On my desire for control

After writing my last post I reflected on what I had written. I discovered that I wanted to expand on the things I had discussed.

It would be easy to look at what I had written and simply say "Well, that's just a kink he has" but I think there may be more to it than that.

Basically, what I aim to do in this post is to answer the following question: why am I attracted to the concept of the sexually submissive woman?

My broodings on this subject gave me a few answers, but I realized that they all shared the same root: lack of experience. Lack of experience in romantically interacting with women, lack of sexual experience. In short, while I may have a decent grasp on the theory, I just haven't had any practice.

So what where the answers? They were as follows:

Firstly, it seems like a juvenile power fantasy. What straight or bisexual man doesn't want a woman, or several women, at their beck and call? Who doesn't want to just snap their fingers and get a blowjob, or whatever?

Having little real experience of real women this honestly doesn't seem like a totally unrealistic answer. However, I must admit that I do not like the thought that I would let myself be controlled by such immature drives.

Another answer, which is also related to inexperience, was the conquering of fear. As I have discussed previously, women intimidate me. A part of me maybe thinks that if a woman submits to me, and I am "in charge", then I need not fear women anymore. Why fear that which has submitted to you?

This is not really that far separated from the alternative answer, and thus not completely unrealistic. Again, I don't like the implications. It makes me out to be some kind of paranoid, conquering warlord. Or just a sexist, chauvanist pig.

While thinking about these answers, a related thought struck me.

With this discussion it feels like more than just trying to find an answer. It feels as if I'm trying to diagnose and cure an incorrect condition. That is to say, it feels as I'm trying to find out why the concept of the sexually submissive woman attracts me so that I may stop feeling that attraction.

In other words, some part of me feels that I am wrong to feel this way.

Why?

It's the cognitive dissonance again. I can't really have accepted both views: the strong, independent woman and the woman who willingly and eagerly submits to me. And this schism is causing me distress.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Is it social pressure? Is it because I have really tried to be progressive, and then suddenly found this facet of myself, that I feel this conflicted?

Is it because that in this enlightened age of equality actually desiring a sexually submissive woman goes against everything we're taught to believe, think and desire?

I'm so fucking confused.

Comments

Maybe it's the desire to take that strong independent woman and bring out that submissive side just for you ;)
 

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Zorgolio
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