On sexual openness and the apparent cost thereof

In my mind, sex is a good thing.

It exists in many variations: casual carnality, or the sating of purely physical lust; the physical expression of emotional attachment, love and devotion; friendly, open and non-exclusive experimentation; etc. etc.

It thus follows that I appreciate people who are comfortable speaking openly about the topic.

I'll admit that, sexually frustrated and inexperienced as I am, there is a certain aspect of vicarious living and voyeurism in discussing the topic of sex with others.

However, aside from that I just find it to be a very interesting topic, and I enjoy discussing it.

In time, I've come to notice a slightly distressing pattern when it comes to those that I know who feel comfortable speaking openly about sex.

There always seems to be a "price".

Now, I'll state it clearly here: this is all based on relatively few instances, but since these instances also make up 100% of the sample group, I couldn't help but start thinking about it. That is to say, the paying of this "price" is something I have seen in everybody with whom I've spoken openly about sex.

What is this "price", then?

Well, to me, it always seems that the people with whom I've spoken openly about sex have either been slightly "broken" in some way, been through unfortunate circumstances or something similar.

It seems, to me, that completely bog-standard "normal" people are never as comfortable talking about sex as people who, in some way, are carrying scars.

I started thinking about this unfortunate pattern, and currently I've really only come up with one fairly vague conclusion.

In many cultures, sex is a bit taboo. We have the stereotypical parents going nutty worrying that their children, almost regardless of age, are having sex. It has a strange role in movies. Censorship. Etc.

Breaking taboo always seems to come at a cost. Thus, breaking the taboo and bringing sex out of the bedroom (as a topic of conversation at least) has a price as well.

But then, the order is a bit messed up in this "chicken and egg"-situation. You don't break the taboo and then pay the price. To me it seems that you at one point paid the price, and then felt it was easier to break the taboo.

I think it is a question of maturity. Whatever the price that was paid, the end result is (usually) a loss of innocence and a realization that you can't go back to simpler times. Thus, when moving ahead, you leave the things of old behind, for instance the social construct that sex is something that is taboo.

A simple way to put it would be "no pain, no gain", I suppose. By going through hardship (relatively) you come out wiser and more emotionally mature. Hopefully. The scars remain, though.

What are your thoughts and experiences regarding this?

Comments

You have an amazing point here. I've been aware of the "price" you speak of for a long time. There's been countless situations where I'm conditioned to wonder what the catch is when I learn somebody sexual about a person that doesn't conform to a neat sexual explanation.

I wish I had more to say to challenge the idea, but I'm lost for a full response. I know that I wish it wasn't that way, so that sexuality couldn't be explained away by some hardship or aberrant event versus just saying a person is who they are, likes what they like, does what they do because that's them.
 
yup. people who don't know any better usually don't talk openly because they don't have the story to tell. these people have fewer scars in life. much like somebody who doesn't gamble or play the stock market or invest any money is certain to have fewer financial losses. there are risk takers and non risk takers in the world. the people who have scars have them because they experienced something that didn't go well. for every scar that they have that the other people don't though, they also have an amazing memory of something that DID go well. i don't think people talk and are open BECAUSE of scars, i think they have scars because they are adventerous, open minded people.
 
Very good points, I guess all of us need to have the sexual experiences , and learn from them , as taboo does not good .
 

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Zorgolio
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