This is the hardest blog post to start yet. It’s to be expected due to the nature of the topic.
Ok let’s go stream of consciousness. The world got crazier and even heavier over the past 18 months. I spent a portion of that time trying to remain lightweight in a heavyweight world. I remembered what it felt like in 2015 when I was daily focused on those heavyweight problems and fighting that heavyweight fight (as many others were as well). I was fine for a period of time, but you feel that weight daily. It bred anger in me that I didn’t want to live with.
2020 was a weird year for me because I was happy to see so many new fighters. At the same time after a few months I felt drained like the weight was too heavy. Midway through the year I broke. I couldn’t handle the mental weight even as some younger fighters were looking up to me. I remember one day going into my backyard in tears struggling to understand why I couldn’t mentally carry this like 2015.
Why was this weight heavier? Why did I feel like I am failing? Why did I feel like I was drowning under both the weight of the problems plus the expectations? Why did I get anxiety from those phone calls beginning “[My name] so what are we gonna do about [social problem]? Are you speaking again at the next protest?”
I couldn’t handle it at that time. I wish I could say differently, but that’s not the truth. The truth is that I wanted to drop to lightweight instead of fighting these heavyweight issues. At some point you’re just drained and want to laugh....enjoy life...stop the tears even if just for a moment...find the laughs over the tears. I am still torn on my response to 2020. I wish I could have lasted through that entire heavyweight fight, but I couldn’t. This is where I believe LPSG comes in. This site provides a place to get away from those heavyweight issues for me.
I know it won’t last.
I largely stay away from heavyweight problems here because one of these days when the bell rings I’m going have to walk out of my real life door and into that ring. I have to answer the bell at some point. I just hope I’m mentally ready.
Until then I’m just appreciating lightweight.
Anyways thanks for reading. Now you see why this post was hard to even begin?
Ok let’s go stream of consciousness. The world got crazier and even heavier over the past 18 months. I spent a portion of that time trying to remain lightweight in a heavyweight world. I remembered what it felt like in 2015 when I was daily focused on those heavyweight problems and fighting that heavyweight fight (as many others were as well). I was fine for a period of time, but you feel that weight daily. It bred anger in me that I didn’t want to live with.
2020 was a weird year for me because I was happy to see so many new fighters. At the same time after a few months I felt drained like the weight was too heavy. Midway through the year I broke. I couldn’t handle the mental weight even as some younger fighters were looking up to me. I remember one day going into my backyard in tears struggling to understand why I couldn’t mentally carry this like 2015.
Why was this weight heavier? Why did I feel like I am failing? Why did I feel like I was drowning under both the weight of the problems plus the expectations? Why did I get anxiety from those phone calls beginning “[My name] so what are we gonna do about [social problem]? Are you speaking again at the next protest?”
I couldn’t handle it at that time. I wish I could say differently, but that’s not the truth. The truth is that I wanted to drop to lightweight instead of fighting these heavyweight issues. At some point you’re just drained and want to laugh....enjoy life...stop the tears even if just for a moment...find the laughs over the tears. I am still torn on my response to 2020. I wish I could have lasted through that entire heavyweight fight, but I couldn’t. This is where I believe LPSG comes in. This site provides a place to get away from those heavyweight issues for me.
I know it won’t last.
I largely stay away from heavyweight problems here because one of these days when the bell rings I’m going have to walk out of my real life door and into that ring. I have to answer the bell at some point. I just hope I’m mentally ready.
Until then I’m just appreciating lightweight.
Anyways thanks for reading. Now you see why this post was hard to even begin?