Lightweight in a Heavyweight Fight

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This is the hardest blog post to start yet. It’s to be expected due to the nature of the topic.

Ok let’s go stream of consciousness. The world got crazier and even heavier over the past 18 months. I spent a portion of that time trying to remain lightweight in a heavyweight world. I remembered what it felt like in 2015 when I was daily focused on those heavyweight problems and fighting that heavyweight fight (as many others were as well). I was fine for a period of time, but you feel that weight daily. It bred anger in me that I didn’t want to live with.

2020 was a weird year for me because I was happy to see so many new fighters. At the same time after a few months I felt drained like the weight was too heavy. Midway through the year I broke. I couldn’t handle the mental weight even as some younger fighters were looking up to me. I remember one day going into my backyard in tears struggling to understand why I couldn’t mentally carry this like 2015.

Why was this weight heavier? Why did I feel like I am failing? Why did I feel like I was drowning under both the weight of the problems plus the expectations? Why did I get anxiety from those phone calls beginning “[My name] so what are we gonna do about [social problem]? Are you speaking again at the next protest?”

I couldn’t handle it at that time. I wish I could say differently, but that’s not the truth. The truth is that I wanted to drop to lightweight instead of fighting these heavyweight issues. At some point you’re just drained and want to laugh....enjoy life...stop the tears even if just for a moment...find the laughs over the tears. I am still torn on my response to 2020. I wish I could have lasted through that entire heavyweight fight, but I couldn’t. This is where I believe LPSG comes in. This site provides a place to get away from those heavyweight issues for me.

I know it won’t last.

I largely stay away from heavyweight problems here because one of these days when the bell rings I’m going have to walk out of my real life door and into that ring. I have to answer the bell at some point. I just hope I’m mentally ready.

Until then I’m just appreciating lightweight.

Anyways thanks for reading. Now you see why this post was hard to even begin?

Comments

Hope you don't mind me commenting on something this close to you.

It's stamina I think. Those "heavyweight problems" either quickly or slowly eat away at people's stamina, depending on the person. Everyone, no matter how strong a person they are have their limits.

I don't pretend to know you but you strike me as an oak tree. Strong and resilient. But even oaks can get blown over in storms.

It was an interesting read and one that will resonate with a lot of people I think. I have no doubt you'll be that heavyweight champion again soon mate, if not already.
 
Something I learned in secondary school:

You can look at it as a balance. On the one side of the balance, you have the weight you have to carry. On the other side you have your strength to deal with problems in your life. And all at the bottom, you have support (friends and family).
People's breaking point is where the load tips the balance too far, because they don't have any strength left nor support.

--------------------------

Something else someone on a similar site long ago told me, and that helps me, is to consciously look at the good things in my day. Even if my day wasn't the best one, I can find stuff as "I had enough to eat" or "I wasn't cold". By accentuating the positive parts, it's easier to remember the day as a good one, and get energy from it vs being drained.

I hope you find somewhere in you the courage and strength to go on in life and enjoy the moments. And you know where to find me if you need a talk. :)
 

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