~ EAT! EAT! EAT! ~
I’m not a foodie.
Never had been. I grew up on smiley potato faces and beans (explains why I’m only 5’7” thanks mum). When I was a student, I survived on Pot Noodles and it wasn’t until I got myself a posh girlfriend that I realised dinner shouldn’t consist of pouring water to a “max” line. I just think of food as fuel which is why I couldn’t care less eating the same thing day-in day-out so long as it’s providing me with the fuel I need to reach my goal.
Except oats… because fuck oats.
Hold onto your geek glasses and inhalers boys, we’re gonna get nerdy
So if you’re serious about either losing weight or gaining muscle, it’s a good idea to stop beating your meat or flap slapping for two seconds and work out your BMR. BMR stands for Bugger Me Raw… no… sorry… it stands for Basal Metabolic Rate which basically tells you how many calories your body burns at rest.
Long, boring story later; you take that figure and multiply it by how active you are (or in my case will be) and there’s your magic calorie figure which you should aim for. Plus or minus 500 calories depending on your goal.
This is my BMR:
So in my case if I times my BMR of 1,455.83 by 1.725 that gives me a starting calorie goal of around 2,511
Just tell us what you’re eating ffs.
Okay, you asked for it. If any of you suffer from insomnia, then I present to you my nutrition spreadsheet. Guaranteed to knock you out for at least 8 hours. It’s just to give me a rough overview of what I’m eating. Using this, I can make any adjustments in the future.
You can see on it that I’m slightly over my 2,511 goal but I’m not going to fuck around being too pedantic about all this. I got it close which was my aim and that will do. I am really happy about my protein per lb. Supposedly I should be aiming for between 1 and 1.5 grams and it’s landed at 1.36.
Also (this was intentional) my general macros are pretty spot on for what I wanted, check it out below.
Anyway guys and gals. I didn’t want this to be a super boring blog post for you so I’ve made some videos of me making my foods. There is sound on them btw and only 60 seconds long each because imgur don’t allow longer than that??? But yeah, I had fun making these for you.
Shake (one in the morning and one in the evening)
Ingredients: -
• Mixed Nuts
• Frozen Berries
• Greek Yogurt
• Honey
• Protein Powder
• Milk
• (sometimes coffee in there too)
Breakfast (Omelette with sausage)
Ingredients: -
• 3-4 Eggs
• Paprika
• Przyprawa (like a sweet salty Polish vinegar)
• Two Veggie Sausages
RIP second egg. You are forever in our thoughtsDinner
Ingredients: -
• Seasoned Salmon
• Spiced Wholegrain Rice
• Sweet Chicken Breast
• New Potatoes
• Fromage Frias (soft cheese)
• Various herbs and spices added to rice
So, what now twat face?
Well, I guess I'll start thinking about my workout routine. I’ll be starting Monday (22/03/2021). I’m glad I gave myself some time between getting used to the food routine and fitting it in around work. My biggest struggle so far has been eating that much. Before this, I survived on maybe a couple of peanut butter sandwiches a day so my stomach has shrunk but it’s getting better.
Those shakes though… fuck me they’re delicious. I actually look forward to them. In the past I’ve made basic shakes that tasted like 8 month old cum and chemicals but these are awesome
I promise the salmon is a lot tastier than it looks lol