I just want to be married

I feel so impatient, and it's bothering me how imatient I'm getting. I just want to propose, I want to be married to my boyfriend, I want to live with him, I want to be next to him each day when I wake up and go to sleep. I long for him all the time, and I want to be with him, but as I said, rather vaugely now that I look back on it, I don't want to propose until he is out to his family.

I love him so much, and I respect his family, and I want them to at least be in the loop. I'm sure they already know, he just hasn't said anything.

The thing I'm most impatient about is just that it's on him at this point. We've talked about it, and he knows I want to propose soon, he knows that he wants it to happen too, and he can't wait for it, but he's afraid to talk to his parents.

He never rushed me, and I certainly have never rushed him on coming out. It's a personal process that each person experiences differently. I don't bug him about this, nor do I bring it up to him, because I don't want to rush him or make him feel like he needs to come out so that we can be at the very least engaged soon.

That would be rude and disrespectful, and a disservice to our relationship.

I think I just needed to vent out my thoughts, and to let them out, because I keep getting so caught up in when he's going to do it so that I can do my thing, which sounds totally selfish saying it out loud, I just get caught up and can't think straight. It's weird.

I don't know how to describe it, but I'm willing to wait, I just don't like having to wait when I'm so ready to start a life together with him.

Comments

Patience, dear James.
As the happy and optimistic people say: "good things come to those who wait"... -I know, easier said than done.

Although, no-one can predict the reaction of his parents when they do eventually find out, it's best not to hammer on the issue.
He clearly places huge value on the impression his parents have of him and the "credibility" he's built in their eyes, not to mention the fact that dropping the bombshell of his sexuality, AND the fact that he's coupled could tarnish this.

Although optimistic people also say: "there will never be a right time to drop this on them, so rather just get it over with", he obviously wants to respect his parents and show respect for your relationship, which is admirable.

So give him some time to handle this on his own... not too much time though ;)
 
you have a life with him...so don't feel that you have to start one. I know how it is. My partner and I have been together for over 14 yrs. I'd get married in a heart beat, but he's weary of all the drama of the no on 8 debate will be. *I hope someday we'll be able to get married without worry or drama.* As for the parents...well they will have to adjust. Parents have a way of knowing already. Just be patient and enjoy the life you both share now. Things will change...don't rush or push the issue if he's not ready. No need for any fighting in an already stressful situation. You've already got him...just have patience. :) **fyi...since the gay marriage initiative in Cali is still up in the air. We went and had a living will drawn up to protect us and our wishes, barring any unforseen circumstances.** You should really look into that as well.
 
I would ask why the "marriage" thing is so important to you? It seems to me that marriage is more about how society views you than how you and your partner view your own relationship. I never did understand why gay people want to emulate what heterosexual people want to do. As person who believes that marriage is passe and archaic, I was rather hoping that the advancement of lesbian and gay causes would lead them to create new institutions altogether rather than simply adopting and advocating for marriage.

That the state ever got entangled into what is a religious matter in the first place -- marriage -- is the problem.

Being an iconoclast, I advocate a more radical approach where new institutions are established. Let religious folk have marriage. 

Better yet, let's create entirely new ways of organizing society. That whole husband-wife-children thing just holds us to old, tired paradigms that maintain and affirm the status quo. Religiosity must give way to spirituality.

The next explosion in the collective unconscious will be the end of marriage and religion and the establishment of soul-based relationships that require neither. It seems to me that a soul-based relationship is what you have now.
 
I think everyone has the wrong idea about your blog...I got the feeling that you just wanted a safe place to vent your feelings and get a little support...Not really get advise from us. You seem to have a great relationship and you already realize just how hard it's going to be for your boyfriend to come out to his family even if they even if they may already suspect.

Hugs and letting it out in a safe place does help! I wish you all the best and I do hope that your dreams come true sooner rather than later!

Psg
 
You're in love~ :heart:
I've been following you, james, and it seems like just yesterday you were going on your first day with this guy (well, actually, it's been over 7 months, but time flies....)

Love is patient, though at times, WE are not~
Love is kind, but sometimes WE forget~
Love never fails....

No advice, just support. I know when you read and re-read your blog... and go back and read your others and make a story out of it... you and your guy will know what to do... and when to do it.

I'm happy you are in love :heart:
 

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jameshawket
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