Random thoughts.

I was sitting on the main page of LPSG thinking about how bored I am and figured I'd blog. After all, it's something to do and I haven't done it in a while.

I read through my past couple blogs. The boyfriend and I are still together and still as happy as I was when I posted the blog about him. :smile: We've been together 2.5 years now. He's been living with me for 15 months and it's been great. We're still very much in love and still respectful of each other. We've never had an argument. We've each had our moments where we are less-than-pleased with each other, but that's about it. Those moments are usually fleeting and end with us hugging and kissing.

I'm still afraid of losing but it's not as bad as it was before. I still worry. I still have anxiety. I don't think about it as often though. As far as my fears about me personally dying, I'm taking steps to help make sure that I don't. I'm lifting weights a little and taking walks around the neighborhood with regularity. I need to work on my eating habits though, and that is the hardest part. I'm such a sugar and carb addict! I have good intentions and I buy good foods, but I still manage to sneak in cookies or ice cream or pizza into my diet way more often than I should. It's all a matter of will power and desire, I think. The thing that sucks, is as badly as I really want this, I don't think I want it enough? I wanted to exercise, so I exercise. I wanted to quit smoking, I did it cold turkey. Why is it SO HARD for me to give up junk food? Not even permanently, just... less often? It's driving me insane. *minirage*

I've had some revelations the past few months about my son. I was always petrified that he was going to grow up like me. And by that, I mean fatherless, moving a lot, changing schools, having self esteem issues, etcetera. One day it hit me. My son is 10 years old, and his childhood has been -nothing- like mine. He's only changed schools once, and that was after kindergarten. He's been in the same school for 1st-5th grades and will be going there for 6th grade as well. Despite being slightly chubby, he's got solid self-esteem and a slew of good friends. He never gets teased and excels academically and in the sports he plays at recess. He's always getting phone calls and text messages from friends either wanting to see if he can hang out or just to chat. He gets all A's and B's and is in advanced math and reading classes. I drop him off at school every morning and my boyfriend picks him up every day. He never has to take a bus or be a 'latchkey' kid. He always gets his homework done. (I was a latchkey kid and my mom never verified I had actually completed my homework, resulting in very poor grades and bad school ethic from me... it resulted in me failing out of high school and if I could go back and do things differently, I certainly would.) He's a good honest kid. He tells the truth even when he knows it's going to get him into trouble. He treats people with respect. I could go on.

So anyway, all this anxiety I've built up about my son and being worried about how he's going to turn out is nearly gone. I know I'm not done raising him, and he still has some formative years ahead of him, but I'm very proud of myself for the foundation I've laid for his future. It's very rare that I'm proud of myself for anything. This is huge for me. :smile:

That's pretty much all on my mind at the moment. Now that I'm on the site every day again, I might blog more often... we'll see.

Comments

WOW! Sistah, do you have any idea of the progress that you've made on your personal journey? Well done!

You have every reason to be proud of yourself. You are a phenomenal mother - I have always been impressed with your love, care and selflessness when it has come to your son and his well-being. One of the things that drew me to you and value you as my best friend and kid sis. I am especially happy that you are able to identify that he has flourished because of you and your input in his life.

(sorry for not getting round to emailing you yet - extremely busy over here, but you are in my thoughts and I truly hope to sit down and write a proper email soon - lots of news so it's going to be long, hence me needing adequate time).

Heart ya mostest of the most!
 
:redface: Thank you.

No worries on the email, I understand! Kinda the same reason I haven't emailed you yet either. :tongue: Your life sounds like it's been more exciting than mine, though, I'm anxious to hear about it!

Love you too dear. :smile:
 
Raising a good, kind, emotionally content and successful child is one of the few things we really have a right to be proud of. It is the hardest job in the world and, if well done, deserves all the praise in the world.
 
Well from what I have read you seem to be doing an excellent job in raising your son, you have broken the chain by actually helping him with his homework something u explained your mom never did, so pat yourself on the back, it isnt easy being a mother and its defintely Not easy breaking a family cycle, I know first hand how hard it is to break a cycle....

As for you trying to eat better and less sweet n carbs all I can say is baby steps, you cant cold heartedly STOP eating it because thats when U gonna fall off the ban wagon and eat it even more, its like a child when u say No to them they want it even more... So treat urself here and there, that way you dont deprive yourself and you wont want it as much... I myself love love sweets n all the yummy junk food But Ive stopped eating it all the time Im good all week n on the weekends not all the time but Ill eat something sweet and once Mon comes around I get back to being strict with myself, in doing that Im down 30lbs in one year... So you can do it just take small steps and before you know it you will get there.. I hope what Ive said makes sense Lol... Best of luck to you.
 

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