I'm so angry.

It's 1:45 in the morning, and there's no one I can call. So I'm blogging. For the first couple days, I was sad. I missed him. Now I'm just flat out angry. I want to scream and cry and tell him how badly he's hurt me. I knew it wasn't going to work... I should've listened... I knew he was too young or not ready or something. I told him about my fear of commitment due to being left in the past by all my other boyfriends. I told him I was afraid he'd leave me. He promised he was different. He told me he'd prove it to me if I gave him a chance. He told me I was the only one for him. I mean fuck, he traveled all the way here and spent an entire month of his life in my world. And he enjoyed it. I just don't fucking understand why he had to break up with me. I knew he had problems to work on, we had discussed how things were going to be between us during that time. I told him I wanted to be there to help and support him. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. And then one day, just like that, poof... he's gone. He just up and decides to leave me. I reminded him of his promises, he just said, "I know, I'm a bad person, I'm so sorry."

Fuck you, Tobias. Fuck you for hurting me. Fuck you for breaking your promise. Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for promising my son things that he'll never get to experience now because you're never coming back here. Fuck you for trying so hard to break down my walls and then giving me every reason in the world for putting them back up again. Fuck you for making me vulnerable and then doing this to me.

I hope you feel like shit.

Comments

Fuck you, Tobias. Fuck you for hurting me. Fuck you for breaking your promise. Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for promising my son things that he'll never get to experience now because you're never coming back here. Fuck you for trying so hard to break down my walls and then giving me every reason in the world for putting them back up again. Fuck you for making me vulnerable and then doing this to me.

I hope you feel like shit
.
I have been where you are and it SUCKS! You will survive and thrive but that doesn't stop it from sucking right this second. I wish I could soothe your pain. I also wish I could kick Tobias in the balls for hurting you and your son.

How could he spend a month with you and then change his mind after he left? That makes no sense. :confused: It seems to me if he thought it wouldn't work he would have said something while he was here. You're smart I know you would have picked up on a change in his feelings for you. I don't get men. They are so weird.
 
YOU SHOULDN'T DWELL ON THIS YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THESE THOUGHTS BEHIND I KNOW HOW IT IS I SPENT 12 YEARS WITH MY X WIFE AND THEN ONE DAY SHE JUST SAID I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING MARRIED ANYMORE I COULD HAVE CRIED I WAS SO UPSET BUT WE ARE STILL FRIENDS BUT THERE IS A BURNING IN MY GUT NOT TO TRUST ANYONE IN A RELATONSHIP ANY MORE I WISH YOU THE BEST BUT U HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO GRIP YOURSELF FOR YOUR SONS SAKE
 
Meg,

It may be because he didnt want to disappoint you that he bailed early. I know that doesnt make sense to you but it is a classic commitment phobic behavior pattern. They are conflicted, They have a running dialog in their head telling them it will be ok this time all the while fighting the panic to run. They are often quite sorry they hurt you but the panic is so strong it is like an animal who will chew off its own leg to get out of what it perceives as a trap. Do not be surprised if he cycles back to you. I am sorry that you had to experience this yet again. I know we wish we all could look at people and see the warning sign hung around their neck "Tendency to run when cornered" , "Does not know how to share" , etc but we cant. Keep talking it out to us. We share your pain.
 
Heartbreaks are reactions to major disappointments. I think that you hoped that the guy would stay. And you didn't know any better. You never know with the people you meet who are the fighters and who are the flighters. People will leave when the relationship doesn't serve them.

You probably should consider that breach a blessing.



 
Meggie...

I sooooo sowwy! :kiss: I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. Been there, done that, know what it's like!

The one thing that I've learnt is that in the grand scheme of things, what's meant to be will be. Ultimately, his bailing out has spared you soooo much more heartache and pain than you would have encountered in the future...perhaps that's why he did what he did...on some level he realised that he stood to hurt you more if he stuck around.

There's nothing wrong with keeping walls up...when you meet the right person, he'll know the combination to the alarm system that you've installed and he'll find a way to enter your heart.

I love you huge time and I'm thinking of you...I'm here for you sweetcheeks!

MWAH!
 
I'm really sorry for what happened to you girl! When your heart gets broken, you sort of see the cracks in everything, and sometimes bad things just happen -- no reason, no purpose. They just occur and we're left to pick up the pieces the best we can. Try to deal with this the best you can and go on!
 
Let the rage ebb and flow. It's the natural course of things when you're hurt.

When the rage subsides you'll be exhausted. Trust me. Please know that he couldn't take anything away from you that you didn't freely give. That giving nature is what makes you such a wonderful woman.

Do what you must to survive this time. Know that you are loved.
 

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