What do I want? I ask myself this a lot. I really don't know. Sometimes I want the things everyone wants like a family, but other times I don't want any of that. Most of the time I just want to wallow in regret.
I regret so much of life. I don't think there is a single period in my life that doesn't have some kind of regret attached to it. I like to look back at these times in my life and wonder how my life would have been if I had stopped getting in my own way. If I had been a bit more mindful of others. If I wasn't such a weirdo and stuck in my own head. Would I have found love? Would I be more successful professionally? Would I have a family? I think about this constantly. I make imaginary scenarios where I did everything right and my life turned out better. I'm fixated on the past and stuck in a fantasy life world building exercise. I need to change. I want to change. I have no idea how to change.
I regret so much of life. I don't think there is a single period in my life that doesn't have some kind of regret attached to it. I like to look back at these times in my life and wonder how my life would have been if I had stopped getting in my own way. If I had been a bit more mindful of others. If I wasn't such a weirdo and stuck in my own head. Would I have found love? Would I be more successful professionally? Would I have a family? I think about this constantly. I make imaginary scenarios where I did everything right and my life turned out better. I'm fixated on the past and stuck in a fantasy life world building exercise. I need to change. I want to change. I have no idea how to change.