My worst week ever? It damn well better be, because I can't take much more.
My dads cousin Pete died Saturday. Apparently his pacemaker became infected. I thought they were metal or plastic, how the hell does a pacemaker become so infected it destroys the surrounding tissue?!? :12: He was a nice man, he and my dad grew up together.
One of my moms best friends died Monday after a startlingly brief illness.
Tensions are running high because mom says there isn't enough money to fly up for either funeral; but that's a topic for another day. The money is there it just isn't liquid/easily accessed.
As much as I will miss both of them as they were always around when I was growing up and kind to me when closer family members were not, I have my own hell with which to deal.
I hesitate to even mention it on a site like this but it is just bothering me too much. Every time I see a baby I swear I feel my ovaries twitch. I am depressed, I feel stupid, like a withered, old crone. :frown1:
My dear Marley's "Rant About People Having Kids" struck an already raw nerve. As did my buddy ZOS23xy in his post: Do not have kids if:
I have been having VERY PAINFUL periods with heavy flow for about 18 months give or take. Last Thursday I had a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound and was told that I should have a hysterectomy to remove my uterus but leave my ovaries.
They found over a dozen uterine fibroids, all under 3 cm in size. The gyn said because they are so small I am not a good candidate for myomectomy. I am going to get a 2nd opinion in Atlanta, but in the mean time I have scheduled a D&C, hysteroscopy, and she said possible fibroid resection for 11/24/08.
My gynecologist explained to me that the reason for my protruding belly (My protruding belly bothers my mother and she keeps commenting on how fat I am getting) is that the uterus expands to accomodate the fibroids. Since they are so small this makes no sense to me. She said right now my uterus is equivalent to that of a 12-13 week pregnancy. This explains why none of my jeans fit right. :irked:
I can't believe I wasted so much time waiting for Mr. Right and now it's too late. :cry: She said since I still have plenty of eggs even if I were to become pregnant naturally chances are I would miscarry because the uterine fibroids would make my womb an unstable and hostile environment for a fetus. In addition if I were to go to a fertility clinic, because of my age they would probably insist on my using donor eggs. Hello! I don't want someone elses baby I want my own!!! To say I am not happy right now doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.
For those clueless about the female anatomy, the uterus IS the womb. By removing the uterus you remove ALL chance for carrying a child.
A minor operation in which the cervix is expanded enough (dilation) to permit the cervical canal and uterine lining to be scraped with a spoon-shaped instrument called a curette (curettage).
Hysteroscopy: The insertion of a long, thin, lighted telescope-like instrument, called a hysteroscope, through the cervix and into the uterus to examine the inside of the uterus. Hysteroscopy can be used to both diagnose and surgically treat uterine conditions.
Fibroid resection or Hysteroscopic myomectomy - Just as with a standard hysteroscope, the resectoscope is inserted through the cervix. Because it goes through the cervix, it is not necessary to make an incision. Procedures using the resectoscope are done in an operating room setting, such as in an outpatient surgery center. This can at times be done under local anesthesia, but most women prefer to be completely asleep with general anesthesia.
Uterine fibroid embolization (also known as uterine artery embolization) -
represents a fundamentally new approach to the treatment of fibroids. Embolization is a minimally invasive means of blocking the arteries that supply blood to the fibroids. It is a procedure that uses angiographic techniques (similar to those used in heart catheterization) to place a catheter into the uterine arteries. Small particles are injected into the arteries, which results in the blockage of the arteries feeding the fibroids. This technique is essentially the same as that used to control bleeding that occurs after birth or pelvic fracture, or bleeding caused by malignant tumors. The procedure was first used in fibroid patients in France as a means of decreasing the blood loss that occurs during myomectomy. It was discovered that after the embolization, while awaiting surgery, many patient's symptoms went away and surgery was no longer needed. The blockage of the blood supply caused degeneration of the fibroids and this resulted in resolution of their symptoms. This has led to the use of this technique as a stand-alone treatment for symptomatic fibroids.
My dads cousin Pete died Saturday. Apparently his pacemaker became infected. I thought they were metal or plastic, how the hell does a pacemaker become so infected it destroys the surrounding tissue?!? :12: He was a nice man, he and my dad grew up together.
One of my moms best friends died Monday after a startlingly brief illness.
Tensions are running high because mom says there isn't enough money to fly up for either funeral; but that's a topic for another day. The money is there it just isn't liquid/easily accessed.
As much as I will miss both of them as they were always around when I was growing up and kind to me when closer family members were not, I have my own hell with which to deal.
I hesitate to even mention it on a site like this but it is just bothering me too much. Every time I see a baby I swear I feel my ovaries twitch. I am depressed, I feel stupid, like a withered, old crone. :frown1:
My dear Marley's "Rant About People Having Kids" struck an already raw nerve. As did my buddy ZOS23xy in his post: Do not have kids if:
You are not prepared - I thought I wasn't, but apparently no prep is necessary.
You are not mature - I was born mature.
You do not have money - For most of my life I worked 2 or 3 jobs and was still under-employed. By the time I started earning a decent single salary I was in my early 30's & men stopped showing an interest in me.
If you use drugs habitually -I dumped the alcoholic I dated at 19, who hid my birth control pills because he thought I would look cute pregnant.
You have no job -I have a strong Protestant work ethic this has never been an issue for me.
You think it will bring you two closer together - N/A
You think it will make you mature -I have always been mature for my age.
You flip burgers for a living -I haven't done that since I worked at Great Adventure back in the early 1980's
I'm not mad at ZOS23xy he makes perfectly valid points with which I agree. I just wish I didn't. I wish like hell that I had a lapse of judgement, sense, or perhaps just morals sometime in the last 20 years. But I was a good girl, I did everything right, and for that my prize is to grow old alone and die alone.You are not mature - I was born mature.
You do not have money - For most of my life I worked 2 or 3 jobs and was still under-employed. By the time I started earning a decent single salary I was in my early 30's & men stopped showing an interest in me.
If you use drugs habitually -I dumped the alcoholic I dated at 19, who hid my birth control pills because he thought I would look cute pregnant.
You have no job -I have a strong Protestant work ethic this has never been an issue for me.
You think it will bring you two closer together - N/A
You think it will make you mature -I have always been mature for my age.
You flip burgers for a living -I haven't done that since I worked at Great Adventure back in the early 1980's
I have been having VERY PAINFUL periods with heavy flow for about 18 months give or take. Last Thursday I had a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound and was told that I should have a hysterectomy to remove my uterus but leave my ovaries.
They found over a dozen uterine fibroids, all under 3 cm in size. The gyn said because they are so small I am not a good candidate for myomectomy. I am going to get a 2nd opinion in Atlanta, but in the mean time I have scheduled a D&C, hysteroscopy, and she said possible fibroid resection for 11/24/08.
My gynecologist explained to me that the reason for my protruding belly (My protruding belly bothers my mother and she keeps commenting on how fat I am getting) is that the uterus expands to accomodate the fibroids. Since they are so small this makes no sense to me. She said right now my uterus is equivalent to that of a 12-13 week pregnancy. This explains why none of my jeans fit right. :irked:
I can't believe I wasted so much time waiting for Mr. Right and now it's too late. :cry: She said since I still have plenty of eggs even if I were to become pregnant naturally chances are I would miscarry because the uterine fibroids would make my womb an unstable and hostile environment for a fetus. In addition if I were to go to a fertility clinic, because of my age they would probably insist on my using donor eggs. Hello! I don't want someone elses baby I want my own!!! To say I am not happy right now doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.
Glossary of Gynecologic Terms Used Above:
For those clueless about the female anatomy, the uterus IS the womb. By removing the uterus you remove ALL chance for carrying a child.
A minor operation in which the cervix is expanded enough (dilation) to permit the cervical canal and uterine lining to be scraped with a spoon-shaped instrument called a curette (curettage).
Hysteroscopy: The insertion of a long, thin, lighted telescope-like instrument, called a hysteroscope, through the cervix and into the uterus to examine the inside of the uterus. Hysteroscopy can be used to both diagnose and surgically treat uterine conditions.
Fibroid resection or Hysteroscopic myomectomy - Just as with a standard hysteroscope, the resectoscope is inserted through the cervix. Because it goes through the cervix, it is not necessary to make an incision. Procedures using the resectoscope are done in an operating room setting, such as in an outpatient surgery center. This can at times be done under local anesthesia, but most women prefer to be completely asleep with general anesthesia.
Uterine fibroid embolization (also known as uterine artery embolization) -
represents a fundamentally new approach to the treatment of fibroids. Embolization is a minimally invasive means of blocking the arteries that supply blood to the fibroids. It is a procedure that uses angiographic techniques (similar to those used in heart catheterization) to place a catheter into the uterine arteries. Small particles are injected into the arteries, which results in the blockage of the arteries feeding the fibroids. This technique is essentially the same as that used to control bleeding that occurs after birth or pelvic fracture, or bleeding caused by malignant tumors. The procedure was first used in fibroid patients in France as a means of decreasing the blood loss that occurs during myomectomy. It was discovered that after the embolization, while awaiting surgery, many patient's symptoms went away and surgery was no longer needed. The blockage of the blood supply caused degeneration of the fibroids and this resulted in resolution of their symptoms. This has led to the use of this technique as a stand-alone treatment for symptomatic fibroids.