I think I’m in love, and it’s not easy

So, 128 days ago, I was reading a few forums here (to be honest - I was probably really bored and looking for some wank fodder) and I stumble across this post from someone who claims to be 80 straight and 20 gay. Hands up, I was probably looking for a bit of a fight, so I messaged him here and simply but politely asked “what was his 20”. He was one of those profiles with no photos and not verified, I wasn’t actually expecting a reply.

To my surprise, his initial reply was very polite and seemed to be open as he explained a little about his interests in guys. I replied back with a few more questions, and he replied back with a little longer reply. Our initial exchange from that simple question from me lasted from 3 days and boy, did we share some anonymous secrets! Some stuff that not even my partner of 27 years knows :eek:

From there, we went to (his nervously) video calls on here - but the quality wasn’t good for us - so I suggested FaceTime. I can only imagine the fear that this guy had in sharing his cell. I reassure him that I’d never just call him without his permission as he might be with his wife or daughter.

So, very quickly we went from a DM exchange here to video calls, and now we see each other at least twice a day with tons of whatsapp messages in between! He was raised in a god fearing Christian house and had some issues when he was a young man.

We’re both physically attracted to each other and seem to fill the void that we each have in our relationships. Our intelligence matches, the humour is bang on and I have loved being along with him on his journey to be open and be more interested in man sex without labels.

If either of us have qualms about where this relationship is headed and felt that we should call it off, then it burns and hurts so deeply that we’ve actually cried real tears at the thought of not continuing to know each other.

Trouble is, he’s 4,000 miles away and our time zone is 6 hours different. I think (actually scratch that - I know) I’m head over heals in love with the guy and I’m longing for his embrace and passion fuelled curious and willing sex.

If you’re reading, Chris - thank you so much for 2021 so far. You have turned my world upside down in such a good way.

love ya, baby bear ♥️

Comments

Sometimes the beauty of a photograph or scene of a film is the framing as much as the image captured. I love the frame I get to see this through. Not my circus etc etc...as I am sure it is complicated or will be soon...but the raw beauty of the connection, and the resultant bond, is raw and obvious and potent.
 
miles and time zones don't help, sometimes what see see and what we think we know are not quite the same in reality so take care not to lose what you got.
Grass, green and wall come to mind
 
Oh my! What a whirlwind couple of weeks!

My beau has decided that there is no future for us. I know we’ve never even met in real life, but I surprised on how little numbness and hurt I’m feeling. Maybe it’s wisdom and experience, maybe it‘s self defence? Maybe I was overestimating my feelings for him. Who knows. I’ll be ok and tomorrow’s sun will rise and fall as it did today.

You were my shining light for nearly a year Chris, but I completely understand your position.

I hope you find your happiness.

All my heart to you, bear x
 
I forgot to update, sorry Internet!A little soul searching on both our parts has found that whatever our differences, our lives are better with each other in them than without! Our friendship grows stronger and I miss him when our schedules don’t line up for some time together.
 

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Wine0
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