On my conclusions and thoughts

My last post was a bit of a rambling mess. In this post I'm going to try to tighten it up a bit and focus on what I took away from the relationships I've observed.

After having witnessed several bad relationships I came to think of an analogy or metaphor for relationships. With a bit of more thought I realized that it could also be extended to encompass all of life.

This is more of a thought experiment than any attempt at a unified theory about life! I am sure that the analogy is flawed in some way, but bear with me.

I call it the "Blackjack Analogy", and it goes something like this:

Imagine that you and "Life" are the only two people in a small, dark room. You are sitting at a Blackjack table and Life is the dealer.

You make your bet: time, money, emotional investment, mental wellbeing, etc. Then Life starts dealing you cards.

The goal of Blackjack or 21 is to have cards to a value as close to 21 as possible. If the total value of your cards is over 21 you lose.

Life deals you a 3. This is a really shitty card. We're looking at a terrible relationship, a really crappy job, a toxic friendship or something similar. It's a no-brainer to draw another card because you can't possibly lose.

Life hands you a 10. It's a decent card, but nothing special. However, considering that you want to be as close to 21 as possible and you have a total of 13 then you still have quite a ways to go. It gets tricky now, though. If you draw another 10 or a Jack, King etc. your total will be 23 and you'll lose.

This is where people get scared. They cling to something familiar. They're in a relationship they don't really want to be in. They have a job they're not comfortable with but that pays well, etc. They sense that things could end badly.

You could choose to stop at 13, but you're unlikely to win in the long run, though. The dealer, Life, will most likely end up with a higher number than yours, and in the end you'll most likely be unhappy because of it.

This is where I think more people should take the plunge and signal Life for another card.

Two things can happen here: you land somewhere decently close to 21 and stop there, satisfied with life, although perhaps just occasionally feeling tiny, niggling doubt. But then, who is truly free from doubt? In fact, I think a lot of problems stem from people who all to easily dismiss doubt, instead of considering the issue that makes them usnure.

The other thing that can happen is that you "lose". What does that mean? Well, whatever you bet is gone. The time you put into the dating scene, for instance, is gone. The emotional investment in a person you thought was special is tossed aside, money spent. Maybe you become burnt from too much drama, maybe you become burnt out and just don't want to deal with people for a while.

It can be really rough, from what I've seen, but as long as you're still alive, I'm sure you'll be able to pick yourself back up and sooner or later go back to the table, make another bet and start over again.

This analogy also works with the variants of Blackjack wherein the dealer (Life) hands you two cards at the start. What that means is that you might get a Blackjack on your first try, and all is well. You found your "soulmate", your dream job, etc.

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts about this analogy! Perhaps corrections to it, or even expansions?

From my observations, I came to another conclusion: the best relationships are most likely those that are more than the sum of their parts.

The "1+1=3"-principle.

I think that the best types of relationships are those wherein the two partners are people who are complete within themselves. That is to say that they are people who are comfortable with themselves, confident in their own abilities and in general emotionally mature and secure.

But then, together, the chemistry between them will improve the quality of life that they share. Not lift it from bad to good, but from good to better.

Why not 1+1=2? Because to me that implies that there is nothing interesting going on between the two. There is no spark or chemistry. Basically, these are two people masturbating next to each other.

1+1=3 implies to me that the relationship has become more than the sum of its parts. These are people who function just fine, good even, on their own, but become better because of the person they want to share their life with.

Then there's the 0,5+0,5=1 relationship. From what I've seen these are always bad. A good friend of mine basically became an alcoholic after each breakup because he just couldn't cope with being on his own. He needed somebody, he needed a reason, and that reason to be a person, to shape up. It was kinda depressing to watch. He's currently dating a much younger girl, and I'm a bit worried what might happen if (or more likey when) they break up.

To be completely clear, these are just my thoughts and conclusions and in no way do I make any assumptions that these are the absolute truth.

I would love to hear what you folks might make of this, and if your experiences match, or greatly diverge from, the stuff that I have discussed here.

Comments

HunggGreek;bt111083 said:
Someone give me another Life card!

That's the beauty of it: the dealer, Life, won't make a move until you signal that you want another card. That is to say you have to take action to progress.

The onus is on you. Nobody else is going to "fix your life".
 

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