I wish I'd never had any success in picking guys up in "straight" bars. Maybe if I'd gotten my ass kicked or something I wouldn't keep flirting with these guys that I think are straight. I'm not trying to sleep with them. I just flirt very heavily with them. I guess I got somewhere with these guys because I'm not that much different from them. I was a Lacrosse player, I'm in a fraternity, I'm masculine, I love to drink, I love to horse around and other stuff. I'm not what they expect a gay guy to be like. They feel safer around me. I guess I never got my ass kicked because I'm a pretty big guy. I don't know.
I think I had something to prove. The "hot" gay guys seldom wanted anything to do with me. So to show them, I started picking up straight guys. Kind of like a fuck you to the community. With the exception of Tim, all my other bfs have been a bit concerned when I leave the house. Being able to pick up a guy pretty much anywhere makes my options for cheating greater. I've got no interest in cheating. I think I do it to see if I can.
Maybe I've just picked the wrong gay guys to get with. The last three bfs have been bitchy and limp wristed. Not the types of guys I would go for at all. But, they showed interest. That was the problem. For all my skill at picking up straight boys, I was terrified of trying to pick up gay boys. I mean, there was Chris Jordan. I tried so hard to pick him up that night. I finally gave up and started to leave but he grabbed my arm and told me I quit too soon. So, we sorta had a relationship for a bit there. But I couldn't keep myself out of the pit I was in.
I fell into the gay community pretty deeply. I don't even know how many guys I've slept with. I know I was averaging 3-4 guys a week between the ages of 24 and 34. There'd been several guys that had shown interest in me, but I was too busy going from bed to bed to settle down. I regret that now.
My current bf is wrong for me. I can deal with him being an ass. I mean, since I've put my foot down about things around the house, stuff's been better. I've never been anyone's bitch and I don't know why I let it go on for so long. Oh yeah I do. I have an aversion to conflict. I know after a point, I'll get tired of the argument and punch the other guy. That's gotten me into trouble already, so I do my best to avoid it. In doing that, the bf had control over me. I decided to end that in 2008. He can go back to talking to those guys online if he wants. He signed the Xterra over to me. I don't need to get him to sign anything if I want to get rid of it.
But, do I have a lot of room to talk? I'm certainly not the greatest of bfs. I have no interest in sitting around the house watching TV on the couch with my bf. I don't care about interior decorating. I don't want to go to the bfs family for the holidays. I'd rather be out drinking with my friends and playing video games. Maybe if I found a guy that was into that too, I'd be better off. But the only guys I've met that are like that have been straight boys. And I'm back to the fact I used to pick them up.
I'm 36. I should be ready to calm down and have a quiet life. But I pace around like a caged animal. I'm not a fratjock anymore. Haven't been for sometime now. Yet somewhere in my mind, I'm still living my glory days. That's why I can't settle down. I don't think I'll ever shake it. I've known guys that have gone through relationships like shit through a tin horn. Because they never really grew up and matured. I've been maturing lately. Apparently not enough though.
I think I had something to prove. The "hot" gay guys seldom wanted anything to do with me. So to show them, I started picking up straight guys. Kind of like a fuck you to the community. With the exception of Tim, all my other bfs have been a bit concerned when I leave the house. Being able to pick up a guy pretty much anywhere makes my options for cheating greater. I've got no interest in cheating. I think I do it to see if I can.
Maybe I've just picked the wrong gay guys to get with. The last three bfs have been bitchy and limp wristed. Not the types of guys I would go for at all. But, they showed interest. That was the problem. For all my skill at picking up straight boys, I was terrified of trying to pick up gay boys. I mean, there was Chris Jordan. I tried so hard to pick him up that night. I finally gave up and started to leave but he grabbed my arm and told me I quit too soon. So, we sorta had a relationship for a bit there. But I couldn't keep myself out of the pit I was in.
I fell into the gay community pretty deeply. I don't even know how many guys I've slept with. I know I was averaging 3-4 guys a week between the ages of 24 and 34. There'd been several guys that had shown interest in me, but I was too busy going from bed to bed to settle down. I regret that now.
My current bf is wrong for me. I can deal with him being an ass. I mean, since I've put my foot down about things around the house, stuff's been better. I've never been anyone's bitch and I don't know why I let it go on for so long. Oh yeah I do. I have an aversion to conflict. I know after a point, I'll get tired of the argument and punch the other guy. That's gotten me into trouble already, so I do my best to avoid it. In doing that, the bf had control over me. I decided to end that in 2008. He can go back to talking to those guys online if he wants. He signed the Xterra over to me. I don't need to get him to sign anything if I want to get rid of it.
But, do I have a lot of room to talk? I'm certainly not the greatest of bfs. I have no interest in sitting around the house watching TV on the couch with my bf. I don't care about interior decorating. I don't want to go to the bfs family for the holidays. I'd rather be out drinking with my friends and playing video games. Maybe if I found a guy that was into that too, I'd be better off. But the only guys I've met that are like that have been straight boys. And I'm back to the fact I used to pick them up.
I'm 36. I should be ready to calm down and have a quiet life. But I pace around like a caged animal. I'm not a fratjock anymore. Haven't been for sometime now. Yet somewhere in my mind, I'm still living my glory days. That's why I can't settle down. I don't think I'll ever shake it. I've known guys that have gone through relationships like shit through a tin horn. Because they never really grew up and matured. I've been maturing lately. Apparently not enough though.