GOLF JOKES
Jokes, Courtesy of the Maxim Mobile Website. *Hope you get a good laugh or two from these funny jokes. *Write to me and tell me which one is your favorite! **
*****
A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, “Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows, it’ll cost us a fortune to repair.”
Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, “I warned you to watch out! Now we’ll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us.”
They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?”
“Uh…yeah, we’re very sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem,” said the genie, “You’ve got it. I have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It’s the least I can do.”
“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.
“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.
“Consider it done. The deeds are now in your name,” the genie said.
“And now,” the couple both asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?”
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn’t mind.”
The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”
“Why, we’re both thirty-five,” she responded breathlessly.
“Wow, seriously? Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?”
-----*
One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $500 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I am, to even it a bit you have to spot me two ‘gotchas’.” The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $500. “What happened?”asked one of the members.
“Well,” said the pro, “I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed my crotch while yelling ‘Gotcha!’ Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second ‘gotcha’?”
-----
A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, “Sir, is that your wife?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hit her with that golf club?”
“Yes. Yes, I did,” the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
“How many times did you hit her?”
“I don’t know. Four…five…six…put me down for a four.”
------
*
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.*
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."*
"And?" asked the doctor.*
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey—this one here looks like yours!'"
--------
An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it with her all night. She kept screaming, "Fujifoo! Fugifoo!" The American thought she was screaming in pleasure.*
The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he shouted "Fujifoo!" One of the Japanese men looked at him with a very confused look on his face and said, "No, you got the right hole.":smile:
******
Laughter really is the best medine! *Have a funny "Golf" joke you'd like to share here on my blog? *Please add by commenting below, and have a funny day! *
See more fun jokes, provocative thoughts, comments and questions, plus scintillating tidbits in my LPSG blog here: *
http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/flowerchick/
***
Jokes, Courtesy of the Maxim Mobile Website. *Hope you get a good laugh or two from these funny jokes. *Write to me and tell me which one is your favorite! **
*****
A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, “Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows, it’ll cost us a fortune to repair.”
Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, “I warned you to watch out! Now we’ll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us.”
They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?”
“Uh…yeah, we’re very sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem,” said the genie, “You’ve got it. I have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It’s the least I can do.”
“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.
“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.
“Consider it done. The deeds are now in your name,” the genie said.
“And now,” the couple both asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?”
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn’t mind.”
The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”
“Why, we’re both thirty-five,” she responded breathlessly.
“Wow, seriously? Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?”
-----*
One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $500 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I am, to even it a bit you have to spot me two ‘gotchas’.” The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $500. “What happened?”asked one of the members.
“Well,” said the pro, “I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed my crotch while yelling ‘Gotcha!’ Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second ‘gotcha’?”
-----
A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, “Sir, is that your wife?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hit her with that golf club?”
“Yes. Yes, I did,” the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
“How many times did you hit her?”
“I don’t know. Four…five…six…put me down for a four.”
------
*
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.*
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."*
"And?" asked the doctor.*
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey—this one here looks like yours!'"
--------
An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it with her all night. She kept screaming, "Fujifoo! Fugifoo!" The American thought she was screaming in pleasure.*
The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he shouted "Fujifoo!" One of the Japanese men looked at him with a very confused look on his face and said, "No, you got the right hole.":smile:
******
Laughter really is the best medine! *Have a funny "Golf" joke you'd like to share here on my blog? *Please add by commenting below, and have a funny day! *
See more fun jokes, provocative thoughts, comments and questions, plus scintillating tidbits in my LPSG blog here: *
http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/flowerchick/
***
