The beggining

After a year and a half or so, I was totally broke. I hated my university course because I didn't learn anything new or interesting. I had enrolled in the university of languages because I wanted to work with languages, but the students there weren't really taught to use them. So I quit and started looking around and after a while found a job as a waitress in a restaurant. I now had to work from 6 p.m. to 2 or 3 a.m., and I saw Fred only on Friday and Saturday nights after work, because his mother wasn't home on weekends. I still enjoyed staying with him, but after a few months things changed. He wasn't studying, he wasn't working, he didn't seem to be interested in anything but playing video games. He also reconnected with some old friends from high school he had broken ties with and often hung out with them. I didn't like this because I remembered him telling me they had all been doing drugs.

We were going in completely different directions, and, what was really bad for me at that time, was the fact that the sex got worse. It became what it always had been before, a mere exercise. But besides that, he just stopped trying to satisfy me. He would not finger or lick me or try out new positions, while I continued sucking him and trying to please him in every way I could, even though it became less and less stimulating and interesting for me. It was awful. I felt undesired, unattractive and frustrated. But I had also become so used to being in a relationship, I was afraid of being alone, so I kept on hoping the situation would change some day.

On the other hand, John, the owner of the restaurant I was working in, started showing interest in me. He was a family man around forty with steel blue eyes and the nicest bottom I'd seen up to then. We flirted a lot and we often talked about our preferences and my experience with Fred. John made no bones about his dislike for my boyfriend. He said: “If I were in his place, I would have sex with you all the time. How can he prefer hanging around with these people?” Physically, I was really attracted to him, but I couldn't imagine cheating on Fred, and I think that at that time, John felt the same about his wife.

Then, a few months later, I had to move into another flat. I loved it at once, but I had some problems with the key to the main entrance door downstairs, it wouldn't turn properly. On a free night during my holidays I had spent out with my friends, I came back home fairly drunk and promptly broke the key inside the lock. One of my flatmates, who was also called John, gave me a spare one, which wasn't working much better.

When I returned to work, the sexual tension between me and John grew stronger and stronger, it was almost unbearable. We joked about it at work, but I became more and more nervous. For the first time I was really imagining myself having sex with another man despite being in a relationship. John always drove me home after work, and I had asked him to wait for the electric gate to close before driving away, because it made me feel safer. One night in September, he drove me home as usual. The gate closed, I walked up to the door and tried to open it, but the key just turned inside the lock without doing anything. I tried and tried and after a while I noticed that John's car was still there in front of the gate and he was looking at me quizzically. Since it was late in the night, I didn't want to shout to explain, so I pressed the gate opener, beckoned him over and whispered: “I can't open the door, I'm having difficulties with the key.” “Should I try?” he asked and I handed him the key. Having his body so close to me made me shiver. I waited for him to succeed in opening the door so I could run away and escape the situation, but something inside me couldn't help enjoying this forbidden closeness. I looked at him busying himself with the key, but neither he could open the door. He handed me the key and moved behind me, while I tried again to turn it inside the lock... and then I felt his body pressing against mine from behind and his hands on my behind, my sides, my breasts. And automatically, I pressed my body against his. I had been hoping for months for someone to show me that I could be physically attractive, that someone would desire my body again and that and even though I thought I should feel guilty, I didn't in the least. I heard John whispering: “At last!”, which made my heartbeat go faster and my skin prickle even more. After a few minutes, I slowly backed away, having finally managed to open the door. My head was spinning, I couldn't believe what had just happened. Of course, I felt a surge of guilt immediately, the moment he left, but I couldn't suppress a slight feeling of triumph either.

I then started imagining what it would be like to touch him instead of Fred. It was as if all my bodily desire for Fred had stopped at once. But he didn't seem to notice. He kept on playing video games and meeting strange people.​

After a few days John drove me home as usual. My new key was working, so we stayed in the car and talked for a few minutes. He wanted to know if Fred gave me oral sex in exchange for mine, and I said no. He hadn't indeed done for months, and he had only ever done it a few times. I had never wanted to push him or to insist on that, but it became very frustrating indeed. It seemed I wasn't worth it. I also told John I had never climaxed, and he couldn't believe that Fred hadn't tried harder to make me enjoy sex more. So, for the first time, I started to think that there was nothing wrong with me, I was not too ugly or whatever, and that it was not only my fault if Fred didn't want to have sex with me anymore. In the end, John suddenly asked me if I wanted to have a look at his penis. I was at the same time shocked and curious. He was clever enough to say: “Just a glance. I'm not asking anything from you. Just a look, if you want.” So he pulled down his trousers and... his stiff dick came out. I must have been staring hard at it, because he couldn't suppress a grin. “Do you like it?” he asked. I nodded mechanically. Yes, I did like it indeed. It was much bigger than Fred's. His penis size had never mattered to me, but when I saw John's, I immediately asked myself what it would be like to have his inside me. It was by no means the biggest dick in the world, but it was the biggest I had seen so far.

I was so turned on by the thought of trying this new dick, that only a few days later I confessed to John that I really, really would like to try it out. So we arranged a meeting one afternoon at my place. He had to be very careful because of his co-workers and family, so he came to see me early in the afternoon, while my flatmate, who also worked at night, was still asleep and my roommate was attending lessons.

When he arrived, I was really very nervous. It was the first time I ever cheated on somebody. But my body and my mind were in need of sexual release. I had even forgotten the last time I had had sex with Fred.

I shut the door and undressed quickly in order to lose the feeling of embarrassment. Still, I had no doubt that he was going to like what I was serving him, and I felt at ease with him almost at once.

I took to my bed and looked at him, while he got rid of his clothes and then came closer. I was excited, aroused and relaxed at the same time. His dick seemed already rock hard and once again I stared at it unashamedly. “Come on”, I thought”, “put it in... put it in...” He first touched and licked my breasts, muttering: “Hmmm... love them... always wanted... small and firm...” I couldn't believe my ears: somebody liked my breasts? What the... but then I forgot about the rest, as he started stroking my sides and my legs with one hand and then pulled a condom over his hard-on with the other. I was transfixed, it felt like I had been waiting for this for ages. He came closer and closer, while I reached out to touch it... how hard it felt, compared to Fred's! He then started rubbing my pussy slightly with it, but couldn't resist for long and then, finally, pushed it in. And it was as if with his dick all my thoughts and feelings of guilt were gone. I only wanted to enjoy that feeling of having this magic wand inside me and forget Fred and all the rest. And after a few seconds he started pounding away. I moaned and pushed my pelvis up against his, to feel him even deeper. He held my arms down and looked at me, then he started pumping faster. I smiled like an imbecile, I couldn't stop myself, this was simply wonderful. Faster and faster he went, and I had never been taken like this, without much preparation, just for the sheer pleasure of it. He stopped after a short while, breathing hard, then I pushed my knees against his shoulders and whispered: “More, please... just a little more...” and he obliged. I could feel it even deeper inside me, like I'd never felt it before, neither with Fred, nor with everybody else. I moaned silently, so as not to awake my flatmate, and threw my head from side to side, breathing heavily. He stopped again a few seconds, then said: “Turn around, I want to take you from behind.” I had done this only a couple of times before and I hadn't understood how special doggy style was supposed to be. For a split second I thought about Fred and how boring sex with him had become, but then I suppressed these thoughts at once I turned around quickly. John positioned his cock behind my pussy and rammed it in again in one, and I felt only great pain and let out a loud cry, thinking: 'Oh, please, no, don't do it... don't hurt me like this... what have I done?' For a moment all this felt just wrong, wrong, wrong. I wanted it to end at once and wished it never happened.

Then he started moving his cock inside me, and since it still hurt, I didn't move at first, as my pussy, which felt really tight, widened again and slowly got used to his dick. I was close to passing out, but I also felt a sense of strong, strong pleasure in having this rock-hard dick inside me and was surprised at how wet I seemed to get. He now pushed as hard and fast as he could, as if he didn't care whether he hurt me or not. It didn't take long and I heard him breathe loudly and moan, then he climaxed, and everything was over.

I cannot describe how I felt after the first time I cheated on my partner. On one hand, I'd never thought I could even touch another man since I was in a relationship and I felt guilty as hell. On the other hand, I felt great, relaxed, every cell of my body was satisfied, I felt desired again.​

We kept meeting in secret during the months that ensued and in spite of my bad conscience I enjoyed every second of our sex. We never kissed, because for both of us it didn't feel right, but we met very frequently and had sex after work, in the afternoons, in the car, in the park, in my room, in the restaurant we were working in, at his house, in a hotel room... and sometimes we would have a quick one before he took me to Fred's house, where I spent the night. I had no problems with the fact that he didn't last very long, because I liked the idea of quick, heavy, animal sex. We both got blood-tested and then had bare sex; and while sucking Fred's (now surprisingly small) cock had increasingly become nothing but some sort of “marital duty”, sucking John's became the greatest of pleasures, together with receiving cunnilingus from him. I hadn't experienced an orgasm yet and it did bother me a bit, since John had told me that his wife came every time they had sex. Once again, I thought there was something wrong with me. Still, I immensely enjoyed having someone who really loved licking my pussy.

During the following summer holidays I stayed at Fred's house, since his mother wasn't there. One night we were watching TV in his mother's full-size bed, and after a while he started snoring. I, on the other hand, couldn't get any sleep and tossed and turned in the bed for hours. Without thinking of anything or anyone in particular, I started to stroke my breasts, then to carefully touch my pussy. I rubbed it gently for a while, simply enjoying the sensations my fingers caused. I may have lain there for 30 minutes, maybe more, without really concentrating hard on my hand movements, just touching myself and feeling my pussy pulsing more and more, and I couldn't get enough of it. Still, I was careful not to wake Fred up. I didn't want him to see me, I wanted this very private moment just for myself. I continued fingering myself for some more minutes... I was sweating, my breathing got more and more shallow, I felt tension and more pleasure building... and then it was like an explosion. I had never, ever experienced anything similar. My clitoris pulsated like mad, I saw treetops and hills, an explosion of colours and flowers and felt waves of incredible pleasure and warmth all over me. I had my eyes firmly closed and after about a minute I started breathing normally again and opened them, staring at the ceiling. I had just experienced my first orgasm ever and it was... wow! I could understand why everybody made such a fuss about it. It really WAS indescribable, wonderful, marvellous, divine. Would it ever be possible to repeat it? I held my breath for a moment, then started to rub my pussy again, almost impatiently, anxious to repeat this breathtaking experience. And sure enough, after just a few seconds, my muscles contracted and I climaxed again. I had never expected this and I got even more excited. How many times more could this happen? I fingered myself again and again, for at least an hour, in Fred's mother's bed, without him realising anything. I must have had at least 65-70 orgasms that night, as if I had to make up for every one I had not had up to now.

When I told John about my achievement a few days later, sex with him became even more enjoyable, as he managed to make me come a few times every time he licked my pussy. The only thing I didn't like, though, was the fact that he wouldn't stop licking after one orgasm and wait for me to relax, just to tease me.

One Saturday after work, he drove me to Fred's where I was going to spend the night. A couple of minutes before arriving at his house, he stopped at a car park and said: “You turn me on much too much... come on, let's have a quickie before I drop you off!” I grinned, quickly got rid of my jeans and pants, pulled down his trousers and slipped his hard cock in my warm pussy, sitting on it. Being top was not my favourite position, as I preferred being “controlled” and “subdued”. But there wasn't much room in the car, so this was the most comfortable position for both of us. After just a handful of minutes of fast and wild sex we were both sweating and smiling. We got dressed again and I walked the last few meters up to Fred's house. We had dinner, then I had a quick shower, since I “smelt of pizza”, as Fred never failed to remind me. When I got out of the bathroom, Fred did something he hadn't done for ages: he waited for me, naked, and instead of just having me his cock sucked with nothing for me in return, he took me to bed and pushed it in. I was almost shocked at how small it felt. It had never been a problem and we had never talked about it, but compared to the fuck I had had twenty minutes earlier, this was... ridiculous. I didn't feel anything. And there was another voice in my head which whispered: “Congratulations... two guys in less than half an hour!” I felt ashamed and proud at the same time. I was almost about to confess everything to Fred while we were having sex, but I stopped myself in time. Automatically, I grabbed his butt and thrust my pelvis against his, and he said: “Mmm... you like it when I push hard, don't you, bitch?” This 'bitch' turned me off at once. I didn't like it when he called me dirty names, I considered it disrespectful. I also thought: 'Yes, dork, I like hard pushing, but I can't feel a thing.” But I regretted that thought at once, because he was really trying. Fred was much more resistant than John, so when he finally came, I was almost glad it was over.​

Once, the warm water and heating in my flat were not working. We all were freezing and couldn't wash, so I asked Fred if I could stay at his house for a couple of days, and he agreed. I was alone one morning, Fred had to go to town to meet somebody and his mother was working. I got a text from John, reading: “5 minutes?” I replied: “Can't, I'm at Fred's.” He wrote back: “Alone?” I: “Yes”. And sure enough, 5 minutes later I got one more text: “Open up!” I couldn't believe it. He wanted to have sex with me in my boyfriend's house. Room. Bed. I lead him to Fred's bedroom and he pushed me inside: “Come on, we haven't got much time!” He tore his clothes off, while I still stared at him incredulously. “Come on, doggy!” he said. It was then I woke up, pulled my trousers and pants down at once, knelt on the bed and also said: “Come on, hurry up!” He pushed his hard cock inside – it always seemed to be hard - and I wondered once more how quickly my pussy got wet whenever his cock was near. He started pumping hard at once, and I moaned faintly. I had always been able to control the sounds that came out of my mouth during sex, but this didn't mean that I didn't enjoy it. For a split second I thought about how strange and “dirty” it was to have sex with another man in my boyfriend's bedroom, then this other man climaxed and it was all over. Being licked in this bed would have been too much. John cleaned himself quickly, got dressed again and winked: “We are two right little pigs, eh?” I smiled back and he left. Yes, I felt like a real sow and I couldn't decide whether I liked it or not. But I did not spend much time thinking about it. I had enjoyed it as always, and I also felt guilty as always.

I worked at the restaurant one more year, then I quit and went back to studying. I took it very seriously this time and studied very diligently. Fred, on the other hand, still had no job and no perspective. He became stranger and more aggressive, hung out with his junkie friends and we hardly ever saw each other. After a couple of months and a few fall-outs, we ended our relationship. I later heard from some friends that he went on to take drugs, stealing money from his mother, mugging an old lady and doing other not-so-nice stuff.

I concentrated hard on my exams and also made a lot of new friends. I had also always been interested in the paranormal and in energy therapies, so I dedicated some time to those things as well. I had regular sex with John and no other love interests, so there was no need to feel guilty any more. And these feelings of guilt started fading anyway. I more and more considered myself a woman who had the right to take from someone else what she couldn't get from the one who should have given it.

From time to time, we would take a break, either because I had to prepare exams or because his wife had another baby, then take everything up again. During one of these breaks I did meet someone on a trade fair I was interested in (his name was Marcus), but like other times before, he didn't share my feelings. We did end up in bed though, just a couple of times, and when I told John, he was furious. Even though he had always assured me that if I found someone else, we would stop our little game, and even though during all that time he was, of course, also having sex with his wife, he was so angry, he almost went out of his mind. But he later cooled down and apologised, and we continued. We also tried anal, but just as with Fred, I didn't like it and I didn't get the hype. It just hurt, hurt, hurt. But I liked all the rest we did and this idea of quick, uncommitted sex.​

And then, after three years more, I took my degree at the end of April. At the end of May, while celebrating my best friends' degree, I met a man who had been invited as an external supervisor. Since he was interested in the subject I had written my thesis on, we had a lot to talk about. We talked and talked as if we had been knowing each other forever. His name was Mick and he was huge and had friendly blue eyes.

He lived in a different town with his wife and children. I contacted him a week later, since he had told me it was his birthday. He was very surprised that I had remembered it. Over the next few weeks, we spent quite a lot of time chatting on the Internet and talking on the phone, which I had never done before. I had always considered it a waste of time to use the computer for other purposes than work or research, and I wasn't the type to talk on the phone for more than five minutes. Yet, we talked and talked. I was very taken with this most interesting man. I learned that he was going to Britain in the summer, since he was attending a conference about a very interesting subject, and I told him how much I would like to go there too. In the end, he decided I should come too, so we could save money renting a house together with some of his friends. John came to give me a special farewell and 5 minutes later we left.

Mick and I shared a room for three days at the venue in order to save money. During the last night we even shared a bed, since I was terribly cold and he did his best to warm me, without ever taking advantage of the situation.

But it was only a matter of days. Although I had promised myself I'd never have any kind of relationship with a married man again, I was strangely attracted to him, both physically and, in a way, emotionally. At nights, after we went to sleep in our respective bedrooms, I got up again to see him, and we would talk and then I would sleep in his bed, and we wouldn't do anything. I was terribly torn; on one hand, I felt my sexual appetite rising and was hoping for him to feel some physical attraction for me too and do something, and on the other hand, I hoped he was strong enough not to touch me, because I didn't want him to feel guilty or to cause him trouble with his family.

One night, I couldn't sleep and turned forever in my bed, then got up to see Mick in his room once more. I asked him if I could stay and he agreed. We lay in bed for a while, close to each other, and I felt the warmth of his body. I was terribly nervous and felt tension mounting inside me. When I turned round, showing Mick my back, I suddenly felt his hands resolutely on my breasts. All I could think at this moment was: “At last!” I instantly felt strangely free to enjoy this moment, I felt sexy and desired, even more than by John. I wanted to be touched by him and to touch him. I moaned and turned around lustily, feeling his hands on my body and started to touch him too. I remember noticing his very nice, firm butt. We didn't do much during this first night, but after two nights I couldn't sleep once more and went to his room. We messed around a bit, and I ended up giving him a blow job. Since I had stopped doing this to Fred, I enjoyed it immensely again. Giving pleasure to Mick by sucking his cock was just like giving it to myself. I liked the fact that he cared very much about hygiene, and I immediately loved the smell of his skin and the taste of his cock and his sperm. He, on the other hand, explained that he wouldn't lick my pussy for safety reasons, and I quite agreed and was also impressed by his sense of responsibility.

A couple of days later, we were in his bed again, touching each other and chatting. I asked him shyly if he would like to have sex with me. He replied that he would love to, but didn't have any condoms. In a second, I pulled one out from under his bed, which I had previously hidden there. He gave me a surprised look, as if to say: “I didn't think you were such a sexpot”, then took the condom, rolled it over his erection and then gently slid it in. We had sweet and soft sex. I noticed his penis was just a little shorter than John's, but he was much, much more resistant.

We repeated this experience a few times during the time we spent together in England. I quickly went over the fact that I probably would never see him again and that we didn't have a future together because of his family. I just enjoyed his closeness and the sex, which was wonderful and carefree. The only thing that was strange to me was that he wanted to know a lot about my sex life, my preferences, any particularly spicy experiences, if I had had sex with more than two people and so on. When I said no, he seemed a bit disappointed because of the lack of something intriguing in my sex life. The only interesting I could come up with was my first blow job, which I had given to a friend of mine in the back of my father's car in our garage. And the story with John, of course, but that was still tinged with a little bit of guilt. But I didn't see myself as a person who could have sex with more than one man at the same time, all the more if I was in a firm relationship with a man I really loved. I was just not the type. Mick, on the other hand, was bi-curious and had had a couple of experiences with another man, but never with more than one person.

When we said goodbye, I was grateful for the wonderful time I had spent with Mick. Just like before our trip, we spent a lot of time chatting on the Internet. After a month or so, John called me to see if I was available for a little fuck. I consented with mixed feelings. I had completely forgotten John over the experience with Mick. But I thought I was never going to see Mick again, that he was going back to his usual life without me, so why not have a little fun. So he came and he fucked me as usual, but it just didn't feel right. I missed the gentleness and the long sex I had experienced, and also the few more centimetres of his dick couldn't make up for it. Everything was just wrong. John said afterwards: “Every time you meet someone, you're a bit strange when we meet again.” Not only was he right, but he had grasped the fact that I had fallen for Mick long before me.​

Then I had the chance to meet Mick again two weeks later during a conference, and we shared a room in the hotel he was staying. After a few days, while driving back home after taking one of the speakers to the airport, he came by just to see me, just to say hello. It was then I knew I was in love with that man, however hopeless the situation was.

I lived in that town for one more year, and although John called me a few times more, we never had sex again. I just couldn't. Mick came to see me a few times, and after one year I moved to the town he lived in. We still met in secret and I couldn't introduce him to my new friends because of his family situation, but we met as often as we could. In the meantime I had also confessed my sex episode with John, but instead of him being jealous or getting mad, he found the fact that a person other than him had fucked me exciting. He only seemed angry at the fact that it had taken me so long to tell him. I thought this was very strange, I didn't find the idea of him having sex with another woman exactly exciting, but I told him from the beginning that whenever he had the desire to try someone else or to do something I wasn't up for, like orgies or whatever, he was free to do it. He gave me the same freedom, of course, but I didn't have the slightest desire to have sexual experiences with other people as long as I could have sex with him. We once discussed though if we should include John in our games, and I even called him on the phone to ask him if he wanted to do it, but he didn't. He said the only way to have a threesome was with two girls, since he didn't want any competition. Of course this was no option and in the end I was quite happy that nothing came out of it. These games just didn't do for me. I wanted to enjoy sex just with my partner. This didn't mean I didn't have sexual fantasies of other men sleeping with me, but in the beginning I was a little ashamed of them and just pushed them aside.

After some time, Mick asked me why I didn't join an adult chat in which he was quite active. I, on the other hand, hated the idea. Looking at and chatting with some random horny guys? Why? I didn't really understand the spirit of it, I didn't understand how this could be a game to share and to enjoy in a partnership. It was just a waste of time and I didn't get why Mick spent so much time on it. He was interested in learning about other people's experiences, their fantasies, their preferences. I really couldn't care less. To me it was important to enjoy my relationship with Mick, and I didn't want anyone to interfere with it.

But I was curious to know what was so interesting about the whole thing. So we decided we would try together. I signed up for an adult chat as well and we sat together in front of my computer, or we were together, but using two computers and two different accounts. Under no circumstance I wanted to chat on my own, I wouldn't have had anything to say or to ask. I had always considered people on adult sites some sort of perverts. But little by little, I discovered how not only watching people on a web cam can be real fun, but also showing myself and turning people on. I still had this idea that I wasn't attractive compared to many girls on those websites. Gradually, though, I learned that most people don't go looking for perfect bodies, but for real people and a little entertainment.​

Around that time, Mick and I went to an adult shop – or let's say, he did, while I was standing and waiting outside – and bought me a gift. We were abroad that day, it was cold and rainy and I was anxious to get back to our hotel room and unpack his present, which from the outside looked like it could be a bottle of good wine in a stylish wooden case. When I unpacked it, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a 20 cm long and also quite thick natural skin vibrator. “But what am I supposed to do with this?” I asked Mick. I was surprised and shocked, this thing was clearly too big for me. He said: “I just thought that maybe you would like to try something different from time to time... not just me.” “Yeah, but... don't you think this is a bit too much? It's huge!” “Well, let's find out then!” And over the next few weeks, we tried to put this monster into my pussy, but it was really very painful and burnt like hell. I liked the idea of the gift itself and of trying something else for a change, but I didn't like the feeling of it inside me. I also thought: “What is Mick thinking of me? I've never had anything big like this.” Indeed, Mick seemed to be developing an obsession for big sized penises at that time. He often showed me pictures and videos with huge cocks, and I thought they were fake and I was generally wondering why he did show me them at all. But little by little, I started getting interested in them myself. I couldn't help wondering while adult chat rooms with names like “Big Horse Cocks” and “Huge Black” were always crammed with people and you were lucky to get in, while in others there were only a handful of people. Well, sometimes it was because some guys pretended to be well-endowed in order to attract ladies (or gentlemen, for that matter). But I really started asking myself why they were so sought after. I started reading erotic stories about ladies getting laid by huge cocks and experiencing incredible things. I was intrigued and curious, but at the same thought: “It's just fiction. Well written, but fictional stories, all made up. What more can a few centimetres more do? Nothing.” I didn't ask myself why those stories all had a similar development and plot: a woman with an average-sized husband/partner gets to fuck a bigger one and then can't get enough of it. I just thought they were well invented, but didn't think in the least they could be true.

Mick tried again and bought me a blue strap-on dildo, which I called “smurf”. It was slightly longer, but thinner, and, most of all, harder than the vibrator. We tried it and I loved it. Maybe I was just more relaxed, had grown more confidence, or maybe it was just that it was made from a different material, or that we were using more lubricant, but I really, really liked it. It almost felt real, or as real as I thought a real dick could be. And I absolutely loved the fact that Mick now looked like he was sporting a 22 cm dick which covered his own smaller one. When I closed my eyes, it felt like it was a different person fucking me, and it was awesome. The other fabulous thing was that I could put it on and – have a penis too, which I learned to use on Mick. I prepare him with my fingers, use loads of lubricant, then put the smurf in slowly and gently, move it a little inside him, then pull it out again, wait a minute, put it in again, a little farther inside, out again, wait a moment, then put it all in and start to move like I was really fucking him. After we had done this a few times, after seeing how much pleasure it gave to both of us, I really started wondering what it would be like to do it with a real, big, human cock.​

I also asked Mick why he liked big cocks so much, and he said it probably was because when he first had sex – or wanted to have sex – the girl of his choice said his cock was too small for her. Apparently this initial shock had, over time, turned into a sort of strange excitement because he now felt “inferior” to big cocks, and found it intriguing that a woman could choose a “superior” dick over a small or normal one to have sex. I thought about this. Feeling inferior? Would this mean he would be turned on if I chose a bigger one over his?? How would I feel if he chose a woman with bigger tits or whatever over me? This thought didn't turn me on in the least. But I couldn't help thinking more and more often about the possibility that he actually could like it to see me fucked by another guy, just because this guy had better “qualities”. Would I like it?

I said to myself: “No, I don't need this. I want to be faithful to my lover, I don't need other people around, and if I want something stronger, I'll get the dildo out. Good. Dildo. We need more dildos.” And so we ordered more dildos and other toys, like cock rings and vaginal balls, on the internet. We also ordered a very small and thin, almost pencil shaped purple vibrator, in case I wanted to try anal again, but we never used it together. My personal favourite was Mr Black, a fabulous 21 cm latex cock, so thick I couldn't get my hand around it. I really, really liked it, and used it so often, I could feel my pussy widen over time. The trouble was, sometimes when Mick an I had sex, I couldn't feel him inside me for a few seconds in certain positions. I couldn't feel if, and how deep, he was inside me, and it sometimes gave me an irritating sense of missing something inside me. But after a few seconds, this feeling vanished and everything was alright.

I now started spending more time on adult chats and on the webcam. We created a profile as a couple on a particular website and regularly chatted with a handful of guys. We had agreed on playing with them only if they were well-endowed, since I was now a little more interested in them. It was really difficult to find them though! Often they faked their profile picture, or pretended to be well-endowed when instead their size was just about Mick's. I hated that. If I had to play, I wanted the others to play fair and if I was looking for big cocks, they had to be huge, not average. A few of the people who contacted us, or whom we contacted, were really nice and we let them watch while we were having sex. We got a lot of compliments which I enjoyed immensely, just as much as I enjoyed that what I was doing and saying was turning them on. It made me almost prouder to be able to excite a cock bigger than Mick's!

A couple of times, we went to a private club. I had warned Mick that I wasn't going to swap partners or to take part in an orgy or whatever, I just wanted to go there for the experience. I told him once again that he was free to do whatever he liked with whoever he liked. He replied that I was the boss and he wouldn't do anything I wouldn't enjoy. So I was quite relaxed when we went there. There were not many people, but it didn't matter, since we weren't looking for anything in particular. After a while we started making out on what looked like a sort of giant pouffe in the middle of a room. Some people came closer to watch, and one guy stroke my arm, but I brushed it off, a little annoyed. Maybe we were making out in the wrong place, where people could participate. I asked Mick to move and we continued on a sofa. I was so relaxed that I could even climax. We had a very young couple on a sofa next to us, and the young girl whispered: “Come on... push...” but alas, her partner didn't have much to push in. It reminded me a little of Fred, his dick might have been just as small. “Oh God”, I thought, alarmed, “look what I'm doing, going 'round judging other cocks”, and I tried to concentrate on Mick and the sex again. All in all, it was a good experience; most of all, I loved the men's longing looks: in a strange way, I liked to be at the centre of attention while fucking and being fucked. It was no different than showing yourself on webcam.​

One of the guys we had met on the net went by the name of Mike Snow, and he had one of the most beautiful cocks I've ever seen, it was simply enormous. I often fantasised about what it would be like being fucked by such a huge dick. Sometimes during sex I talked about these fantasies to Mick, describing how I imagined having sex with both of them, first Mick warming me up and then this huge, huge beautiful cock entering my wet pussy... widening it even more... I realized I really got wet when I told these stories, and they seemed to be an incredible turn-on for Mick. Once, we were having sex and Mick asked me if I wanted Mr Black inside, together with his own cock. I consented and closed my eyes, drifting away... I felt first the warmer, gentler cock inside me, then the harder and longer one... as thick as my forearm... but no, it wasn't... that was Mike Snow's dick... he moved it backwards and forwards... slowly at first, but then faster, wilder... oh, yes, please, more, let me be your obedient pussy... how large you are, it's fantastic... aaah...yesss...

What the f...? Mick had said something and I opened my eyes, startled. I felt really strange, I was almost left with a sense of disappointment. I hadn't Mike Snow's cock inside me, but a real, small and an enormous fake one. It was crazy. For the first time I had experienced what it could be like to feel a real one, and I couldn't possibly deny how wonderful it had felt.

The idea of trying a real one took more and more hold of me. It still seemed absurd to me to really do it. I wanted to be Mick's and Mick's only. On the other hand, I was becoming more and more curious, and I had the suspicion that I once I tried, I would like it so much, I wouldn't want to stop, and this scared me very much.

Of course, I told Mick about it. He suggested we could just try once and, if either of us didn't like it, we could stop immediately. He didn't want to force me to do anything, so I would decide for us both. I thought about it, but came to the conclusion that I wasn't ready. Or it didn't simply do for me. It was one thing to fantasize and dream about it, but really doing it would change our whole relationship, and I didn't want to risk it. He was quite relaxed about it. “I'm convinced that nothing bad is going to happen if we try”, he said, “from my point of view, it could only melt us together even more. I'm sure we would both enjoy it. I've seen your face when I shove those fake dicks up your pussy, you look like a different person. And if I want to cum in 30 seconds, I just imagine you screaming, being fucked hard by a horny, really well-hung guy. But I also must tell you this: while we're having sex, it turns me on beyond measure when you fantasize about being fucked by a big guy and me watching, and maybe you telling me how big he is compared to mine and so on. Then, once we are finished and lying in bed afterwards, I put my arms around you and the only thing I can think of is how much I love you, that I want to protect you and only want you for myself.” My love! How sweet. I was touched and moved when I heard these words. He went on: “And besides, you're telling me that you are afraid that, if you said yes and then changed your mind again, I'd be disappointed. But how could I be? I love you and just the fact that you're even thinking about doing it turns me on like hell. More than the actual fuck! And what if it was me to back out? I don't know at this very moment how I'd react. Imagine we invited someone, and you two had both decided to go for it, and I said, no wait, I actually don't want my lady shagged by someone else? It could happen. So let's not think about it in terms of “what if not?”, but let's think of it as a possible, even virtual game, and whatever you decide, I'm fine with it. But remember that IF you decide to give it a try, please do it only if you are convinced 100, no, 200%.”​

I decided we wouldn't do it. Who needed another person in bed? My love was the best lover I can think of. If every man/woman dedicated themselves to their partners' sexual pleasure and fulfilment like he did, there wouldn't be a care in any bed. I felt almost blessed to have a partner like him. If... well, if it just weren't for the centimetres he lacked. To make up for them, I got another, even bigger, white dildo, which I proudly showed my web cam friends. It was about 30 cm long and enormously thick. Sitting on it was immensely difficult, but feeling it inside incredibly satisfying. I couldn't believe my own eyes when I saw myself on the camera, with this monster cock inside myself. But I was beginning to feel really proud... and also started thinking that deep down inside, maybe I was really made for big cocks. I also started to like it when our web cam contacts called me dirty names, a thing I'd always hated during my relationship with Fred. Mick also never failed to remind me how I had changed. “When we first had sex, your pussy was just like a slot”, he said. “Now it's a real pussy. A king-sized pussy of a size-queen.”

On one rare occasion I showed myself on cam without Mick, I chatted with a guy called Mark. He wasn't the politest of the people we had met on the net, but his cock was... indescribable. It was straight and 25 cm long. Fabulous. He was one of my favourites. I was having a bath and praising his cock and telling him what I would do to it if I could lay my hands and mouth on it... I realized it was incredible what a big cock could do to you. You become like a puppet in the hands of a puppeteer.

Mark told me, no, he ordered me to insert the smallest dildo, which I always explained was the same size as Mick's. It entered at once, I didn't need a single drop of lubricant.

Mark: Good girl.

Me: Thanks, master.

Mark: Now the red cock, the slim one.

Me: Yes... look here... aaah... there it goes

Mark: Mmm, well done. You are a right little slut, aren't you?

Me: Oh yes, I am.

Mark: I can tell. Now the blue one.

I took the smurf, putting a little lubricant on it, but I wouldn't have needed to. It took only a few seconds to enter.

Mark: Come on, a little deeeeeper...

Me: Urgh... my God... aaah!

Mark: You beautiful bitch. Well done.

Me: Aaah...

Mark: What about two in one? Bet you can't do that.

Me: Bet I can.

I took the first dildo I had put in and the smurf together, put on loads and loads of lubricant and then pushed the bigger inside first, then widened my pussy with the smaller one.

Me: Oooooaaaaargggh...

Mark: Oh – my – God! You're making me harder and harder... I've never seen such a slutty beast before!

Me: Thanks, master... aaah!

Mark: Put something in your butt.

Me: I don't do anal.

Mark waved his enormous cock in front of the camera.

Mark: Come ooon...

Me: All right, wait!

I went out of the tub and in my room to get the pencil-shaped dildo, then back.

Me: Watch this.

I put on a ton of lubricant, because it still didn't give me any pleasure, but I finally stuck the little thing up my bottom.

Mark: Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! Come closer to the web cam.

Me: Yes, master.

Mark: You make me so horny... come on, put the blue back inside! I'd cum right over your ass if I were there...

Me: Everything for you, master.

And I suddenly realized how true this was. You do everything for a big one. I smirked, thinking of Mick, whom I would tell everything later on. I shoved the smurf back into my super-wet pussy, moved it in and out fast, moaning loudly.

Me: Aaaah yesss! Yes yes yes yesss!

Mark: Do you like my cock?

Me: Fuck, yes! It's better than everything I've ever had!

Mark: Come closer, little bitch... come on... I'll cum for you...

Me: Yes, master... please

I pretended to lick his hot sperm from my computer screen, still with my blue and purple dildo inserted.

Mark: Mmm. Thanks.

Me: You're very welcome.

Mark: See you next time.

Me: Yeah. Bye.​