Sexual abuse as a child

Has any body else been watching the Oprah series about Men sexually abused as a children?

I've actually never told anyone this but I was sexually abused as a child. I don't think it really affected me as a kid or even as a man except that as I got older I wondered about the kid who did it to me.

It was my cousin who was maybe a year younger then me and he wanted to play this game called Train. He told me to take off all my clothes and he took off his and he put his penis in my behind and he told me I was the engine and he was the caboose. I thought it was stange but he wasnt big enough to penetrate me and it didn't hurt so we ran around playing train for a while.

I was maybe 7 then. I realized by the time I was 10 that I was attracted to guys but I didn't associate it with him and I still don't.

Years later we started having family reunions and when ever I saw him he would look at me with this question in his eyes. Its obvious he wants to talk to me about it but I really didn't want to get into it with him because it didn't really affect me.
But now I'm wondering if I should because I realized that someone taught that game to him and I wondered who that is and now I wonder how it has affected my cousin. I am gay but hes straight and married and every time he looks at me I can see something is really bothering him.
I'm not really interested in coming out to my extended family but I don't like seeing him in pain.

Comments

You're describing childish curiosity as "sexual abuse". This is incorrect.

I am a survivor of adolescent sexual abuse, and there's nothing even remotely similar between our experiences.
 
That's not sexual abuse. That's "playing doctor". I've been involved in stuff like that, totally normal. I remember kids in our church getting in trouble for it too.

And it is possible nobody taught him that game. it is so very normal, especially in the 6 - 12 age bracket. Once real puberty starts to hit, boy and girls actually start to get more modest about it.

Hopefully he can find a forum on this issue and set his mind at ease.
 
Wow... that's kind of horrible. You're right, a child would never just play "that game".

I have no idea how you should handle a situation like that. If he was able to cope with it and has put those memories away behind a big wall in his mind, maybe better not to tear that wall down.
But if it's bothering him, and he's in pain, maybe he should get some help.

You should probably ask this question to a psychiatrist, someone that has specialized in things like this.
Whatever you do, good luck with it. Hope all works out the best way possible.
 
The look in his eyes could signify any number of things.

If you really feel he might need a friendly ear, try manoeuvring him into a quiet place and simply ask if there's anything troubling him. Indicate your interest and concern and see where the conversation goes. It may go nowhere - in which case you're no worse off.

It may be that he regrets that childish play because he suspects that you are gay and wonders if he caused it or even whether he might be gay also.

The other alternative is to do nothing, but I don't think you would recount this story if you could be content to ignore things.

I think you need to acknowledge that this was just play or childish experimentation and not sexual abuse.

Whatever you do (or don't do), good luck.
 
I was a psychotherapist dealing with sexual problems. What you and he did together probably wasn't abuse (it really depends on why he suggested it and what it meant for him).
However, it is not usual for a 6 year old child to play such a sexually experimental game with explicit portrayal of anal intercourse.
He also may wonder if the game had anything to do with your sexual orientation or his own sexual feelings.
I would suggest that you take the approach outlined by comically above.
 
Thanks for the comments one and all. I did not mean to imply to anyone that what happened to me in any way negatively affected me. I don't want to belittle the experiences other people may have had that did affect them. I was asking not for my sake but wondering whether I should take the subject up with my cousin who clearly wants to raise the subject with me.

I should say that I am an INFJ(Miers Briggs) and have on more than one occasion picked up on stuff that felt similar to this and followed up on it and was always right.
I dont' really know what I could say to him if he is troubled by its affect on him other then to say no matter what his sexuality I would still love him.
I just don't really want to come out to my extended family. I'm out to my immediate family and thats hassle enough.
To those who felt this was just child hood curiousity. I think the difference is intent.
I have played doctor before when I was a kid even up to preteen but that was more like show and tell.
There wasn't any touching involved and there was no awkwardness involved.

But when things are secretive and have a I'm not sure about this feeling then it becomes something else.

I'm sure if any of you have children or god children you tell them if you don't feel comfortable about this or someone makes you do it then tell an adult.

I didnt' tell anyone mostly because my cousin was younger then I was and I was more embarrassed that he seem to know more than me. But I wasn't scarred by the event and probably wouldn't even be thinking about it today except that once every two years over the last 12 years when I see my cousin I catch him staring at me and he doesn't look happy.
 

Blog entry information

Author
Uslidenme
Read time
2 min read
Views
233
Comments
6
Last update

More entries in General

Share this entry