On My Mind

I've got so much stuff on my mind these days but I've been keeping alot to myself and keeping it locked inside. For me, that's not a good thing to do. Stresses me when I can't voice or express what/how I feel about something. I think I just didn't want to bring things up...IDK. I feel like I've become no longer interesting or something, am I saying this right? Because really, I can only tell someone that I miss them so many times or let them know that I think about 'em and I really feel like they don't give a shit. I've tried to get back to that place where we were...I miss those old times. Another thing that I didn't like a few weeks ago (but I didn't say anything) was how a line was drawn in the sand and a hand put up and basically told, not beyond this point. I feel like at that time I had no say in the matter. Like the rules were made for me. If that makes any sense. I love how we can overcome things but I just feel......IDK...like I'm not being allowed to give my all...or something. Maybe I should say the hell with it all and just go to school and focus on that and that alone. The bigger part of me doesn't want to. I care for him and I do know that he cares for me......maybe I'm just conflicted...somehow...IDK I don't mean to offend or anything like that but I do feel that I matter...my feelings matter...just as much as the next person. Maybe I should just sleep on it all or pay no mind to any of it or just roll over and be gone...IDK I'm so fucking conflicted and other than this blog, don't wanna talk about it...maybe I'm scared....maybe I'm afraid...maybe I already know the answers.... and why the fuck am I crying over it?

Comments

This is a blog I could have written myself tonight.... I'm so sorry.... sorry for me too.
 
I feel for you, I really do but you gotta concentrate on whats in front of you. Put your all into your schooling, learn as much as you can. Nobody can ever take that away from you. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't let what anybody thinks,says or does deter you from what and where you want to be. I've read some of your stuff and believe me when I tell you, you've got a damn good head on your shoulders. Keep your head up. Life will get better. You helped motivate me so now I am returning the favor. In spite of our age differance, I learned from you! Thank you. I try to remain teachable but sometimes its hard.
 
Don't cry.. I bet that person does care what you think and say. I'm sure when you send little notes it puts a smile on their face. Always remember you are the most important person, to yourself, first. I have learned that there are many different levels of freindship and the key to enjoying each one is to understand the level at which that freindship exists. That's not a bad thing it just makes a lot of questions and frustrations go away. Remember that person in your life that goes to the cemetery and how strong that person is. Reach inside and I bet you will find that person in you.. I am thinking of you and how special you are..
 
Bullshit is the conclusion I've come to. Maybe that's a defense mechanism or putting up a wall. idk. My heart tells me one thing. My mind makes another decision. But most of all women's intuition. Like I said MY feelings matter too and for me the control is being maneuvered by someone else. Like I'm a back burner kinda bitch and I'm not. Deuces....
 

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SprinkleMe69
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