Sibling sobriety.

Back in February of 2008, I wrote a fairly long blog about how much anger and resentment I held towards my now-39 year old brother, Matt. He'd been battling a cocaine addiction for 15-ish years and I had grown beyond tired of his antics.

His drug problem continued to get worse. He started adding crack and other related drugs to his regimen. I would hear things from his friends about how he'd stay awake for 11 days at a time, just completely blazed. I pretty much wrote my brother out of my life. I didn't call him. I didn't talk to him when he called here (which was only when he needed/wanted help with something). I didn't hang out with him. The rare occasion he'd come over I would essentially ignore him. I mean, if he spoke to me, I'd reply, but I didn't want to engage in real conversation with him or any sort of activities. He'd take my son out to the movies or whatever and I would always stay home. I hated him.

I'm not sure of all the details of the events that led up to my brother deciding to get clean, but I do know that he told me he'd had a dream about our mother, and she'd basically told him that he needed to get clean or he was going to die. That was in August 2011. He hasn't used since.

My brother admitted himself into a local treatment facility. The patients could come and go as they pleased, as long as they were in by curfew (which I think was 9pm or something like that). They had to attend a certain number of meetings, classes, and group/individual therapy sessions each week. If they didn't, they were kicked out. My brother threw himself in headfirst and hasn't looked back. He's been clean 16 months. He still lives on the property of the treatment facility, sort of. Across the street from the facility itself is some apartment buildings that they own. He's renting one of those. He's still going to individual therapy every week. He's kept the same job for about a year now, as a server at a really nice restaurant on The Plaza, a somewhat ritzy part of town. He has had zero issues with being late, calling into work, etcetera. He always goes in with clean clothes (something he couldn't say before) and he's always on time if not early. He's received more compliments than any other server in the place. People are always requesting to be seated in his section. They give him all the critics, wine gurus, and other celebrities that come in to eat. The restaurant itself has gotten rave reviews not just because of their great food and eclectic menu, but because of my brother. His name has been in newspaper articles all over the city and the internet.

He saved up enough money to get himself new dentures (his old ones were nearly 20 years old!) and paid for them 100% out of his own pocket, no insurance or anything. Cost him a little over $4,000 but he went to one of the top denture makers (whatever they are called) in the city. After that purchase, he continued to save money and purchased himself a mo-ped. My brother hasn't owned any sort of motor vehicle in ten years, at least. His cell phone hasn't gotten shut off for lack of payment since he got clean. He's made a complete 180, and I'm so proud of him for it. All that anger and resentment is melting away, though I still have some lingering fear in the back of my mind about whether or not he'll relapse. He hasn't relapsed once as of yet, and he's been clean 16 months. That's pretty good so far! He also quit drinking for one year. He quit drinking the day he quit doing drugs, and didn't ingest any sort of alcohol until the celebration for his first year of sobriety. Alcohol was always his gateway to coke and meth. He couldn't do the drugs without the alcohol. It took him a very long time to admit/realize that, but he finally did. So he does drink again now, but it's only once or twice a week, and he said that he's never once had an urge to go out and do drugs while he's been drinking, which is good. He goes to bed at a decent hour every night and wakes up in the morning, even if he doesn't have anything to do. He has a cat now, named Iris, and she's super cute.

He's been working out regularly, making intelligent eating decisions, and has started taking his HIV meds. He said that since he started taking them a little over a year ago, he's only forgotten once. Props to him, I can never remember to take pills. :redface:

In short, my brother is sober, responsible, mature, accountable, honest, healthy, and happy. It's a pretty powerful thing. I no longer ignore the phone when he calls. I tag along when he takes my son out to do things. I drop into his restaurant once in a while when I'm in the neighborhood to surprise him and say hi. We chat on Facebook all the time.

Good job, Matthew. I'm more proud of you than I could ever express with words, and I love you.

Comments

That is something to be proud of and I hope there are others who are struggling with drugs and alochol that will read this and see that a turn about can happen. But only when the person in trouble decides to make that change.

Whatever it was, the dream or his decision, I commend your brother for having the guts and willpower to take his life in a new direction. I know he is so very proud of himself, and his self esteem must be through the roof (as it should be.)

My husband's sister died of an overdose to prescription meds at age 38. He was like you. He had not had anything to do with her since she was 17. Sad, they never had a chance at reconciliation. My husband refused to support her habit or accept her lifestyle. She was a user and he felt in order not to be used he had to pull completely away from her. I understand your previous feelings about your brother.

I am very happy for you and more so for your brother who now has a sister who cares about him and loves him.
 
Congrats to your brother! Best wishes to his continuing sobriety and your growing relationship with him.

I have gone through similar with an adult son. I had to completely cut off supporting him in any way. It was very painful knowing he was homeless and living in his car. He is doing better and is supporting himself now, but I know he is still struggling with his addiction. I'm am hopeful that some day we can build a trusting relationship.

Al-anon has helped me cope and maintain my sanity. I would highly recommend going to one meeting to see if it suits you.
 

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