The Life…Questioning
I have come to believe that a lot of people do not understand what it is to be gay. I was working in the Pentagon during the role out of DADT and almost dropped everything in my hands when Fox News used a scene from a White Party (a really good one by the way) to paint a picture of gay people in their entirety. I called over the other gay people and we just laughed. However, it was not funny to the people who did not know gay people. It is because of this that I have decided to start writing about what it is to be gay with regards to what I have experienced, have been told, and what I read. It is by no means comprehensive.
What put the nail in my decision was the fact that with all of the information out there people question their sexuality. It is thought currently that sexuality is a form of gender identity, expression and orientation. It was interesting to learn, in the past, there is a designation in the LGBT community of Q (questioning). Sometimes you will see LGBTQ. I was told that Q was for youth who were feeling out their sexuality but have to come to realize that it is for adults who are also feeling out their sexuality.
I really appreciate the power of Q. It truly is okay not to know which side of the fence that you want to come down on. However, you have to come down and participate on one side every now and then; this is life. Every day people put off decisions about things in life. Why are people not entitled to do the same for their sexuality?
People are anguished about their sexuality to the point of self destruction. I have an acquaintance who I thought identified as being a lesbian. However, she went through a break up and started saying things like “two women weren’t meant to be together.” I told her that it was just grief talking and she needed to get over it. A few months later, she came by with a new lover who was younger and living with her. Why was she inclined to question the validity of her sexuality and not look at the unstable foundation of her relationship that ended?
In this way, I believe that questioning is not beneficial because the correct questions were not asked. Am I not fulfilled because of my gender expression? Am I not fulfilled because I had a bad relationship and I did not want it to end? Could it be both of these? These are the questions that she did not ask herself because I asked her later. I also asked her if bad things happened in her two previous heterosexual relationships that gave her two sons. She laughed and said bad things happened but that is not why she is a lesbian. Now she was getting it.
Circumstances did not turn her into a lesbian; she is fulfilled with being a lesbian now. Notice I did not use the word choose, totally different subject.
It is okay to be Q. It is alright to not know if you prefer men, women or both. Let me go back. Yes, it is okay to be Q but if you are in a committed relationship with one sex and you want the other sex too, that’s okay in my book. However, you may have a hell of a time getting your partner to understand. This is where honesty comes in about being Q.
Most of all, you have to be honest with yourself. It is a hard road for some but you have to be honest with others too. Feel people out. It is thought that we are more distant emotionally as a species now with technology but we can use it to be closer too. I laughed because I read a profile of a person who stated that they were into hooking up with people and not endless messaging. Logically speaking if you are Q then being in a committed relationship is a problem if the other person does not know that you are Q. If you are in a committed relationship and make the decision to be with someone of the opposite sex while you are Q.
In the beginning, I thought that writing this would be easier than this but I should have known. Just like LGBT, Q is not easy because it is many people and many circumstances. If you are Q I just want you to know that it is there for you to use.
I have come to believe that a lot of people do not understand what it is to be gay. I was working in the Pentagon during the role out of DADT and almost dropped everything in my hands when Fox News used a scene from a White Party (a really good one by the way) to paint a picture of gay people in their entirety. I called over the other gay people and we just laughed. However, it was not funny to the people who did not know gay people. It is because of this that I have decided to start writing about what it is to be gay with regards to what I have experienced, have been told, and what I read. It is by no means comprehensive.
What put the nail in my decision was the fact that with all of the information out there people question their sexuality. It is thought currently that sexuality is a form of gender identity, expression and orientation. It was interesting to learn, in the past, there is a designation in the LGBT community of Q (questioning). Sometimes you will see LGBTQ. I was told that Q was for youth who were feeling out their sexuality but have to come to realize that it is for adults who are also feeling out their sexuality.
I really appreciate the power of Q. It truly is okay not to know which side of the fence that you want to come down on. However, you have to come down and participate on one side every now and then; this is life. Every day people put off decisions about things in life. Why are people not entitled to do the same for their sexuality?
People are anguished about their sexuality to the point of self destruction. I have an acquaintance who I thought identified as being a lesbian. However, she went through a break up and started saying things like “two women weren’t meant to be together.” I told her that it was just grief talking and she needed to get over it. A few months later, she came by with a new lover who was younger and living with her. Why was she inclined to question the validity of her sexuality and not look at the unstable foundation of her relationship that ended?
In this way, I believe that questioning is not beneficial because the correct questions were not asked. Am I not fulfilled because of my gender expression? Am I not fulfilled because I had a bad relationship and I did not want it to end? Could it be both of these? These are the questions that she did not ask herself because I asked her later. I also asked her if bad things happened in her two previous heterosexual relationships that gave her two sons. She laughed and said bad things happened but that is not why she is a lesbian. Now she was getting it.
Circumstances did not turn her into a lesbian; she is fulfilled with being a lesbian now. Notice I did not use the word choose, totally different subject.
It is okay to be Q. It is alright to not know if you prefer men, women or both. Let me go back. Yes, it is okay to be Q but if you are in a committed relationship with one sex and you want the other sex too, that’s okay in my book. However, you may have a hell of a time getting your partner to understand. This is where honesty comes in about being Q.
Most of all, you have to be honest with yourself. It is a hard road for some but you have to be honest with others too. Feel people out. It is thought that we are more distant emotionally as a species now with technology but we can use it to be closer too. I laughed because I read a profile of a person who stated that they were into hooking up with people and not endless messaging. Logically speaking if you are Q then being in a committed relationship is a problem if the other person does not know that you are Q. If you are in a committed relationship and make the decision to be with someone of the opposite sex while you are Q.
In the beginning, I thought that writing this would be easier than this but I should have known. Just like LGBT, Q is not easy because it is many people and many circumstances. If you are Q I just want you to know that it is there for you to use.