Psychotherapy: cancelling a session / ideas / boundaries

Yesterday I had my therapy session and I was in a very different mood as usual and discussed something that had been not finished from the previous session.

one of the things that came up during this session was about cancellation fees.
This was discussed when I first started with this therapist some years ago and yesterday he expressed more about this..

Part of the discussion from my part was learning about 'being professional'.
This is a big inner discussion/evolution/consciousness/painful awareness, for me.
What does all this mean, in short?

It had been going on for months now and actually extends back four or so years... but also covers other areas in my life and this in particular I find hard to keep typing about and discussing because there are so many associations to life now, life as a child, needs not met, ideas not discussed with professionals and life in general and how it deals something to us to learn by despite the fact that I for one have had enough but obviously not the truth because it keeps happening... it is a small belief of mine that something will keep occurring until I learn from it.. even if that is typing this blog and bashing psychotherapy and maybe it is that I need to learn to speak up or not be so nice or to learn to be assertive or speak up in the moment rather than 3 months, three years, forty years later...??

But first.. what do I mean by the word Professional?

To me, right now, a Professional is anyone that is offering/advertising a service for which they have had some training and/or experience in. This could mean University Training or 'they are good at what they do'. A person might be a good Home Mechanic, for instance.

It has taken me years to arrive at this point. To separate, slowly, those that advertise their services for reimbursement of some sort.

So in my session with my therapist, the idea of 'cancelling' a session and whether to pay or not or at what point does a person need to pay, for example: a therapy session.
My yoga course is pay as you go, if you book on line and then cancel you are charged regardless if the cancellation is not done in a certain period of time.
Another course I do, for movement, has been a very loose arrangement and it was only two months ago, after four years, that it was made clear to me that if I cancel I need to pay for the class anyway!! This had not been conveyed to me and maybe it is because of my understanding of German but non the less, after much agony and feeling bad.. I arrived at the point that it was never explained to me clearly. People can talk some English or send emails and I can translate them!!!??

For whatever reason this all piled on top of me and finally exploded.

With the therapist, I found out after a few years... that they never bring up cancellation fees with their clients until that moment arrives. It was explained to me, that because I brought it up, then it was discussed whereas they normally wait to see how the client is with cancelling sessions!!

I said that I would like to know up front and think that is the right thing to do. My therapist disagreed!
It is his business not mine.

Part of this learning right now for me, the game, is to be more conscious and speak up. I hate this learning. It is painful. I often feel like I'm demanding too much. I am pushing the other person. Sometimes, it feels like I'm ripping their heart out.
BUT.. it is actually necessary for me to learn this. To be more aware. Outspoke is good when compared to bottling it all up and me ending up sick some time down the track.
Also, it is for me about boundaries.

To be clear, on one hand I'm making this into a mountain... but I can honestly say I was so fucked off with my other course when I found out that: you need to pay whether you attend or not.
This is how most courses here are dealt with. Some will give you a certain time limit to cancel within and then if you cancel after that date/time then you pay something or if you don't turn up on the day, you lose your money.

So what is my point?

I'm learning about Professionalism; the hard way.

Why is this a theme for me?

Well... one aspect and quite unspoken is that I've been dealing with wishy washy people for quite some time and I myself don't like discussing money or some other things!!! So I let it slide (this is clearly my fault) and some others have let it slide also.

Professionalism ... so part of my development journey as been and related to therapy ... that I see a therapist (realising this after forty years) and thinking 'I'm doing therapy' but somehow end up not being happy at the time or some time later... but not knowing why.. and .. in the mean time I talk to others about my life.. because I'm feeling depressed, etc., etc., and looking for answers and then I get an answer but don't follower through then some people don't talk to me anymore and then I'm more depressed..

What I realise(d) now is that the people I'm chatting to outside of the 'professional realm' might have been therapists or a mechanic but I'm chatting to them as friends... I had never realised this myself.. this is new for me.
What changed? I saw the difference, if that makes sense.
The boundary.
I thought I was just venting or seeking as a needy person and they were trying to help, rather than just listen...

But this money for this course has almost killed me... because when I asked the organiser for information, I was only giving part information. grrrrrrrrrrr.... then my partner said: you have to ask them again otherwise they are getting away with bad behaviour..

This is when the word 'professional' came forth... I realised that actually some of these people, some of the past people.. that I was paying money to for a service.. had not acted professionally.. even if my expectations were super super high...

A family member, recently, put their car in to be fixed. The mechanic kept promising : yes, by the end of the week... in the end..he didn't fix the car and the family member took the car off this mechanic and had it fixed elsewhere.. I am still waiting to hear what was really wrong.. but non the less.. the car is back home and drivable and with a couple of minor things still not fixed but it works.
The mechanic that didn't fix the car.. gave all sorts of reasons why the car wasn't fixed or rather was taking so long to fix and this included information about his health and it wasn't just a "I am sorry but I have been seriously ill and not able to work at all"; it was a relaying of deeply personal information as to what was wrong with him (a problem with his testicles, apparently) which I reacted within and spoke up and basically: this is totally unprofessional!! Unless he is a personal friend, this much information is not required 'unprofessional'...

So how does one become more conscious and discuss these things?

Are we all on the same page when someone talks about their increasing Awareness of a situation or learning..

For instance... I've responded to other postings on lpsg about what to do with someone when they flirt or are showing more than a passing interest in you and they are, example, married and you are a single gay man... this type of learning of being involved with others can end up being painful beyond belief. I know from personal experience.


and so back to my reason for typing all this.. should a Therapist tell the client the basic rules of Paying and Cancelling on the first meeting or Wait until the topic arises?

My therapist seems to think it should be discussed when it comes up.
I believe it should be discussed as part of the Professionalism and process of exchange of money and time.
My experience now has turned out good and 'yes', maybe I should 'trust' the process... but that to me (today and may change over time) to wish washy.... One person might gain a lot from discussing: I you cancel under the following conditions, you will have to pay the full fee. Maybe this will give the person a sense of 'what a Professional' is like for the first time in their lives?

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