I haven't done this in a while...

But I need some advice. And I don't really want to ask my RL friends. I don't even know where to begin.

Erm... My whole life, I've been abandoned by guys. Fathers, friends, relatives, whatever. When I grew up and started developing intimate relationships, I'd start out being this great, wonderful, patient, understanding girlfriend. Until things got serious. Then I'd sabotage it. The thing tho, is that I never realized what I was doing until it was over. I'd just turn into a mega bitch. Little things started making me mad. Things that wouldn't have upset me if it had happened with a friend or whatever. I don't know why this is. I'm one of those people that can usually look back and figure out what happened, why, and what I can do to make it better. This is one of those things I can't figure out. I think it has something to do with defending myself. I push them away and hurt them before they can hurt me.

I don't realize this happening though. When I get angry about something, I feel justified in my anger. I can't sit back and go, "Ya know, this isn't really that big of a deal, let it go." I just get upset! And I'm pissed, and I let him know I'm pissed. It's just that every little thing pisses me off at that stage of a relationship (when I get comfortable). So without realizing that it's happening until it's too late, how do I stop it? It's kinda hard to explain, I hope I did a good job. lol.

There's a guy that I care deeply about. His name is John. We were together for about 4 months or so, when I did my typical crap and started picking fights about nothing, etcetera. I broke up with him. But I still care about him, and he still cares about me. I've tried to be as open as possible with him about this apparent problem I have, and he wants to try to work through it. The thing, tho, is that I've already hurt him once and he's hesitent about getting involved again, understandably so. But if we DO decide to try again, I don't want to jump back in unarmed and uninformed. I at least want to try to figure out what's causing this and what I can do to fix it.

Therapy isn't really an option. No insurance, no way to pay for it. This has to be something I can do on my own. I feel confident I can do anything, I just need some guidance on what it is I need to do. :wink: Thanks in advance for any insight you can provide.

Comments

It sounds like you know what you need to do. You're a smart woman. The real question seems to be whether you want this bad enough to short circuit years of a learned safe response to go with a new risky response that may get you where you want to be. You may find you will end up with more by giving up what you fear.

He sounds like a good man, Meg. Let him take the lead this time.

I wish you both happiness.
 
www.itherapy.com www.counsellingresourse.com www.therapy247.com

face to face time with a doctor might not be an option, but dealing with your problem on your own just won't happen. expecting your man to have the resourses or ability to deal with something you can't control is unfair.

seek the help you can get, keep things on the casual but don't get anyone's expectations up. a life time of hurt and abandoment won't go away overnight.

i wish you and ya boyo the best in all things.

*i'm not trying to judgemental asshole, i'm talking as a self admitted crazy bitch*
 
mama...telling your story here may be a geat start for some therapy, even self help is better than keeping these issues bottled up...use a friend here to sound out these problems, i find it useful nearly everyday....wishing u better mental health...calambo
 
It's a step. Begin the journey. Tell him what's inside you, what happens, try to understand the line where the nonsense arguments begin.

Don't argue. Discuss. No shouting, no anger and no one upmanship. No one wins if you lose a heart.
 
Patience is the best option.. Note this rule: If ure angry and feel like fighting dont say anything in impulse.. dont say a word for 5 mins , lock ureself up for 5 minutes ..u will cool down in few mins then start the conversation with fresh start
 
Meg I hate to say this, but I have the exact same problem and no answer. :( Wish I could help ya cos I know it sucks! Good luck anyhow. And HEY -- if you figure it out LET ME KMOW!
 

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