries he suffered in an auto accident. The company’s lawyer begins to cross-examine the plaintiff.
“Isn’t it true that you said, and I quote, ‘I’m fine,’ at the scene of the accident?” asks the lawyer.
“Well, I’ll tell you what happened,” Farmer Joe starts.
“Did you or did you not say, ‘I’m fine!’” thunders the lawyer.
“Let me explain,” pleads the farmer. “I had just loaded my mule Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this semi-truck crashed into us. I was hurt real bad. When the highway patrolman came on the scene, he heard Bessie moaning and groaning. He took one look at her, pulled out his gun, and shot her between the eyes.
Then he came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked at me, and said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you?”:smile:
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Laughter really is the best medine! *Have a funny "Farmer" joke you'd like to share here on my blog? *Please add by commenting below, and have a funny day! *
See more fun jokes, provocative thoughts, comments and questions, plus scintillating tidbits in my LPSG blog here: *
http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/flowerchick/
Jokes, Courtesy of the Maxim Mobile Website. *Hope you get a good laugh or two from these funny jokes. *Write to me and tell me which one is your favorite! **
******
A farmer got pulled over by state trooper Jon for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, trooper Jon got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya”
Trooper Jon stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they are—I never heard of circle flies.”
So the farmer said, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found, circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper said, “Oh,” and went back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute, are you comparing me to the rear end of a horse?”
“Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.”
Trooper Jon said, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer said, “Hard to fool them flies though.”
------
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What’s country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn."
The farmer grins. "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."
-----
Farmer Joe is suing a trucking company over injuries he suffered in an auto accident. The company’s lawyer begins to cross-examine the plaintiff.
“Isn’t it true that you said, and I quote, ‘I’m fine,’ at the scene of the accident?” asks the lawyer.
“Well, I’ll tell you what happened,” Farmer Joe starts.
“Did you or did you not say, ‘I’m fine!’” thunders the lawyer.
“Let me explain,” pleads the farmer. “I had just loaded my mule Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this semi-truck crashed into us. I was hurt real bad. When the highway patrolman came on the scene, he heard Bessie moaning and groaning. He took one look at her, pulled out his gun, and shot her between the eyes.
Then he came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked at me, and said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you?”:smile:
******
Laughter really is the best medine! *Have a funny "Farmer" joke you'd like to share here on my blog? *Please add by commenting below, and have a funny day! *
See more fun jokes, provocative thoughts, comments and questions, plus scintillating tidbits in my LPSG blog here: *
http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/flowerchick/