I found myself remembering a past crush recently. He was a guy that bullied me during middle school. He was a cop's son... and also the culprit of numerous bomb threats to the school. When this was found out, he was sent to juvi. It's odd that I think so fondly of this bully... but sometimes, the way to talked to me and touched me was a crazy turn on. He also had that european nose I love so much but that's besides the point. On the bus ride to school, he would massage my shoulders but throw in some very painful squeezes and even punches to the shoulder. Keeping up appearances, I suppose. It was also well known that I was a pervert, always making dirty jokes. So he would tease me about that, in an odd way. He would mostly referencing how I was masturbate. Saying things like "I bet you really focus at the head." or simply make perverted jokes alongside mine about how he likes to fuck (posturing, at that age). He eventually started going out with the girl that lived a few doors down from me... that's when I started to fantasize about him.
I wasn't out at the time. I was 11-14 or something and didn't come out until I was 15. I wasn't even sure I was gay before then. Anyway, back to the boy. His name was Nathan. He had a slender face with a large nose, large ears and big eyes... almost feminine but the cut was still clearly masculine. Track runner and skinny as fuck with dark blonde/light brown curly hair and braces (I had a HUGE fucking thing for braces in those days). I sat behind him in my 8th grade science class and constantly popped boners, seeing him in his basketball shorts. I even ended up stuck as his lab partner once, when the teacher was picking partners. I wonder what became of him.... I often think to myself "he probably came out by now". Such wishful thinking.
I seem to have a thing for guys that don't treat me well, though. What's up with that? I'm not into humiliation. I'm only into the idea of slavery-in-the-bedroom with strict boundaries... so uhm, where does this come from? I'm very emotionally sensitive and easily flip my lid but with him, I remember almost never being angered or depressed by his actions or words. I wonder if it was just that "one of the guys" type thing. After all, in all my life (even up to now) I've never been "one of the guys" for even a week's length. In fact, I remember playing Halo with one of my brother's friends and we were dogging on each other. I quickly formed a crush on him and it's still there. Though, I already had a crush on his older brother in my grade as well, so that was probably more on his looks. I quite clearly remember staring at his hairy sport-playing legs. How old were we back when Halo was first released for the XBOX?
I wasn't out at the time. I was 11-14 or something and didn't come out until I was 15. I wasn't even sure I was gay before then. Anyway, back to the boy. His name was Nathan. He had a slender face with a large nose, large ears and big eyes... almost feminine but the cut was still clearly masculine. Track runner and skinny as fuck with dark blonde/light brown curly hair and braces (I had a HUGE fucking thing for braces in those days). I sat behind him in my 8th grade science class and constantly popped boners, seeing him in his basketball shorts. I even ended up stuck as his lab partner once, when the teacher was picking partners. I wonder what became of him.... I often think to myself "he probably came out by now". Such wishful thinking.
I seem to have a thing for guys that don't treat me well, though. What's up with that? I'm not into humiliation. I'm only into the idea of slavery-in-the-bedroom with strict boundaries... so uhm, where does this come from? I'm very emotionally sensitive and easily flip my lid but with him, I remember almost never being angered or depressed by his actions or words. I wonder if it was just that "one of the guys" type thing. After all, in all my life (even up to now) I've never been "one of the guys" for even a week's length. In fact, I remember playing Halo with one of my brother's friends and we were dogging on each other. I quickly formed a crush on him and it's still there. Though, I already had a crush on his older brother in my grade as well, so that was probably more on his looks. I quite clearly remember staring at his hairy sport-playing legs. How old were we back when Halo was first released for the XBOX?