Porn / Erotica Addiction Realized : Day Zero, back to happy land

It is never easy to admit defeat but I think it is about time that I do. I am losing the game, match, battle for my true happiness and sanity. I justify my loss as a lesser of two evils but the two evils are not my only choice. As dramatic as this might sound, I believe I am addicted to pornography as my only reliable source to "get off". It is sad but true.

I am in a committed and loving marriage with a kid and amazing support family. I have a great job, drive a great car and travel often. I cook, clean, do the dishes/laundry, take the kid to school, plan romantic getaways, work out often and generally lead a great life. Despite ALL these things that make me extremely grateful, I feel like I cannot use any of my resources as a sounding board to dig my way out of my sexual void, without being judged or persecuted for my current position. I fill this sexual void with random pornography, from Tumblr feeds and video sites to just reading through the throngs of Craislist want ads. What am I looking for OR trying to fill? I want to be wanted again. I want to be with someone that actively loves, understands the give and take while being curious enough to explore. I already have this someone, my wife, but I cannot seem to get that sexually vivacious person back. I say "actively loves", because too many times people passively want their spouse to be happy but do little to nothing to make them happy. I am probably at fault in the same sense of not being actively present in my marriage as I should and because of this, I need to make some changes.

Today is day zero. As of today I will do the following:


  1. Stop searching for and looking at pornography
    I don't think pornograpyh is inherently bad, but as someone pointed out, just like alcohol, too much can be detrimental. So, cold turkey it is. I have thought about a potential outlet (soft core images, something like Literotica, etc.) versus cold turkey but at the moment, All or nothing…I believe this should be my goal.
  • Report back to this blog daily
    Daily is a must! I will try and outline my progress, my daily thoughts, motivation and side activities that take me away from the dirty dirty!
  • Actively engage my wife
    This is somewhat ambiguous but its intention is to plan romance, intimate times, sharing times, etc. This could be planning a date night to taking her lingerie shopping…
  • Masturbate for me or with "her"
    Usually masturbation is accompanied with visual stimulation of some sort (video - images). Masturbating for me is more of a tantric thought on self exploration. A massage if you will, concentrate on pleasing my body, not just my cock. The with "her" means that if I need to concentrate on something, it should be on my wife. We are not in an open relationship so concentrating on being titty-fucked is pointless...
  • Replace the triggers
    Yes, the triggers will come. Someone will say Katy Perry and I will think breasts > nipples > braless > bouncing > titty fuck….and so on. I need to curb this thought process because it can only lead to one thing, sexual cravings that cannot necessarily be met and a hand down my pants. Sorry Katy for using you as an example, you are more than just breasts. You are like the singing Jenny McCarthy. So, I am going to replace the triggers with other thoughts, distractions or in my case…push ups and making more money. I might be buff and rich by the end of this...

I am not doing this because porn is a sin, I don't believe that it is. I am not doing this because God or some holy creature/man/spaghetti monster will ban me from their heaven if I don't stop enjoying myself and life. I am not doing this because I hate porn or think anyone in the porn industry is ruining "marriage". I don't believe porn is the issue, I believe my view and societies view of sex is skewed and I need to take a few steps back and reevaluate my situation with a clean mind.

I am doing this because I care about my happiness and always want more of it. The grass is greener where you water and fertilize it! Ultimately, I am doing this because I love my wife, kid, family and friends. In the end, I will not label myself a recovering porn addict but rather a guy that better understands how to be sexually happy.

Onward to a better understanding of sex and myself.

Mr. G

PS. I have obviously made my business public BUT I would prefer positive, non-religious, non-judgemental feedback / support. If you can support in that way, fantastic! If you can't help but be crappy, well, do your worst!

Comments

Happy Zero-Day!

Rule number 2 to me would be the hardest! Some days I get down and don't feel like logging in.
I forget I have support here. But once I log in, it only takes a few moments before I'm grinning again.

You have thought long and hard and listing all the reasons why you are doing this strengthens your conviction to change.
We get bogged down by habits and it takes a burning desire to grow. This well-written manifesto of yours is proof that you've got the dedication.
Logging in every day will help remind you of your new habit, plus I've subscribed and I want to hear more!


“For all things difficult to acquire, the intelligent man works with perseverance.” -- Lao Tzu
 
Congratulations, and you have my sincere admiration for being so frank about something that has begun to concern me deeply as well. I can tell by the introspection, you have given this some serious thought and applaud you for recognizing your "triggers." That concept hadn't occurred to me, except I realize every time I sit down at the computer, my left hand goes straight to my crotch even if I'm not looking at porn. The computer appears to be my trigger. I really don't use it at home for anything other than the occasional e-mail, online bill paying/banking, and to look at porn or read erotic stories or find a new tumblr. I don't do Facebook, etc.

My life has all the bells and whistles I could ask for, but it's definitely my relationship that needs work. I realize all of this porn/erotica is just fantasy, and "just a few more minutes" and "let me click on this, it might be really hot" is time that is truly, truly wasted. That is not what I want.

Thanks again, and I really appreciate everything you said. It has been helpful.
DP
 
Hi
I am an addicted life long masturbator


I am 55 yr old nudist and a proud addicted chronic lifelong masturbator here

love group wanking ever since I wanked with other boys in my dormitory at boarding school

i love wanking on a nude gay beach and wanking on cam for other men to enjoy

especially love wanking with other chronic wankers all cocks out together wanking and watching each other wank together

Even when I was married I would prefer to masturbate than have sex , I openly masturbated in front of her and admitted I was an addicted masturbator that couldn't stop wanking

A Proud life long chronic addicted masturbator
Guy
 

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