My worst week ever? God I hope so!

My worst week ever? It damn well better be, because I can't take much more.

My dads cousin Pete died Saturday. Apparently his pacemaker became infected. I thought they were metal or plastic, how the hell does a pacemaker become so infected it destroys the surrounding tissue?!? :12: He was a nice man, he and my dad grew up together.

One of my moms best friends died Monday after a startlingly brief illness.

Tensions are running high because mom says there isn't enough money to fly up for either funeral; but that's a topic for another day. The money is there it just isn't liquid/easily accessed.

As much as I will miss both of them as they were always around when I was growing up and kind to me when closer family members were not, I have my own hell with which to deal.

I hesitate to even mention it on a site like this but it is just bothering me too much. Every time I see a baby I swear I feel my ovaries twitch. I am depressed, I feel stupid, like a withered, old crone. :frown1:

My dear Marley's "Rant About People Having Kids" struck an already raw nerve. As did my buddy ZOS23xy in his post: Do not have kids if:
You are not prepared - I thought I wasn't, but apparently no prep is necessary.
You are not mature - I was born mature.
You do not have money - For most of my life I worked 2 or 3 jobs and was still under-employed. By the time I started earning a decent single salary I was in my early 30's & men stopped showing an interest in me.
If you use drugs habitually -I dumped the alcoholic I dated at 19, who hid my birth control pills because he thought I would look cute pregnant.
You have no job -I have a strong Protestant work ethic this has never been an issue for me.
You think it will bring you two closer together - N/A
You think it will make you mature -I have always been mature for my age.
You flip burgers for a living -I haven't done that since I worked at Great Adventure back in the early 1980's
I'm not mad at ZOS23xy he makes perfectly valid points with which I agree. I just wish I didn't. I wish like hell that I had a lapse of judgement, sense, or perhaps just morals sometime in the last 20 years. But I was a good girl, I did everything right, and for that my prize is to grow old alone and die alone.

I have been having VERY PAINFUL periods with heavy flow for about 18 months give or take. Last Thursday I had a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound and was told that I should have a hysterectomy to remove my uterus but leave my ovaries.

They found over a dozen uterine fibroids, all under 3 cm in size. The gyn said because they are so small I am not a good candidate for myomectomy. I am going to get a 2nd opinion in Atlanta, but in the mean time I have scheduled a D&C, hysteroscopy, and she said possible fibroid resection for 11/24/08.

My gynecologist explained to me that the reason for my protruding belly (My protruding belly bothers my mother and she keeps commenting on how fat I am getting) is that the uterus expands to accomodate the fibroids. Since they are so small this makes no sense to me. She said right now my uterus is equivalent to that of a 12-13 week pregnancy. This explains why none of my jeans fit right. :irked:

I can't believe I wasted so much time waiting for Mr. Right and now it's too late. :cry: She said since I still have plenty of eggs even if I were to become pregnant naturally chances are I would miscarry because the uterine fibroids would make my womb an unstable and hostile environment for a fetus. In addition if I were to go to a fertility clinic, because of my age they would probably insist on my using donor eggs. Hello! I don't want someone elses baby I want my own!!! To say I am not happy right now doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.


Glossary of Gynecologic Terms Used Above:

For those clueless about the female anatomy, the uterus IS the womb. By removing the uterus you remove ALL chance for carrying a child.

A minor operation in which the cervix is expanded enough (dilation) to permit the cervical canal and uterine lining to be scraped with a spoon-shaped instrument called a curette (curettage).

Hysteroscopy: The insertion of a long, thin, lighted telescope-like instrument, called a hysteroscope, through the cervix and into the uterus to examine the inside of the uterus. Hysteroscopy can be used to both diagnose and surgically treat uterine conditions.

Fibroid resection or Hysteroscopic myomectomy - Just as with a standard hysteroscope, the resectoscope is inserted through the cervix. Because it goes through the cervix, it is not necessary to make an incision. Procedures using the resectoscope are done in an operating room setting, such as in an outpatient surgery center. This can at times be done under local anesthesia, but most women prefer to be completely asleep with general anesthesia.

Uterine fibroid embolization (also known as uterine artery embolization) -
represents a fundamentally new approach to the treatment of fibroids. Embolization is a minimally invasive means of blocking the arteries that supply blood to the fibroids. It is a procedure that uses angiographic techniques (similar to those used in heart catheterization) to place a catheter into the uterine arteries. Small particles are injected into the arteries, which results in the blockage of the arteries feeding the fibroids. This technique is essentially the same as that used to control bleeding that occurs after birth or pelvic fracture, or bleeding caused by malignant tumors. The procedure was first used in fibroid patients in France as a means of decreasing the blood loss that occurs during myomectomy. It was discovered that after the embolization, while awaiting surgery, many patient's symptoms went away and surgery was no longer needed. The blockage of the blood supply caused degeneration of the fibroids and this resulted in resolution of their symptoms. This has led to the use of this technique as a stand-alone treatment for symptomatic fibroids.

Comments

First:
I am so sorry to hear about the deaths in your family. Your parents should make an effort to attend both as, in my experience, there are not many gathering opportunities for the ‘rents. I’m not saying funerals are social gatherings, but they allow a group of people with shared history to interact and reconnect, I believe that’s valuable for older generations when a loss occurs.


On to fibroids:
I know you are not giving up.
Fibroids are common for Black women.
My mother had Aunt had one the size of grapefruit (it looked like she was 4 months pregnant for a decade), she found a book from the 80s by a Black woman (from Atl or NY, I believe) who was alarmed at the rate of hysterectomies for Black women and devised a way to treat through diet. You can find this referenced in old Essence and Ebony magazine, but apparently, the method of changing the diet worked to shrink fibroids a considerable amount--some completely. I'm sure you can find it in a feminist or Black book shop.

Definitely get that 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinion until you find a doctor as concerned about your wellness and desire to have children.



Babies:
Have them.
You want a baby? Get pregnant and have a baby. It may not be your ideal, but it hasn’t been up to this point so you just continue to deal with it.

a :hug: for you... so many people having tough times now, I know we all need a bit of venting and support.
 
Hugs to you both for your kind words and not telling me what my favorite aunt told me on Saturday which is to, "let them yank it all out and be done with it." :yikes: Sorry, that is not an option just yet. Just cause she had a hysterectomy at 27 after only having one child it's easy to take that attitude.

I know black women are more prone to uterine fibroids which I guess is why we have been subjected to more hysterectomys. My limited research alludes to that fact that many hysterectomys were done prior to 1980 on black women under 35 as a means of pseudogenocide or more nicely put eugenics. My educated/rationale adult brain says, 'Hell no! That's ridiculous!" Then I remember the Tuskegee Experiment and the tiniest seed of doubt is planted firmly, in my mind.

I know I will live through this, I am a survivor. It just pisses me off is all. They say God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I have to say I have reached the point that I wish God didn't have so much faith in my ability to handle things. Seriously, if I were a weaker person would my life be easier? Cause I look around at some other people and I have to wonder. . .
 
Get waaay more medical opinions - I have also heard about non-surgical ways to deal with fibroids...I also know someone who had them & even had to have some removed WHILE she was pregnant...thank God she came through the procedure OK and was able to continue the pregnancy & deliver a healthy, full-term baby.

PS: If you want a baby, screw what others might think about it & have one. You are a GAW and are perfectly capable of making that decision for yourself & dealing with the consequences!
 
Hi nj

I felt reluctant to comment since I don't know you, but this is some kind of support community after all, isn't it?

I don't want to write all kinds of advices, I just want to say I feel for you. I'm sure you will solve your problems in the best possible way.

Now I see my gf has all the symptoms of uterine fibroids and she's away in Afrika, I cannot take her to gyno for many months...
 
Hey NJ,

First, sorry to hear about all your woes and the deaths of family friends. I always find that I am reminded of my own mortality when familial mainstayers pass. When my dad died nine years ago, I kept thinking "only one to go and I will be an orphan", which was pathetic given that I was already a grown woman! Still, who says logic or sense comes into it when you are dealing with the death of someone you care about...

Re your baby yearnings: It's not all doom and gloom despite what your gynecologist is saying. I am not sure why she is talking hysterectomy. It seems a tad premature to me. According to this site, there is a slightly elevated risk of complications in pregnancy when women have fibroids but most of the time, a woman wouldn't even notice anything untoward as her pregnancy progresses. Suggesting a hysterectomy is therefore tantamount to cracking a walnut with a sledgehammer in my view. Your gynecologist clearly wants as easy a ride as possible but I am not seeing how that is going to help you. And at the end of the day she is there to help you - not herself.

Re wanting a baby - I want one too. But finding a decent man is so hard (as I am sure you know). You are at a major crunch point because you are now very conscious that your days of being able to safely conceive and deliver a child are slipping away. Hence the twitching ovaries. You need to do some soul searching. How badly do you want a baby and what are you prepared to do to have one, NJ? These are the real questions that need to be asked now because you are not getting any younger. Yes, you can still get pregnant. The question is, is this something you would want to do on your own? Or would you rather remain childless?

Yes, these are fairly brutal questions but I never said it would be an easy decision to make and the underlying questions were always going to be tough as a consequence. But I do understand your turmoil. For myself, yes, I want a baby. I can afford to have one and raise it on my own and I suspect this is probably what I will end up doing if I don't meet a decent guy in the next couple of years. But you know what is truly crazy? If I don't meet that guy I will probably end up asking my ex to father it for me because I know he makes GREAT babies!
 
NJ,

You and I need to talk. I have always had fibroids and I was able to have 2 children. Your fibroids sound small compared to mine. And I was told that fibroids won't keep you from being able to have a baby. I will warn you that my fibroids grew a lot when I was pregnant. All that estrogen that is in there.

What I would recommend is. Go to a board certified infertility doctor and have a consultation with them. I would check into having artificial insemination now donor sperm. Let the infertility dr. check out your egg quality. Maybe even take some fertility drugs. You can always freeze some of your eggs and use a surrogate later. In case you want more children later.

If you really really think you can't live your life without having a biological child.....I would urge you to try to have a baby now. With donor sperm.

Don't let them talk you into a hysterectomy until it is your decision.

I promise you.....when you and I go into menopause..... and quit producing estrogen..... the fibroids will shrink up.

Don't give up on your dreams.

By the way, Sorry to hear about your family friend's passings.

Kadtxgrl

p.m. me if you want to talk.
 
I don't know that much about fertility clinics anywhere else but here in Texas.

In San Antonio they have a group that has a lot of good results with getting women over the age of 35 pregnant. At the time I went to the branch in Austin. And I was successful first try. Fertility clinics also help women who have problems miscarrying. I didn't know that myself. That was news to me. I thought the fertility clinics only helped people get pregnant. Not stay pregnant.
 
DO more research on UAE/UFE and find a practioner in your locality.
If you cannot find one, let me know and I shall help.

UAE/UFE has been really really slow to take off in the states. The hysterectomy business is such a huge one and makes so much money it's been nigh on impossible for the radiologists to get the patient referrals from the gynaecologists.

Also, the particles used in the UAE/UFE had not been FDA approved ( I have to be honest and say I am a year or 2 out of date with this so may be wrong now) which is a lengthy procedure in itself, even though thousands of procedures have been perfomed in Europe.

That said, there are many radiologists doing them in the US. You just have to find them.

Do not have a hysterectomy unless you absolutely have to and the radiologist feels it's the correct treatment as he cannot help.

Hysterectomy is major surgery. UAE/UFE is performed either as a day procedure or with one overnight stay and is pretty simple. Other than a nick in a femoral artery which means you have to stay flat on your back for 4 hours the only other issue can be pretty bad cramping afterwards - just like bad period pain, which can be dealt with by meds.

Good luck honey! :hug:
 
I have an appt. with a doc at Emory University Hospital on Monday morning for a 2nd opinion. He specializes in fibroid removal and high risk pregnancies.

In the meantime if you are tall, handsome, intelligent, have a good sense of humor, have no history of heart disease, diabetes, cancer or mental illness in your family then PM me. I need you to donate some of your best swimmers. :wink: :cool:

 
NJ -- just catching up on your blog. You have had some tough days there, friend. I'm sending my most positive energy your way, along with so many others here. Good luck at Emory; sorry for your losses; and I'll be happy to tell you the story of our miracle son who was conceived in vitro after six years of "trying," when both my wife and I each had our own serious fertility challenges.
 

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