But I need some advice. And I don't really want to ask my RL friends. I don't even know where to begin.
Erm... My whole life, I've been abandoned by guys. Fathers, friends, relatives, whatever. When I grew up and started developing intimate relationships, I'd start out being this great, wonderful, patient, understanding girlfriend. Until things got serious. Then I'd sabotage it. The thing tho, is that I never realized what I was doing until it was over. I'd just turn into a mega bitch. Little things started making me mad. Things that wouldn't have upset me if it had happened with a friend or whatever. I don't know why this is. I'm one of those people that can usually look back and figure out what happened, why, and what I can do to make it better. This is one of those things I can't figure out. I think it has something to do with defending myself. I push them away and hurt them before they can hurt me.
I don't realize this happening though. When I get angry about something, I feel justified in my anger. I can't sit back and go, "Ya know, this isn't really that big of a deal, let it go." I just get upset! And I'm pissed, and I let him know I'm pissed. It's just that every little thing pisses me off at that stage of a relationship (when I get comfortable). So without realizing that it's happening until it's too late, how do I stop it? It's kinda hard to explain, I hope I did a good job. lol.
There's a guy that I care deeply about. His name is John. We were together for about 4 months or so, when I did my typical crap and started picking fights about nothing, etcetera. I broke up with him. But I still care about him, and he still cares about me. I've tried to be as open as possible with him about this apparent problem I have, and he wants to try to work through it. The thing, tho, is that I've already hurt him once and he's hesitent about getting involved again, understandably so. But if we DO decide to try again, I don't want to jump back in unarmed and uninformed. I at least want to try to figure out what's causing this and what I can do to fix it.
Therapy isn't really an option. No insurance, no way to pay for it. This has to be something I can do on my own. I feel confident I can do anything, I just need some guidance on what it is I need to do. :wink: Thanks in advance for any insight you can provide.
Erm... My whole life, I've been abandoned by guys. Fathers, friends, relatives, whatever. When I grew up and started developing intimate relationships, I'd start out being this great, wonderful, patient, understanding girlfriend. Until things got serious. Then I'd sabotage it. The thing tho, is that I never realized what I was doing until it was over. I'd just turn into a mega bitch. Little things started making me mad. Things that wouldn't have upset me if it had happened with a friend or whatever. I don't know why this is. I'm one of those people that can usually look back and figure out what happened, why, and what I can do to make it better. This is one of those things I can't figure out. I think it has something to do with defending myself. I push them away and hurt them before they can hurt me.
I don't realize this happening though. When I get angry about something, I feel justified in my anger. I can't sit back and go, "Ya know, this isn't really that big of a deal, let it go." I just get upset! And I'm pissed, and I let him know I'm pissed. It's just that every little thing pisses me off at that stage of a relationship (when I get comfortable). So without realizing that it's happening until it's too late, how do I stop it? It's kinda hard to explain, I hope I did a good job. lol.
There's a guy that I care deeply about. His name is John. We were together for about 4 months or so, when I did my typical crap and started picking fights about nothing, etcetera. I broke up with him. But I still care about him, and he still cares about me. I've tried to be as open as possible with him about this apparent problem I have, and he wants to try to work through it. The thing, tho, is that I've already hurt him once and he's hesitent about getting involved again, understandably so. But if we DO decide to try again, I don't want to jump back in unarmed and uninformed. I at least want to try to figure out what's causing this and what I can do to fix it.
Therapy isn't really an option. No insurance, no way to pay for it. This has to be something I can do on my own. I feel confident I can do anything, I just need some guidance on what it is I need to do. :wink: Thanks in advance for any insight you can provide.