This topic may not be relevant to a lot of people, since it is a BDSM topic, but if you are into BDSM play, you may find this post helpful.
I have always had fantasies about being taken forcefully -- forced oral, vaginal, and anal sex fantasies have produced many a powerful orgasm for me during masturbation sessions.
When I got together with my current husband, ArtfulDominant, he admitted to being turned on by the idea of forcing a woman to have sex.
So, we basically agreed that under our Master/slave dynamic (in which I was to obey him in all things), if a time came when I really didn't want to have sex, it was pre-agreed that it was okay for him to force me.
I (and he) really assumed that if this happened, although I might resist at first, I would quickly become so turned on by the whole thing that all would be forgiven.
Boy, were we wrong.
One evening, he and I had fucked several times already, and were lying in bed together. I was very, very sore -- in those days we were having sex too often for me to heal and I would sometimes be sore even to the point of bleeding.
Anyway, he decided that he wanted to have sex again.
I most decidedly did not.
He began to mount me, and I looked him in the eyes and said, "Please, Master, I beg you -- don't do this!" Under our dynamic, I couldn't just say "no," and for some reason it never even occurred to me to use my safe word. I knew our pre-agreed-upon situation had arrived, and all I could do was plead for him to stop.
But he did not stop. He entered me forcefully and pumped me hard for a while. Then he stopped and pulled out. He never even came.
The whole time he was fucking me, the pain never turned to pleasure like it often does -- I was just too sore for it to be anything but pain. And I think he really didn't realize that I was incapable of getting into it.
When he had finished, I found that I didn't feel even remotely turned on -- I felt nothing but betrayal and anger.
Here was this man who supposedly loved me more than anything on earth, and I had begged him from the heart not to hurt me, and he had done it anyway.
With as much respect as I could still manage to muster, I said, "Master, forgive me for saying so, but that was really, really stupid."
I think that was the first moment he realized how angry I really was and that he had made a serious error.
After I had time to calm down, though, I really didn't blame him. We had set ourselves up for this experience by agreeing to "consensual nonconsent."
Some people think "consensual nonconsent" in a relationship is a good way to live out rape fantasies safely, but I found that in real life, there was nothing pleasurable about it, at least not for me.
We immediately revised our policy on "play-rape" and nothing like that has happened since -- our dynamic is different now anyway and I don't have to obey him in everything.
But I am posting our experience just in case others are considering trying a similar scenario.
I think one of the biggest problems with acting out some BDSM fantasies in a loving relationship is that the love and the brutality just don't mix.
In my fantasies, my Dominants are not nice guys, and we don't have a love relationship. They are there to use and humiliate me, plain and simple.
But I have learned that there are some ways I really just don't want to be used and humiliated in real life. I can't get into those scenes because I know my husband loves me and it is beyond my abilities to imagine him as nothing more than a sadist.
Don't get me wrong, he is a sadist, but he would never knowingly cause me real harm. The few times he has caused me harm, it has been because of miscommunication between us.
At first, I felt disappointed when I realized there was no way to act out my fantasies. But over time I realized that just because something is an enjoyable fantasy doesn't mean you need to make it happen for real.
Especially not rape.
I have always had fantasies about being taken forcefully -- forced oral, vaginal, and anal sex fantasies have produced many a powerful orgasm for me during masturbation sessions.
When I got together with my current husband, ArtfulDominant, he admitted to being turned on by the idea of forcing a woman to have sex.
So, we basically agreed that under our Master/slave dynamic (in which I was to obey him in all things), if a time came when I really didn't want to have sex, it was pre-agreed that it was okay for him to force me.
I (and he) really assumed that if this happened, although I might resist at first, I would quickly become so turned on by the whole thing that all would be forgiven.
Boy, were we wrong.
One evening, he and I had fucked several times already, and were lying in bed together. I was very, very sore -- in those days we were having sex too often for me to heal and I would sometimes be sore even to the point of bleeding.
Anyway, he decided that he wanted to have sex again.
I most decidedly did not.
He began to mount me, and I looked him in the eyes and said, "Please, Master, I beg you -- don't do this!" Under our dynamic, I couldn't just say "no," and for some reason it never even occurred to me to use my safe word. I knew our pre-agreed-upon situation had arrived, and all I could do was plead for him to stop.
But he did not stop. He entered me forcefully and pumped me hard for a while. Then he stopped and pulled out. He never even came.
The whole time he was fucking me, the pain never turned to pleasure like it often does -- I was just too sore for it to be anything but pain. And I think he really didn't realize that I was incapable of getting into it.
When he had finished, I found that I didn't feel even remotely turned on -- I felt nothing but betrayal and anger.
Here was this man who supposedly loved me more than anything on earth, and I had begged him from the heart not to hurt me, and he had done it anyway.
With as much respect as I could still manage to muster, I said, "Master, forgive me for saying so, but that was really, really stupid."
I think that was the first moment he realized how angry I really was and that he had made a serious error.
After I had time to calm down, though, I really didn't blame him. We had set ourselves up for this experience by agreeing to "consensual nonconsent."
Some people think "consensual nonconsent" in a relationship is a good way to live out rape fantasies safely, but I found that in real life, there was nothing pleasurable about it, at least not for me.
We immediately revised our policy on "play-rape" and nothing like that has happened since -- our dynamic is different now anyway and I don't have to obey him in everything.
But I am posting our experience just in case others are considering trying a similar scenario.
I think one of the biggest problems with acting out some BDSM fantasies in a loving relationship is that the love and the brutality just don't mix.
In my fantasies, my Dominants are not nice guys, and we don't have a love relationship. They are there to use and humiliate me, plain and simple.
But I have learned that there are some ways I really just don't want to be used and humiliated in real life. I can't get into those scenes because I know my husband loves me and it is beyond my abilities to imagine him as nothing more than a sadist.
Don't get me wrong, he is a sadist, but he would never knowingly cause me real harm. The few times he has caused me harm, it has been because of miscommunication between us.
At first, I felt disappointed when I realized there was no way to act out my fantasies. But over time I realized that just because something is an enjoyable fantasy doesn't mean you need to make it happen for real.
Especially not rape.