I STILL hate Saturdays

This post if a follow-up to this old thread:
http://www.lpsg.org/92749-what-do-you-do-saturdays.html

I woke up this morning thinking about potatoes, eggs, and buttered toast. I kept going over in my head exactly how I was going to make it, and how I was going to time everything so that it all came out just right. Part of me didn't want to get up, but I kept thinking about breakfast, so I finally decided to get up and make it.

So I got up and followed the plan I had visualized. Everything was perfect. The potatoes were tender, golden brown, and seasoned just right. The egg wasn't too runny or too firm, the toast had just the right amount of butter, melted just so.

As I ate breakfast, I watched TV and planned my day. I have a houseplant that is losing a lot of leaves, so I planned to go to a garden store to get a bigger pot, some soil, and some fertilizer. I figured that while I was at it, I'd run any other errands that I needed to do. I also had a few things I wanted to do around the house, one of which in particular I had been putting off but finally felt like tackling.

But I was enjoying watching TV. By about 1:00 or so, I was ready to do something else, and I felt like checking in at lpsg, which I did. Then it was time for a shower, so that I'd be presentable for my trip into town. By the time I got out of the shower, it was nearly 4:00, the light was fading, and I had hardly started my day.

And for some reason I did what I often do on Saturday afternoons. I stalled. I found myself pacing around the house in my bathrobe, looking out the windows and just thinking about stuff, and putting off getting dressed.

4:00 turned to 5:00. 5:00 turned to 6:00. By then it was dark. I wasn't going out. If I leave the house in the daytime, I'm often out past dark, but if I'm home when it gets dark, I won't go out; I'll wait until another day.

Now I'm depressed and mad at myself. I should probably try to tackle those errands I skipped this morning, but I have no motivation to do so. I can't even bring myself to do the dishes or take out the trash. Nothing is on TV and I haven't been able to find an interesting book. I have a movie from Netflix, but its not one I'm in the mood for right now. It's too late to go to a movie, but there's nothing I want to see anyway. I have a huge pile of books that are unread, many of which I've started but none of which have grabbed my interest.

I have this nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something. I'll probably remember what it is tomorrow night when it's too late to do anything about it, and then I'll curse myself for having wasted the whole weekend.
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I've had days like that too. Don't beat yourself up about it too much. I think the key part of what you wrote is turning on the TV. Once you start watching something, bam! There goes half an hour minimum. Also LPSG is a HUGE time waster!

Maybe you should have your shower and get dressed before breakfast. Then as soon as you have eaten, you're good to go.

I think it just takes a bit of self discipline to push yourself out the door. Maybe make an appointment for something, or a rendezvous with a friend for breakfast or brunch. Then you have to move your ass.
 
You know, meniscus, sometimes the inability to find anything interesting is a sign of depression. I just mention that.
Apart from that, I agree with Vince. You can decide how your day is going to look and then make sure that's how it turns out.
You have to know you will face all the natterings of your mind about what you would rather do at any given time ... and know you will just march past those considerations and do what you already decided needs doing.
Do that with any consistency and it gets easy.
(In other words, do as I say, but not as I most often do. But I'm workin' on it.)
 
Thanks, guys. Today was a bit better. I went out for breakfast, then went to the store. I didn't have anything to do after that, so I was home by 12:30, but I could face the day at home better than if I had never left the house at all.

I rarely watch TV, but when I do I tend to surf channels long after the program I intended to watch has ended. LPSG is my primary way of wasting my free time.

Ah, depression. You know, I don't even know what that is anymore. What's the difference between being depressed and being unhappy? Or not even being unhappy but just having a lack of happiness? Am I unhappy because there is something wrong with me, my thoughts, my perceptions, my brain chemistry? Or am I unhappy because I'm overworked, underpaid, stressed out, and lonely? When is taking meds the right thing to do and when is it a false hope, an avoidance of the real issues, of the changes that need to be made, of the work that needs to be done?

Aren't you glad you brought this up, Rubi?

My "depression" began about 8 or 9 months after losng my libido, which was nearly 2 1/2 years ago. I finally saw an endocrinologist. Most of my test results were OK, but a couple were off. This could explain both my depression and my lack of libido. I had to have more tests to try to identify the source of the abnormality. I get the results on Wednesday. Then I may need still more tests to really hone in on the problem.

Whatever the results, I've decided that its time to try psychotherapy again. I found it mostly useless last time, but I find myself wanting to try again, anyway. (I wish I knew how to find good therapist.) For the past couple of weeks, mood has been worse than usual. Also, my new doctor just decided to quit medicine, so I now need to find another new doctor. Depending on what the endocrinologist tells me, I'll discuss with my physician trying anti-depressants (again). I'm not convinced that they are right for me, for reasons to complex to go into, but I also don't feel like I've ever been properly evaluated.

Thanks again, guys.
 

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Meniscus
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