Marjorie and I went to a couple very important meetings today at work.
She was questioning me about my preparations beforehand, and it was really stressing me out.
I'm not sure I "performed" as well as I should. Remember: I'm the boss. And I feel like I relied on her too much. She was definitely the one with the "go-get-'em" attitude today.
I feel like her approval of me as the leader is the most important part of my job. In a way, my desire to meet or exceed her expectations is what's motivating me. In a weird sense, I almost view her as a mentor, because she has a greater depth of experience in some aspects of our work.
My need to earn her approval might not be a bad thing, if I actually do rise above and take my skill set to the next level.
We haven't been connecting much on a personal level. Maybe it's because I pulled back, maybe it's because work has been at a higher stress level than normal for the past few weeks. But I sat beside her at a conference table today, and looked at her when she was on a roll, and thought, 'she is so friggin' beautiful right now.'
Then we got back to our office, I sensed just a fractional impatience from her because I wasn't "leading" enough, and we went our separate ways again.
She was questioning me about my preparations beforehand, and it was really stressing me out.
I'm not sure I "performed" as well as I should. Remember: I'm the boss. And I feel like I relied on her too much. She was definitely the one with the "go-get-'em" attitude today.
I feel like her approval of me as the leader is the most important part of my job. In a way, my desire to meet or exceed her expectations is what's motivating me. In a weird sense, I almost view her as a mentor, because she has a greater depth of experience in some aspects of our work.
My need to earn her approval might not be a bad thing, if I actually do rise above and take my skill set to the next level.
We haven't been connecting much on a personal level. Maybe it's because I pulled back, maybe it's because work has been at a higher stress level than normal for the past few weeks. But I sat beside her at a conference table today, and looked at her when she was on a roll, and thought, 'she is so friggin' beautiful right now.'
Then we got back to our office, I sensed just a fractional impatience from her because I wasn't "leading" enough, and we went our separate ways again.