Kevin

I'm feeling very emotional today. I was reading a few posts about missed opportunities and running into an ex. They made me think of a friend I used to have.

When I first came out (1989 or 1990), I was still living in my hometown where I grew up. There was no gay scene. The only option we had was the gay-friendly bar which wasn't really that gay friendly or the gay/lesbian support group which was only for emotional support but no outside social talk was allowed. So the best we could do was travel to the popular gay bar that was located an hour away. We often would carpool to the gay bar.

One night, I took a friend of mine to the gay bar. While we were there, he introduced me to another guy, Kevin, that was also from our same hometown. Kevin and I hit it off right away. We were the same age (only a few months difference in age), had lived in the same crappy apartment complex, and had both been studying for the same college degree and had both dropped out of school because of money. When we weren't working, Kevin and I were hanging around all the time, often over at his place. One night, when we had gone to the gay bar, on the ride home, he laid his head in my lap. I kept one hand on the steering wheel and rubbed his head and back with the other hand. I had never thought about Kevin sexually, but that night I spent the night at his place and we had sex 3 times. For the next 2 months, we were hanging around as friends during the day/evening and then having sex at night. We were also writing stupid funny notes to each other. One day, I arrived at my apartment to find a note from Kevin. Instead of his usual funny note, it was a note telling me that he had met a new guy and they were going to move in together. I was blindsided. I realized that I had serious feelings for Kevin and was really hurt.

Not wanting to lose my new best friend, I agreed to be social with him and his new boyfriend. When it came time to meet the new guy, Tony, I discovered that Tony was a really nice guy and easy to get along with. Tony and I became friends and often the 3 of us hung around together. When I moved into a new place for the summer, Kevin and Tony moved into their new apartment. When my new roommate was stealing my stuff, I moved all my stuff into the garage at Kevin and Tony's new place. That summer, Tony and I started working out together at the college gym playing raquetball together. Slowly Kevin wasn't around as much but Tony and I were spending a lot of time together. Needing to get away from my summer roommate, I found a new 1 bedroom apartment very close to my job and the school. The next time I talked to Kevin, I told him about my new place. He told me that is awesome because him and Tony had also got a new apartment in the same building. We helped each other move in we had dinner a few times together. But it was obvious something was wrong with Kevin. One day he was friendly but the next day he would be distant. So I would be polite when I saw them in the hallways, but I kept some distance from them (mainly Kevin). Eventually, Tony and I stopped going to the gym/racquetball court together. One day, Kevin asked me for a ride (he didn't have a car) to a doctor's appointment. The doctor's office was in a town about 10 minutes away and located in a strange building. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I waited in the waiting room while Kevin went into the exam room. He was only in there for a few minutes before he came into the waiting room and said he was ready to go home. On the trip home, he didn't say much. It was obvious he was upset. He did lay his head on my lap again. I just rubbed his back. When we got home, he went to his place and didn't say anything to me. A few days later, I saw Tony in the hallway. I asked how Kevin was doing. Tony told me that they were still living together but had broken up. A few weeks later, Tony let me know that Kevin had moved out and was living in Boston now. It really hurt me that Kevin left without saying anything to me.

About 15 years later, I was attending Market Days in Chicago. Huge street festival, with the street packed full of people. I was with some friends when I noticed Kevin was across the street. I hadn't seen him in the 15 years since he moved to Boston, but there he was looking good. He was walking in the opposite direction that we were going. When we got close to each other (he was on the opposite side of the street), he looked over to where we were standing but I couldn't tell if he had seen me or not. The street was so packed, there was no way I could make it over there without getting lost from my friends. I didn't get to talk to him, but it was nice to see him. 6 months later, I happened to run across a guy on AOL that had been friends with both Kevin and me in college. We talked for a few minutes when I told him that I had run into Kevin in Chicago. He stopped talking for a few minutes and then told me that wasn't Kevin. I asked how he knew it wasn't Kevin, when he told me that Kevin had died in 1992. It turns out that when I took Kevin to that doctor's appointment, he got tested for HIV/AIDS. His test had come back as positive. Kevin broke up with his boyfriend and moved to Boston because he couldn't face the people he knew and loved.

I have kept all of Kevin's notes from the few months we were together. Whenever I am in a sad mood, I pull them out and it always cheers me up. Kevin, "Pedro, come hither." "Alfredo, what is he? A cheese sauce?" RIP my friend, I hope you have found your peace.

Comments

What a bittersweet story and reminder of those whom so many of us have lost. At the time I met my husband, he was in Washington DC and I was from a much smaller place; he was very out and extroverted while I was very quiet and introverted. When we met, he was going to 2-3 funerals per week. After I moved to DC in 1990, I then had many losses too especially in the 12-Step recovery community.
We often think back to our dear lost ones. My husband thinks he must have seen at least 100 friends die; it's still a burden.
 
I grew up in a small redneck conservative town (population 400). HIV was a foreign idea. I went to college in a town nearby (population 20,000). HIV was still a foreign idea. I finally moved to the town with the gay bar (and the gay community), Champaign/Urbana (population 120,000). There I finally met a few people who were HIV+. A few years after I learned about Kevin's death, the guy who became my best friend after Kevin, would die from AIDS. I now know there are plenty of HIV+ people out there, and I understand their need to be silent. But I still feel lucky that I don't know a lot of people that died from it.
 
Kevin always brings up alot of memories. When we first met, I always thought of him as my brother. It seemed like I had known him my whole life and he had always been a part of everything. I shared all my secrets with him and he told me everything about his past.

That first night that he laid his head in my lap on the ride home from the bar, I hadn't thought about Kevin sexually, but it all felt so right. The sex was incredible. He was a bottom and I had no problems topping him. He always knew how to make me laugh and I always knew when he wanted to be held. He didn't talk to his family, so I invited him to join me with mine. He never took me up on the offer, but he did meet my parents a few times (remember this was before I had come out to anybody). He did introduce me to his best friend from his hometown. That night when she went to the gay bar with us, she picked up Alfredo, the Italian "straight" guy and they went back to Kevin's place with us. Kevin and I both thought Alfredo wasn't very straight, but we got many laughs out of him. In late 1991, I was in a bad car accident and was in the hospital for a short time. The next few days, I had to stay at my parent's house to recupreate. Tony and Kevin came to visit me at my parent's house. They brought me a stuffed bear and some balloons. Oddly enough, both of them had been in a bad accident the week before. They joked that I was trying to copy them. I think that is the last time the 3 of us hung around together.

The time I first met Kevin at the gay bar to the time Kevin disappeared to Boston was around a year. We were probably friends for 4 months, having sex for 2 or 3 months and then he was with Tony the rest of the time. It was a short time, but he left a HUGE mark on me. I still have all the notes he left me. Whenever I am sad, I bring them out and it will cheer me up remembering those times with him. I will always feel sad that I wasn't around when he needed it the most. But it was his choice to leave and keep the pain away from me. I'm sorry he felt like he had to do that.

Sorry to ramble on, just some more thoughts about Kevin popping into my head.
 
Thank you to everybody for the comments. Kevin obviously meant a lot to me and with all of the covid-19 news this week, this took me right back to when hiv was in the news. I hope everybody stays safe for the next few weeks.
 
I can relate.
<-- That gorgeous guy in my profile photo is my fiancé. We were supposed to get married this week in Rio. Sadly, I am not in Rio or getting married.
My sweet man died on Jan 13th from bronchial pneumonia, although not from Covid-19. He got sick back in July from contaminated tap water. He lived in Venezuela which is a fucking mess of a country, so public health issues, like treating/disinfecting drinking water sources, are not getting attended to.

The current Covid-19 issue is reminding me that it's not difficult to get sick and die.

I have almost 2 years' worth of WhatApp messaging to look back on. I'll go through it again sometime, but it's a bit too painful right now, his loss is still very fresh.

My heart really does go out to you, @cedarizzo

Link to the pic, in the event I've changed the icon image:
https://www.lpsg.com/gallery/photos/my-love-geovanny.4014131/
 
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Big Hugs for you @Andrue . So sorry to hear about your fiance. He looks so beautiful and sweet in that picture. That has to be really tough. Just save the WhatApp messages. You don't need to open those wounds just yet, but sometime in the future you will have them to remember the good memories. Much love to you, you are in my heart. :heart::heart::heart:
 

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