General Findings

As mentioned before my wife and I are swingers. Now to begin with we have found that there are within the swing community, several subsets if you will. You have the party people, the polygamist, the casual swingers, the hard core swingers and the soft swingers. You have straight , bi and gay swingers. And just like any other gorup of people you have elitist swingers..

My wife and I would be a combination of the soft and the casual crowd. We consider ourselves soft swap, meaning we usually don't participate in full intercourse with the other couple..usually.

The party swingers are folks who only swing while at parties and they tend to swing with the same set of folks at every party. This boggles my mind, I mean they are only going to the party to see these same people, why not invite them over for dinner and save the fees and cover charges usually associated with these parties?

Polygamist are people who I guess belong in the swinging community because there is spouse swapping, but generally it the same 2 or 3 couples over a really long period of time. almost like extended families. I can see the attraction to this lifestyle, I mean how awesome is it that your BFF also puts out?

Next group, the casual swingers, this is your most common group. These are folks that enjoy happy, healthy marriages but don't have sexual hang ups and jealousy issues. They go with other couples for the dinner, the dancing and the good conversation....and if things go really well, sex is not out of the question.

Elitist swingers....maybe I am biased, not having the perfect 10 body and not able to claim the wife has either. It could be just a hang up I have based on my own personal issues...But the elitist swingers are those swingers that seem to have model type bodies, go on all the cruises, and when they attend parties talk to everyone around them like your 2nd grade teacher used to to talk to you, sort of a condescending tone of tolerance.

The other 2 groups of swingers I spoke of consist of hard vs soft swingers. Thse 2 groups can be in any of the catagories above but have different rules when it comes to engaging the other couple. Hard is anything goes, full on, bar the doors, no one gets out alive, no holds barred, get your freaky on. The soft swingers generally have rules based on whatever criteria they decided to use. For some it is no kissing, others it is no full intercourse, and some do no oral.

But back to findings, or observations if you will. We have found that most swingers have an agenda...sometimes that agenda is to bed notch, sometimes that agenda is to make themselves feel superior by using favorable comparison or "lookie what I got crowd" as my wife calls them. Some swingers are just looking for more folks to draw into the drama club. Some are really there just for fun.

I have met a few who are just plain unhappy with each other and think that swinging is a fix.

My favorite type of swinger is the closet freaks. These are classy people who carry themselves with dignity and confidence. They understand the difference between dressing sexy and dressing trashy because it shows skin. These folks can carry on a conversation, talk intelligently on almost any subject and not have to resort to crude verbage while in a public setting. BUT when the lights go down and the door is shut....hang on to your nikes because they are going to blow your socks off and show you why Tarzan really yelled.

I personally prefer aggressive women and my wife prefers the laid back, relaxed guy who doesn't feel the need to try impress you with his social status or number of toys.

But between us we usally have an awesome time regardless of whether anything clicks with the other couple because we enjoy each other immensley.

I guess the number 1 rule to swinging would be to mind your own business, stay out of other folks relationships, do not even offer advice. if they feel the need to confide in you, just listen patiently and act as venting tool, do not agree or disagree and do not counsel. Most folks know the answer, they are just looking for confirmation of the opinion they have already formed, if you offer any advice or opinion, and it runs counter to what they have already decided, then you are the bad guy.

Comments

I guess the number 1 rule to LIFE would be to mind your own business, stay out of other folks relationships, do not even offer advice. if they feel the need to confide in you, just listen patiently and act as venting tool, do not agree or disagree and do not counsel.

This might as well be a post in itself! I struggle with this approach constantly - people often get upset if I don't offer advice, reasoning, or support for their argument.

I don't believe most people are really searching for advice; they simply want affirmation of whatever decision they've already made.
 

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