I continuously have odd and weird thoughts. Not the usual "Where do all my pens go?" but some really out there ones, here were some:
I had some fruit snacks the other day, and they tasted how KY Jelly smells.
I've never had a food that tasted better than it smelled.
I wonder if anyone has read the TI-83 calculator manual.
Don't you hate it when you have a full bladder and morning wood? Not only do you have to wake up early, but you can't even take a piss.
Failure is when spell check says 'genius' is spelled wrong.
I'm glad those Nalgene bottles are killing people, I don't like to be criticized about my drinking container.
I find it funny that 99% of ads on facebook have to do with meeting the opposite sex.
A funeral is one last screw you to your loved ones. Ha, now you got to sit through 4 hours of ceremonies hearing how great I was.
If women ruled the world, would more things look like vaginas?
I hope, one day, I'll get to dance on someone's grave and mean it.
There really should be a word that separates drug rehab from 'I broke something' rehab. As it stands right now, can make for some really awkward moments.
Worst thing for a male teenager, have a female doctor
Second worst, hot sex ed teacher.
When you're a hobo, everywhere is your toilet.
I'm surprised, with our increasingly sedentary lifestyle, that someone hasn't created a chair that's a fridge, pantry, toilet, bed, and sex toy. Men all over would never stand again.
One nuclear weapon is the worst thing for a country to have, because after you launch it, you're fucked.
I wonder who the first person to masturbate in space was?
Walking into a health food store is like going into a Martian supermarket. Some stuff may look familiar, but you're going to spend hours picking stuff up going 'what the fuck is quinoa?'
Health food is popular because you never hear someone say, 'when you go to the store, pick up some sodium benzoate.'
I can't think of the last time I used a semi-colon.
La petite mort, a French euphemism for orgasm, means 'the little death' which just proves my point, the French are creepy.
I had some fruit snacks the other day, and they tasted how KY Jelly smells.
I've never had a food that tasted better than it smelled.
I wonder if anyone has read the TI-83 calculator manual.
Don't you hate it when you have a full bladder and morning wood? Not only do you have to wake up early, but you can't even take a piss.
Failure is when spell check says 'genius' is spelled wrong.
I'm glad those Nalgene bottles are killing people, I don't like to be criticized about my drinking container.
I find it funny that 99% of ads on facebook have to do with meeting the opposite sex.
A funeral is one last screw you to your loved ones. Ha, now you got to sit through 4 hours of ceremonies hearing how great I was.
If women ruled the world, would more things look like vaginas?
I hope, one day, I'll get to dance on someone's grave and mean it.
There really should be a word that separates drug rehab from 'I broke something' rehab. As it stands right now, can make for some really awkward moments.
Worst thing for a male teenager, have a female doctor
Second worst, hot sex ed teacher.
When you're a hobo, everywhere is your toilet.
I'm surprised, with our increasingly sedentary lifestyle, that someone hasn't created a chair that's a fridge, pantry, toilet, bed, and sex toy. Men all over would never stand again.
One nuclear weapon is the worst thing for a country to have, because after you launch it, you're fucked.
I wonder who the first person to masturbate in space was?
Walking into a health food store is like going into a Martian supermarket. Some stuff may look familiar, but you're going to spend hours picking stuff up going 'what the fuck is quinoa?'
Health food is popular because you never hear someone say, 'when you go to the store, pick up some sodium benzoate.'
I can't think of the last time I used a semi-colon.
La petite mort, a French euphemism for orgasm, means 'the little death' which just proves my point, the French are creepy.