Online Dating: Friend or Foe

Online Dating: Friend or Foe

I have noticed that the people who say you shouldn't use the net to meet people for a relationship are usually between 18 and 26 years of age. While I have yet to do so successfully I know plenty of people who have found love online.

IMHO, age makes a difference. If you are still attending college you have an endless supply of dating possibilities at your fingertips.

As we age, meeting new people becomes increasingly difficult. Online dating sites, while flawed (some more than others) are the most viable alternative for many of us.

Meeting men at work has never really been an option for me as I am a Museum Educator. Not too many straight men work in museums. :redface: When working for the public school system I found that the only single men were the music and art teachers; who at the elementary level are almost always gay. :rolleyes: Principals and vice principals are often straight; but married.

Besides which, for every "I met my soulmate at work story" there are five about the nightmare that ensued when they broke up. Fraternizing between the ranks is rarely encouraged even in a corporate environment.

So what's left for those of us who would just as soon walk on hot coals as spend another evening in a smokey over crowded bar?

I didn't realize this until a few months ago; but my activities/hobbies are of a solitary nature. For instance, I enjoy swimming, skiing, walking. Not sure if that's because I'm an only child or if it's totally unconnected. I think it's connected.

I realized early in life that I could either sit home, or get up, get out; and do something fun . . . alone. I sometimes wonder/worry that I have cultivated an aura of independence which also says, stay at arms length, I am independent and I don't need anyone. I hope not, but you never know. :redface::cool:

Comments

I understand exactly what you're saying. I tried online dating once at Match.com. I met a guy, we went out, but he was expecting to laid, and I wasn't having it. It was to me just a date (but not like a real, real date), just a meeting to see if there was something there. My mother says I'm very independent, which I am. I don't like to ask for things, maybe that's pride. But it is hard to get out there and meet guys if you're so used to being alone. I'm an only child too, and i'm so used to just being by myself. I mean I have friends, but I feel like an impostor most of the time, like i'm trying to hard to fit in, when really i'm not. But I believe if i'm meant to be with someone it'll happen...then again i can't sit on my butt and wait for him to come along. New year's resolution: stop sitting home daydreaming and make the dream into reality.
 
But I believe if i'm meant to be with someone it'll happen No if for me! I know, I am not meant to live out my days alone. ...then again i can't sit on my butt and wait for him to come along. Amen sister, I hear you. New year's resolution: stop sitting home daydreaming and make the dream into reality. That's going to be my New Year's Eve Resolution as well. :cool:
 
I'm an only child too and developed "solitary" interests as well. However, I am fortunate to now live in a city that has a number of social clubs that I am involved with. Most people in those clubs are single, and most are in their twenties, thirties and forties. (Now I'm in my forties, and the guys in their twenties may consider me too old, although I don't consider them to be too young. heehee....) I haven't dated anyone from the clubs, but I do a lot of activities, especially with one of the clubs.

I can't afford to be in Match.com or anything like that now. You can't email members without being a paying member. And really, I want to get my act back together again with my career before I think of seriously dating. However, I still have needs, and I have found that AdultFriendFinder lets women send a limited number of emails to members. I'm under no illusions that this will result in anything more than a "Friends with benefits" kind of situation, but that's really all I'm prepared to do at this time. Now, when I get my career back on track, that may change.

Plus, I've found, during the time I did look at ads on Match.com and others, that I met the requirements of very, very few men (I have better luck with AdultFriendFinder!) I'm too fat for the ones who like slim women, and too slim for the ones who like BBW's. I am not "feminine" enough (have always been a tomboy, although I have developed an interest in fashion and beauty in adulthood...). I am too liberal politically. I do not want children. I have a cat. (Honestly! I found one guy who was great otherwise - liberal, ok with my body type, didn't want kids - then he says he hates cats! Sigh...)

I think I have a better chance with my clubs for a serious relationship, although honestly I have not met anyone compatible there either (usually the part about me being "too liberal" is the problem there...or them being "too conservative" if we want to word it that way.) Meanwhile I'll just have as much fun as I can in my clubs and meet people from AdultFriendFinder if I like them enough for a friends with benefits... But hopefully I will find someone for something more serious someday - someday soon since I'm 44!
 
I wouldn't mind working at a museum.

Also, lots of people advise against internet dating. Ignorance isn't restricted to a certain age set. There's nothing wrong with it, and if it works for you, great. I know quite a few older people who don't think of internet dating as acceptable. Usually these are the kinds of people who have never owned a personal computer before or don't really understand how to use them, or they have been out of the dating game for 20 years.
 
I wouldn't mind working at a museum.

Also, lots of people advise against internet dating. Ignorance isn't restricted to a certain age set. There's nothing wrong with it, and if it works for you, great. I know quite a few older people who don't think of internet dating as acceptable. Usually these are the kinds of people who have never owned a personal computer before or don't really understand how to use them, or they have been out of the dating game for 20 years.
 
This is really a very interesting topic to me.

Like you, njqt466, I find myself wondering whether or not internet dating is something I should look into. I fit right into that age bracket of people who say it's "not acceptable", but I'm not so quick to judge. I'm a single 20 year old guy who can't stand picking up drunk chicks in bars and I refuse to go to clubs to watch whiny girls shake their ass for fun, much less for a serious relationship.

I act like a gentleman to all the women in my life, and treat them with respect, which means I get the "i like you but just as friends" thing a lot. A good friend of mine has had very good success with internet dating, and is considering marrying the girl he met on match.com several years ago. He recommended I check it out, since he knows I appear to be perpetually single, but I can't follow through with it.

Like you, I enjoy doing a lot of activities by myself, things like snowboarding, biking and building things. I enjoy good food, and go to many fine restaurants alone, which seems to be quite rare for someone my age. However I grew up in a large family, with 5 siblings so I don't see a connection there.

I sometimes wonder what kind of girls I would find on an online dating site, and would they be my type, etc. Its hard to tell without trying it, completely, I'm just trying to get myself over the mindset that internet dating is a real tool to helping you find a partner in life..
 
Meeting people online isn't for me, I prefer the pub, but I don't know why online dating has such a bad reputation, it has its pitfalls but so does any way of meeting. As long as you use the safety rules you'd use in real life it shouldn't be any more problematic, I think some of the problems come in because in real life if someone lies to you they're on the spot and you can judge their reactions, on the net they have time to think up a plausible lie and people are more prone to give them the benefit of the doubt as they can easily put it down to a misinterpretation of what was typed.
 
Posted at 03:15 AM by BJH: Friend, if your looking to get laid. One-third of women that are online put out on the first date. - Uhm that wasn't exactly a fact filled article. I doubt the researchers took a proper sampling. Regardless of what they do down under, first date sex is just not my thing. I tried it once and ended up dating the guy for 18 months. :tongue:

Posted at 03:31 AM by SpoiledPrincess: Meeting people online isn't for me, I prefer the pub, but I don't know why online dating has such a bad reputation, it has its pitfalls but so does any way of meeting. I think it gets a bad rep because of the few whackos that make the news. You know the ones where they meet for dinner, dancing whatever, then 2 weeks later he has chopped her up and left her dead in a ditch. As long as you use the safety rules you'd use in real life it shouldn't be any more problematic.I agree. I am sometimes overly cautious in screening men I meet online. Better safe than sorry though.

Posted at 02:31 AM by chill4d: This is really a very interesting topic to me. Like you, njqt466, I find myself wondering whether or not internet dating is something I should look into. Yes, you should try it. If only to see what it's like. It can't hurt and it might help. I sometimes wonder what kind of girls I would find on an online dating site, and would they be my type, etc. Its hard to tell without trying it, completely, I'm just trying to get myself over the mindset that internet dating is a real tool to helping you find a partner in life...I know of 3 people in real life who met the person they eventually married online. One couple met back in the early 90's when internet dating was still in it's infancy. So anything is possible.

Posted by NineInchCock_160IQ: I wouldn't mind working at a museum. Perhaps, I'm wrong but I doubt it. :biggrin1: If a man like you were working at a Smithsonian Museum getting a woman would be like shooting fish in a barrel.Also, lots of people advise against internet dating. Ignorance isn't restricted to a certain age set. This is true I was referring more to the opinions I had noticed on this site. There's nothing wrong with it, and if it works for you, great. I know quite a few older people who don't think of internet dating as acceptable. Usually these are the kinds of people who have never owned a personal computer before or don't really understand how to use them, or they have been out of the dating game for 20 years. Exactly! I have noticed this as well.

Posted by whatireallywant: I want to get my act back together again with my career before I think of seriously dating. I thought about that, but the truth is by the time I get my ducks in a row I could be dead. However, I still have needs, and I have found that AdultFriendFinder lets women send a limited number of emails to members. I'm under no illusions that this will result in anything more than a "Friends with benefits" kind of situation, but that's really all I'm prepared to do at this time. AFF scares me for some reason. :redface: Also I have done the FWB and FB thing. It was okay but always left me feeling empty not fulfilled emotionally or mentally. For me that's not healthy. If you can do that without issues, then more power to you. However, I am not only ready for more, I need more.
Plus, I've found, during the time I did look at ads on Match.com and others, that I met the requirements of very, very few men. I'm too fat for the ones who like slim women, and too slim for the ones who like BBW's. I have the same problem, hence I know longer prowl match.com or the other dating sites. Through this site I have learned that I fit the category men call"Thick" which many men seem to like. :smile: I think I have a better chance with my clubs for a serious relationship, Really? At a sex club? Is there a lot of talking going on? although honestly I have not met anyone compatible there either (usually the part about me being "too liberal" is the problem there...or them being "too conservative" if we want to word it that way.) Why would that even come up in a sex club situation? I think you may be revealing to much of your self too soon. I don't think you should lie, but dispense personal information in dribs and drabs. Meanwhile I'll just have as much fun as I can in my clubs and meet people from AdultFriendFinder if I like them enough for a friends with benefits... But hopefully I will find someone for something more serious someday - someday soon since I'm 44! Good Luck with that! I'm only a few years younger than you and pickings are slim in my area.
 
NJQT,

I thought you quit the museum scene years ago! I have worked in the museum field my entire career and I think you may be close to right but I can tell you that on any day If I so chose I have nice, quiet scholarly men who ask me out to lunch. As for NIC and SI, what do you mean about shooting fish in a barrel? There are many women who might be attracted to him but then there also might be many men....:biggrin1:
 
Naughty, It's true I haven't worked in a museum since mid 2001. But I have always missed it. Museum work and the arts feed my soul, my spirit; and my inner muse. :smile:

Even when the directors an ass and the board is full of wealthy, blow hards who wouldn't know real art if it came up and bit them in the butt; I enjoy the work. :redface: If only it paid a liveable wage . . . :rolleyes:
 
I wasn't referring to a sex club in my previous comment. I am not really in a sex club, although I'm in some groups through AFF. I was referring to a social activity group that does things like hiking, dinners, happy hours, parties, team sports, etc. etc... Probably most of the people in that club are too conservative for me to date, but I still like going to the events to just have fun. Not ALL of my activities are related to sex, you know! :biggrin1:

I'm open to a long term relationship but I'm ok with the FWB thing too. And yes, I can do that without issues - I've done it before. I went that route partly because it'd been 6 years since I'd had sex and it really didn't look like it was going to be anytime soon otherwise, and also because with AFF I can actively look for a guy who is well endowed. Can't exactly do that in my social clubs or Match.com! :biggrin1:
 
NJQT,

I guess it depends upon your position and which institution you work for, mydear. Also what you personally call a liveable wage. One man's meat is another's sawdust...
 
Come on AFF? thats for when you just want to fuck,seriously!
I still get emails for Eddy,from men mostly, even though he's married now! They could care less,"bring the wife,will she participate"? haha! they wish!
Match has worked for me twice,as you know nj,
Two marriages! from an online dating site,what the hell is wrong with that?
I always thought ,that was the "goal".
Plus if nothing else,I ended up with a ton of guys to go do things with.
cigarbabe:saevil:
 

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