Funny

I'm so used to having negative emotions when things like this come up, I find myself feeling anxious. No arguments have ensued. The bf....how much longer will he be that? Anyway, he's not had a whole lot to say to me. He told me this morning before he left for work that he really did love me and stuff. And ya know...I believe that. That wasn't the problem.

Lord knows when I was younger, if I could get a guy into bed, I did it. I never did it in a relationship. Kinda disrespectful.

I hate the "so, what now?" stage of things like this. To date, all of my relationships that have ended have been because I decided that I'd had enough. Am I ever going to find a guy to be with? I must've really done something horrible in my last life.

He hasn't said anything about me leaving other than he doesn't want me to. No pleading or anything like that. Just a straight forward sentence. "I don't want you to go."

A guy told me about an alternative. An open relationship. I sat and listened as he explained to me the dynamics. Interesting concept, but I think so much has gone on that there isn't a whole lot of saving that can be done. Even if there were, would I really want to?

The last two breakups were easy. I hated both of those guys. This time though? Not the same situation. I've never been here before. I've never addressed a situation the way I am before. I've not had these feelings before. This is totally new territory. I still sneer with disdain when I see him on that site, but he's never going to stop. I don't like ultimatums, so I didn't deliver one...it's that site or me.

My therapist is going to keep fairly close tabs on me the coming week. He's not sure what to make of me still. Noone around me does. Part of this is my fault. I've perpetuated some really negative stuff about myself. So, the bf is sitting there waiting on me to do something. Apparently, so it everyone else. I really need to stop lying to people about who I am. But, I never really cared for anyone to know me either.

Oh yeah, the video for Britney Spears' song, "Break The Ice", is totally awesome.

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Kimahri
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