Mom is plucking my last good nerve!

I had a bad day with mom. One of those days where I wish matricide was legal.
She thinks I always have to be right. I don’t. I’m actually the least competitive person you will ever meet.

We have a lawn swing similar to this one, actually we have 2; one at either end of the pool. Mom tightened the bolts so that the canopy was flat across the top and not tilted. I said that was a bad idea because people like to move the canopy so the sun won’t be in their eyes and because of the strong winds which we get all the time here. This was like 3 weeks ago.

Sunday night we had a major thunder and lightning storm with HIGH WINDS and monsoon like rain. You guessed it! One lawn swing was blown into the deep end of the pool. Basically the lawn swing canopy acted like Mary Poppins umbrella and went airborne.

I know what y’all are thinking, “So what, let her get it out of the pool.” She's 79 and has bad arthritis in her hands, knees, and hips! The last thing I needed was for her to try and do it herself and fall in the pool or worse. FWIW: I couldn’t do it by myself and right now I’m the strongest person in the house. I know because I tried before I went to the dentist on Monday afternoon. That's right in addition to having chipped a tooth and needing extra novocaine which left my mouth sore until 9 PM. I come home and have to deal with a willful and bratty senior citizen.:mad:

You have no idea how hard it was for mom and I to get that damned thing out of the pool! Dad was of course in drill sargeant mode, so he directed and mom ignored his directions and mine until I snapped and started yelling at her.:mad:

It was a 2 person job no matter how you slice it. :irked:

She won't just do what I tell her to do. It just pissed me off because I told her not to do it and she did; and it caused major aggravation and stress for all of us. She’s lucky it didn’t scratch or tear a hole in the liner.

I swear to God all summer we have been hemorraghing money. :angryfire2: :irked:

This is like the 4th time in six months that I have asked and/or told her to do something and she has flat out ignored me. She was lucky this time. The last two times she ignored me, when she finally realized there was a problem it cost her thousands of dollars to correct.

Comments

Hey NJ, my Mom is 78 years old and also in ill health. In fact, she's terminally ill and on hospice care, although she's been hanging in there in basically the same ornery condition for more than a year, long after doctors predicted she'd be dead.

As she became increasingly homebound and now largely confined to her room (she just doesn't have the energy to even get around the house much), she more and more tried to assert control over her environment. Unfortunately this takes the form of her insisting that things in the house remain exactly as they have always been, even though the house in some respects is falling down around us and is a flat-out danger.

But I've come to understand that *the way the house is* represents all the discussions and decisions and work and shopping trips that she made with my Dad when he was alive, and to see those things undone at this point -- even if for purely practical reasons -- is very painful to her. So I just leave well enough alone, although it drives me crazy sometimes that the garage doors have warped and don't close properly; or that we have $300 electricity bills because all our windows are the old cheap single-pane kind they hardly even make anymore; etc, etc.
 
Penis Aficionado;bt16872 said:
Hey NJ, my Mom is 78 years old and also in ill health. In fact, she's terminally ill and on hospice care, although she's been hanging in there in basically the same ornery condition for more than a year, long after doctors predicted she'd be dead.
I'm so sorry to hear that! :frown1: Fortunately my mom is in pretty good physical health the problem is she is in the early stages of dementia. She frequently forgets things, which I understand, but she refuses to acknowledge that she is forgetting things. :rolleyes: She instead chooses to berate me for not telling her things. I have started writing almost everything down and taking pictures of even silly events just so I can remind her later. :frown1:

As she became increasingly homebound and now largely confined to her room (she just doesn't have the energy to even get around the house much), she more and more tried to assert control over her environment. Unfortunately this takes the form of her insisting that things in the house remain exactly as they have always been, even though the house in some respects is falling down around us and is a flat-out danger.
Now that sounds more like my dad! :yup: He is 81 and in the advanced stages of Parkinson's; he was a drill sargeant during the Korean War. His way of exerting control is to bark orders at me. :angryfire2: He doesn't have the shakey movements of Michael J. Fox. He does drool and has the slow, shuffling gait of Muhammad Ali and he is beginning to have problems speaking.:frown1:


But I've come to understand that *the way the house is* represents all the discussions and decisions and work and shopping trips that she made with my Dad when he was alive, and to see those things undone at this point -- even if for purely practical reasons -- is very painful to her. So I just leave well enough alone, although it drives me crazy sometimes that the garage doors have warped and don't close properly; or that we have $300 electricity bills because all our windows are the old cheap single-pane kind they hardly even make anymore; etc, etc.
My mom has always been a control freak. She has OCD and refuses to relinquish even a small amount of control to me, even though it would make her life soooo much easier. :redface:
 
Now whoever put the tag of Matricide on this blog post needs to settle down a little
 
I have assembled a similar swing for my neighbor up the street. I anchored hers into the ground with two spikes and bicycle lock chains.
 
NJ. I understand your frustrations.
You are just going to have to ignore her and do things yourself when possible. She is making a big mess out of everything! Hang in there.

xoxoxox
 
This whole situation must be really tough on you, NJ. I'm sorry you have to go through it. My Mom is the same way -- a control freak. The difficult thing for me is that last year I quit my job to help take care of my folks (my Dad died of cancer last November), and I thought that at least I could fill up my days by fixing up the house. But now my Mom won't let me touch anything, so I just spend a lot of time drinking beer, downloading music and looking at pictures of large penises on the internet.
 
Pitbull;bt16878 said:
Now whoever put the tag of Matricide on this blog post needs to settle down a little
If you were here you would understand. :cool:

Anytime I feel like killing her, or just shaking her until her little pea brain rattles around in her head, I feel matricide should be legal. :redface:
 
Penis Aficionado;bt16897 said:
This whole situation must be really tough on you, NJ. I'm sorry you have to go through it. My Mom is the same way -- a control freak. The difficult thing for me is that last year I quit my job to help take care of my folks (my Dad died of cancer last November), and I thought that at least I could fill up my days by fixing up the house. But now my Mom won't let me touch anything, so I just spend a lot of time drinking beer, downloading music and looking at pictures of large penises on the internet.
Uhmm, this may be the pot calling the kettle black but you really need to find more constructive things to do with your time.
1) Cut out the drinking so much! The only thing worse than an adult child moving back home is an adult child who is an alcoholic and/or druggy moving back home.
2) Get a hobby. I like to garden and have been spending a lot of time outdoors of late.
3) Sometimes, like when she is napping or at the senior center I am able to make small repairs around the house. If your mom is not very mobile you should be able to do the same. :wink:
4) As for looking at pictures of large penises on the internet. You can tell by my post history I spend quite a bit of time here. :redface: But I also have been making an effort to form real life friendships in my new hometown. I suggest you do the same. :smile:
 
invisibleman;bt16879 said:
I have assembled a similar swing for my neighbor up the street. I anchored hers into the ground with two spikes and bicycle lock chains.
Great idea! Mom was insisting they needed to be on the concrete apron around the pool; but now realizes that is too close. Especially when we get those wretched high and straight line winds. I'm gonna go to the store later today and pick up spikes and chains. :biggrin1: Thank you! :cool:
 
njqt466;bt16898 said:
If you were here you would understand. :cool:

Anytime I feel like killing her, or just shaking her until her little pea brain rattles around in her head, I feel matricide should be legal. :redface:

And if you were here you would realize that I have a first hand understanding which is at a level beyond what you are experiencing now.
I will just say that the Pitbull is chained to an 87 year old if you want details, PM me.
We were children and had parents who were the adults and eventually we become adults and our parents become children. Then they become like babies who can't do anything for themselves.

You want children? Sounds like you have two. And take my advice - time to "child-proof" their lives. Legal, financial, medical and physical surroundings.
If they have not done it yet - wills, power of attorney, medical directives.
You think what she has done has been costly? Forgive this white boy for putting it this way. "Girl! I could tell you things that could curl the curls on the curls of your hair."

Matricide - No.
Your mom is not doing this on purpose and has no ability to do things with clear thinking at this point. And she will not miraculously regain that ability. What she does have she will slowly lose.

I stand by my advice. You need to settle down. I do understand. Trust me on that one.
 

Blog entry information

Author
Principessa
Read time
2 min read
Views
221
Comments
11
Last update

More entries in General

More entries from Principessa

Share this entry