Going on disability....

So....did I tell everyone how unfit I am for work? Yes, I'm sure I've told everyone on this site in this short period of time how much my job stresses me out.

I need to talk with my professor today. She and another professor are looking for ways to help me in my situation. I think the best way to help me out would be to get on disability.

Does anyone here collect disability? How much money do you get per month? Is it a fraction of your income you were making before you were unable to work?

My doctor said there's a good chance I could be approved for disability with my 7 year history of being treated for anxiety, depression, and bipolar, and therapeutic records going back to the age of 8.

In other words, yes, I am damaged goods. Maybe my cock and brain are better than average (and in both regards, I'm content. I'm no Stephen Hawking or Ron Jeremy, but I'm content), but my constitution certainly isn't.

It's like my body is telling me: work is killing you. I was fine all day yesterday. I planned my lessons, I did my graduate coursework, etc. But my body self-sabotaged come 7:30. I was exhausted. Maybe it was my body's getting used to a vegan diet. For a vegetarian, I was extremely dairy dependent. But I don't think it was that, I think it was just my body knew that tomorrow was work, so let's shut down so that I fall asleep early and wake up early and not get enough sleep. If this happens enough, he'll be so fed up, he quits, and we win.

So, I fell asleep at around 8:15. I woke up at 1. I tried to fall back asleep and I probably got another hour or so from 2-3. Still, I am exhausted. I'm always tired when I wake up in the middle of the night no matter how much or little I sleep.

So, what am I going to do today? I can't call in sick for work because I have my graduate class today. I'm going to go right down to the Rite-Aid and pick up an 8 hour energy shot. Drink it as soon as I feel unable to function anymore (probably right before my first class) and get by on chemicals until it wears off right around the time my grad. class starts. Then, I'm going to buy a Sobe and drink that just to make it through my presentation.

This is not normal. People will probably say that I shouldn't take anything. Well, I've already called in sick 9 times in 3+ months on the job. 5 times in the last 2 weeks. If you call in sick for more than 10 times, they dock your pay. I don't want to be absent more than once in the last 7 days of school before break.

So, I guess, I'm just going to teach my classes today. Load up on the energy shot and just try to get by.

But it's not just the lack of sleep that gets to me....it's not.......it's the feeling of being completely overwhelmed.

I thought teaching would be easy. I figured, I'm a smart guy, and I can relate to the kids, so how hard could it be? I was a fool. This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in life. More difficult than acting, more difficult than canvassing, more difficult than finding money to stock up on cigarettes at all times in college.

I don't know what I'm going to do....I just hope something changes in my situation right quick. I can't wait two to six months for my cousin to find me a job with him. I feel like I'm cracking up.

Comments

I now collect disability or as the feds call it SSD. Now there is a few things I am going to say that will make seance. 1. GET A LAWYER that specializes in SSD or SSi. If you can do it before you file they will help you. 2. Be prepared for the wait. It took me exactly 2 years & 3 months. Its just a big waiting game. I broke my neck & I am also bi-polar with those 2 my drs all think SSD made a big mistake not approveing me at once. Good luck & have paitance it will be worth it in the long run.
 
I'm not answering your question, but...
Since the term is about to end, why not get some counseling and adjust your meds during the break and see if it helps?

I hope you have a good day at work! :hug:
 
My fed job has had me disabled, but it was to get some 45 days off and recover from a back injury. I drew straight pay.

I don't know what you would get if you applied for SS while attending school. You can ask around.
 
It is worth trying to get SSDI and/or SSI benefits. It will take a long time, and I'm guessing that you haven't worked a whole lot, so you would probably get mostly SSI (a welfare, rather than insurance, benefit). It probably will not be very much, and you can only get it if you really aren't working. Your long treatment record will help, as will the information that your employers and professors can provide. It is, both because of the actual rules and Social Security practice, very difficult for young people to get disability benefits. It sounds to me like you may not qualify. It may be that you cannot teach but would be capable of doing a variety of less skilled, less stressful jobs. You can only get benefits if you are truly incapable of performing substantial gainful activity. Without physical impairments, low intelligence, or substantial, prolonged "episodes of decompensation," like genuine and repeated suicide attempts, I do not think that you will get benefits. Both for purposes of strengthening your case and because they might actually be able to help you, you should seek help from your state's rehabilitation/ vocational training agency very soon.

Also, consult a disability lawyer, but do not sign a fee agreement until after you have applied for benefits and been denied. Your lawyer can build-up the record even after that has already happened. Find a lawyer who regularly appeals cases to the Appeals Council and even to the U.S. District Court, not necessarily one who has a large ad in the Yellow Pages (hint: do not go to Binder & Binder).

Good luck with your mental health and getting the help that you need.

Apply for SSDI and SSI at you local Social Security office as soon as possible and allege disability as of whenever you became unable to work full-time or nearly full-time. What back benefits you can get, which, among other things, will determine how interested a lawyer will be in your case because of the standard contingency fee arrangement, will be determined by how soon you apply. BTW, I know what I'm talking about. (-:
 
If you have disability insurance through an employer take that first. I took it when my job was causing my T-cells to spiral downward dramatically a few years ago, but I used my long term disability insurance through my employer. I got 1/3 of my annual salary, on a monthly basis.
 
Hi, i'm new here and going through the website i found your post. Its very difficult for me to read about depression and mental illness. I went to see so many doctors because I didn't think i was depressed, I just felt something was wrong.
In the beginning, about a decade ago, I went to a vascular clinic because i had pains in my veins. They closed off the veins with a saline solution but on the sixth injection the doctor couldn't find the vein, it kept moving away from him. He kept stabbing me until he found it. I left with a small pain in my foot and thought it was normal. An hour later the pain increased 10 fold and by bedtime I couldn't stand to have the sheet touching my skin. I went to my family doctor who gave me Vicodin which helped but after the 2nd prescription he told me i had to go to a pain clinic where I was diagnosed with RSD. Sometimes the pain was so bad i would be crying the whole night. Anyway they made me go to a psychiatrist because i was a long time pain patient.
The shrink told me i had chronic depression and ADD.

To try to make this story short , two years ago I decided to kill myself. I had developed chronic lower back pain and was put on more meds. Thats 6 meds just from the pain doctor and of course 2 meds from the shrink.

I couldn't work and decided I would try to start an online business. I was doing Tours and Activities and a hotel in Waikiki and figured i could do it myself online. I got contracts from most of the tour companies on Oahu and had about 200 tours I could put on my site.

I spent two years and over $40,000 building the website and learned how to add and delete new tours , change prices , change fonts and colors.

But I couldn't think straight to write the tour descriptions so I hired two writers , who wrote shit but I had no choice. My brain was in such a fog I didn't even read what they wrote, i just put it up on the site. eventually i ran out of money and couldn't use them anymore and it was all up to me to write the tours up, get the photos , resize them, get the contracts for tour companies on other islands.
I even had a contract with expedia to offer flights hotels and vacation packages on my site.

But all i did is lay in bed and watch tv. at night i'd think tomorrow i'll work on the site. Tomorrow always came and i did nothing. My shrink said i was a procrastinator and no pill in the world will change that. But the adderall did help a bit, after all it is speed. But eventually my mind would wander and i would spend all day looking at porn.

The first three times i attempted suicide was ridiculous. The first time i took 45 dilaudid pills and laid down and woke up 4 hours later thinking i had a really good nap.

the second time I took 90 dilaudid pills ( they are very small by the way ) and my boyfriend came home and woke me up and kept me awake all night. I had vomited a little on my shirt and that had scared him into waking me.

The third time i added 3 Fentanyl ( comes in a patch you wear for three days ) I cut it open and took out the medicine and added the 90 dilaudids.

My boyfriend came home and found me on the floor in a muslim praying position with my head touching my knees . He said he couldn't wake me and put me to bed and every hour he would punch me to wake me up.

He never asked me what i was trying to do and i never told him.

The fourth time I took 14 fentanyl patches plus 90 dilaudids and said if there really is a god and i wake up from this i will give up trying to kill myself.

Well the boyfriend came home,found me blue in the face and lips and called 911. I never told them what i took. i said a handful of dilaudid and nyquil.

I was in ICU for 4 days, my shrink constantly came to see me and asked me what i took. i told him the same story. He asked me how i was doing , i told him i was fine. I didn't want to play into there game and get sent to a psychiatric hospital. i stuck to my story about dilaudid and nyquil. He asked me why i tried to kill myself. I told him I failed in life. I was 50 years old. I used all my savings on the website and closed it down because i couldn't finish it. I said I thought my boyfriend would be better off getting the insurance money and finding a new boyfriend ( we were together 21 years at that time )
He told me I should apply for SSDI and he would support my claim.

I applied for it and I got a lawyer right from the very beginning. I new I couldn't think straight to read those forms and fill in the correct answers. The lawyer told me I didn't need a lawyer until they denied me the original claim. I told him i would rather start with a lawyer and hopefully not get denied.
I got the disability insurance my first try based on the physical disabilities from the feet, leg, and back pain and the psychiatric disabilities based on ADD and depression. Even their own doctor agreed that i should get it which i understand its very rare. i was told their doctors pretty much rubber stamp denied across the application.

Anyway the point i'm making is get a lawyer from the beginning. Sure they get 25% off your back pay but that still leaves you with 75% which is better than 0%
 
Wow! i'm sorry i didn't look at the dates of the posts and ended up writing my life story 4 yrs too late. No wonder I'm out on Disability.
davtej
 

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