Hello folks,
I have come to realize that I have an addiction. So I am imposing on my self a 12 step program for LPSG Annonymous.
I'm on step on- I am powerless.
I have come to this conclusion the other day when chatting. I was browsing at how long people were on chat etc. I saw some people on there for hours. multiple hours. and saw that I was on for at least 45 minutes. not too bad I guess as chat goes. But what would keep one from staying hours on end in chat?
I than began looking at my last few days in terms of how long or more importantly how often I would log on to LPSG. OMG, this was my typical day:
get up at 5am fumble in the darkness for my glasses and get my iphone. check the stocks, that took a mere 2-3 min. and for the rest of the time before 6 was on LPSG, checking my posts replies, new photos, messages. making replies on new posts etc.
go to work and where I use to read the paper first and catch up, I would log on to LPSG for another at least 45 minutes through my iPad or phone, not my work computer! and, doing the same browsing as when I was at home, as if things would have changed in an hour.
on break at 10, again the same routine for 1/2 hr.
at lunch, afternoon break after I signed out, ditto.
access to the internet through my smartphone has made it so easy to go on to LPSG.
go home first thing was to check LPSG since I'm the first one home for about an hour sometimes. I can only check videos on my desk top.
so, basically I found my self going on or needing to go on at moments when I had time but I began wasting time rather than persuing other interests. When shopping with my wife and waiting for her at Nordstroms, they have chairs i'd sit next to a wall and check what was going on. I'm an Addict!
Than I started to get into the chat rooms. and that was after 10pm when my wife is dead asleep. I would be on there for at least 1.5hrs if I was "involved", haha. It's a whole different high at that. Exhibitionism, I'm defining it,
So I am on step 1- admitting that i have a problem and am powerless.
so yesterday I actually found it very difficult though the temptation was great to stay off until last night, I went on chat and became a whore! and binged on the LPSG drug. I was off LPSG for at least 12 hours or more prior to that.
Today I PM people that was about it. Did not even go to chat. stayed maybe less than 1/2 hr so far. Except now as I am writing this blog to document my 12 steps ( im not sure why there are only 11 though)
I may not go past step 2 but at least I recognize my weakness.
so there you have it, long but I am commited to see that I will not waste my time on this site except to fulfill my sexual desires. And most importantly I will cut the grass when I am told, do the dishes, and watch Criminal Minds with my wife when asked and not be "busy" to do such things.
:wink:
I have come to realize that I have an addiction. So I am imposing on my self a 12 step program for LPSG Annonymous.
I'm on step on- I am powerless.
I have come to this conclusion the other day when chatting. I was browsing at how long people were on chat etc. I saw some people on there for hours. multiple hours. and saw that I was on for at least 45 minutes. not too bad I guess as chat goes. But what would keep one from staying hours on end in chat?
I than began looking at my last few days in terms of how long or more importantly how often I would log on to LPSG. OMG, this was my typical day:
get up at 5am fumble in the darkness for my glasses and get my iphone. check the stocks, that took a mere 2-3 min. and for the rest of the time before 6 was on LPSG, checking my posts replies, new photos, messages. making replies on new posts etc.
go to work and where I use to read the paper first and catch up, I would log on to LPSG for another at least 45 minutes through my iPad or phone, not my work computer! and, doing the same browsing as when I was at home, as if things would have changed in an hour.
on break at 10, again the same routine for 1/2 hr.
at lunch, afternoon break after I signed out, ditto.
access to the internet through my smartphone has made it so easy to go on to LPSG.
go home first thing was to check LPSG since I'm the first one home for about an hour sometimes. I can only check videos on my desk top.
so, basically I found my self going on or needing to go on at moments when I had time but I began wasting time rather than persuing other interests. When shopping with my wife and waiting for her at Nordstroms, they have chairs i'd sit next to a wall and check what was going on. I'm an Addict!
Than I started to get into the chat rooms. and that was after 10pm when my wife is dead asleep. I would be on there for at least 1.5hrs if I was "involved", haha. It's a whole different high at that. Exhibitionism, I'm defining it,
So I am on step 1- admitting that i have a problem and am powerless.
so yesterday I actually found it very difficult though the temptation was great to stay off until last night, I went on chat and became a whore! and binged on the LPSG drug. I was off LPSG for at least 12 hours or more prior to that.
Today I PM people that was about it. Did not even go to chat. stayed maybe less than 1/2 hr so far. Except now as I am writing this blog to document my 12 steps ( im not sure why there are only 11 though)
I may not go past step 2 but at least I recognize my weakness.
- We admitted we were powerless over LPSG—that our lives had become unmanageable. Yes I am
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Will, will do it for me, I have a strong one.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Not the godly type so will turn over my will to my will.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Would that mean I have to give up my membership, I don't thing so. again will will help me as well as fear of my wife finding out (on theDL)
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Is it wrong to love sex? NO. but to be obsessed yes. So I will have to be willful of my time on LPSG and not be pulled into thinking that sex is wrong in order to curb my enthusiasm
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. this may not happen, so I will skip this step.
- Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Again will not happen another step to skip.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. I like this step considering that the only amends I have to make are those that I denied access to my cam. Or declined their friend request. I hoped they werent harmed.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. refer to step 8 on this
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. I will, I will, I will not go on LPSG, okay.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Not the godly type here so I will not feel guilty about it and probably just repeat step 1.
so there you have it, long but I am commited to see that I will not waste my time on this site except to fulfill my sexual desires. And most importantly I will cut the grass when I am told, do the dishes, and watch Criminal Minds with my wife when asked and not be "busy" to do such things.
:wink: