The current situation.

This has been a long time coming.

I'm 24 years old.

I don't drink or smoke.

If I had to write down my religion I'd go with "none" or "atheist".

I've never been in a romantic relationship.

I've had sex once, and it was a one time thing. It was terrible and may have scarred me.

I'm currently unemployed.

I'm living with my parents.

A few months back I graduated as a Master of Science in Chemistry. My name will now always bear the prefix M.Sc.

Ever since I started school as a kid who hardly knew which end of his dick to piss with I've had my nose to the grindstone and my shoulder to the plow.

Some people take gap years, or sabbaticals or whatever you want to call them. I never did. I just blasted through all levels of education until all that now remains is to get a PhD. I don't have any intentions of doing that, though, as I don't want to end up in academia.

So I'm done.

What now?

I have no clue. I'd like to say "I don't have a fucking clue", so I guess I will.

I don't have a fucking clue.

Get a job, of course, but what else?

Why didn't I ever take a sabbatical or gap year. Go to the ass end of Asia to "find myself" and a helping of som STD while I was at it? Because I never knew where I'd go if I could. Also, if I was going somewhere I'd be going alone.

I have good friends that I love, and that I hope love me as well. They have their own plans and lives, though, and as we have grown older we've ended up in different places. Physically and emotionally. Hell, a good friend of mine is starting his own company, has a job he likes, is married and is going to be a father!

A lot of my friends have partners now, and if they're going travelling they'll of course be travelling with their partner.

More than the company, without a travelling companion I wouldn't know where to go. There are so many places in the world, and I don't know what to see or where to go. In fact, I don't know if I care.

That is to say, I don't know if I care enough about any place to go there and visit. That worries me vaguely.

I feel that I'm getting off-track, though. This wasn't meant to be about my relationship to travelling. That I would like to travel on one hand, but that I can't muster the interest in any place to actually go there.

However, I don't really know where else to take this current outpouring.

Well, why didn't I ever take a gap year? Not only because of the practicalities of travelling. I always reasoned that if I stopped, I'd start rusting and it'd be hard to start again. Instead I kept my momentum up through all the years until I was done. And now I'm running out of steam, if I haven't already run out.

Comments

It's hard to know what to do with your life when it has always been so structured. I know, i did the same as you. And then when i finished my education i got a crappy 9-5 job and just let life happen to me for a while! I made new friends, went out and got laid, had fun! It's not easy to look into your future and see a great expanse of "i don't know" but turn it around and see it as freeing! Have fun, stop worrying so much. Most of us don't have a plan for every step of the way, it's what makes life so interesting.
 

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Zorgolio
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