Post-Inventory Woes

Well, my determination to get into shape got off to a glorious start on Day 1 (last Thursday). Sadly, Day 2 (Friday) was considerably less than glorious. It was a debacle!

I thought the best way to start was to go back to my old Army Reservist days where, every morning, we did at least forty sit-ups in two minutes, six chin-ups and then a five kilometre (approximately two miles) run in less than 20 minutes. I resolved to urge my 15-year old son - one of the world's truly great couch potatoes! - to join me on the fitness journey.

The sit-ups were a breeze and I derived some malicious satisfaction from the degree of difficulty my son experienced. The chin-ups were more of a challenge. I managed just the two very shaky and energy-sapping complete lifts. My son refused to even contemplate them and he also gave me his blessing to go for the run on my own!

The run went okay and I was home in just under twenty minutes - a bit puffed and red in the face. Only problem was I set off wearing boxers under my shorts and my balls felt decidedly ill-used by the time I reached home! Next time it will be briefs or a jock.

So I went to bed on Thursday night feeling incredibly virtuous for having made a good start. I'm sure I probably dreamed the night away with visions of myself as a complete Adonis by mid-November.

It was no Adonis who rose from my bed the following morning. I awoke feeling as though several large trucks had repeatedly parked on my stomach during the night. I walked on very rubbery legs to the bathroom in order to relieve the usual morning piss-hard, and then I cautiously entered the shower in the hope that a good stream of hot water might loosen me up a bit.

The shower helped a bit but I had cause to regret those chin-ups when time came to apply shampoo and conditioner. My shoulders screamed in protest at the mere prospect of elevating my hands so high! I managed only by hunching myself down like Quasimodo and bringing my head to my hands rather than the other way round.

All too late I remembered the cautions preached in my youth. If you want to acquire a good suntan, don't do too much too soon. It's the same with exercise and I was feeling badly burned.

Solution? I cycled - slowly - to the gym, swam a few laps and sat in the spa till I could no longer stand the chlorine smell. I endured the sauna for a while, then showered and rode back home feeling somewhat better.

Before I forget - having read a great many related comments on this site - I can confirm that absolutely no-one at my gym was wearing a jockstrap and I was one of only three guys (all of us past fifty) who wore Speedos in the pool. And, yes, there is some new-age anti-nudity thing going on in the change-rooms, especially among the young guys.

I respect other people's right to privacy and, if wearing swimwear in the shower is someone's preference, then I respect that too. I must say, however, that the lengths to which some guys go in order to be covered at all times borders on the absurd!
It's a change-room, for God's sake, and it's a shower. I'm there neither to exhibit nor to inspect, but I felt like a show-off and a Peeping Tom suspect for daring to shower naked!

Anyway, I managed to survive Friday somehow. I suspect I may have been somewhat terser than usual with clients that day, but maybe they didn't notice. I received absolutely no sympathy from the two kids still at home - they smugly pointed out how fit and well they were, having avoided injury on the school bus and while surfing the internet and watching television!

On Friday evening I just did a few stretches and went for a long walk along the beach opposite my house. By Saturday night, I was feeling much better and went back to the sit-ups and running routine at a less hectic pace.

The only dark cloud on the horizon was an old promise to attend a dinner party that night. I dread these occasions because I know that well-meaning friends are always hoping to set me up with some "wonderful" unattached female.

Most of my friends remain married - to their original partners - but a few are divorced or, like me, widowed (widdowered?) Even though I've made it reasonably plain that I'm happy to remain single, some friends remain unconvinced. Maybe I need to be blunt and tell them I'm available for uncomplicated sex and nothing more. If they want to line up bed-partners for me, I won't object!

Tonight's hostess - Pam - is in her early forties, a widow and childless. I'm told she's a great cook and excellent company. I think that's morse code for "she's looking for a husband and you'd be crazy not to snap her up!" Pam has been part of the group at several parties and dinners I've attended over the last year or so and she seems pleasant enough. Let's just hope only pleasantries are expected of me!

Comments

Great reality check here, man. And well written. Thanks for posting.

I'm doing my best to regain my high school weight. I ride bike to work or walk a mile plus to a bus stop during the work week, and try for a recreational ride on weekends. I have not found a gym routine that I can stick with at all (way too boring). so I'm learning that when I reach my high school weight (possible) the ratio of blubber to muscle will still be wanting. That gym routine will be important. I need a coach.

Hope the dinner party went well, and you got at least one evening's entertainment from it!
 

Blog entry information

Author
comically
Read time
4 min read
Views
202
Comments
1
Last update

More entries in General

More entries from comically

Share this entry